The Myth of “Trying” to Get Sober
How many times have you told yourself, “I’ll try to get sober”? Maybe you approached it like trying out a new hobby, dabbling in the idea but retreating as soon as it got uncomfortable. That was my mindset during countless failed attempts at sobriety. I was “trying” to get sober, but as soon as the discomfort kicked in, I let go of the reins. It wasn’t until I shifted my approach—from trying to committing—that everything changed.
This shift in mindset, from passivity to action, is the foundation of what I call the sober mindset. It’s not just about putting down the drink; it’s about changing how we think, act, and build a life that no longer needs the crutch of addiction.
Introduction: What Is a Sober Mindset?
A sober mindset is more than abstinence; it’s a fundamental shift in how we approach life. It’s about choosing actions, thoughts, and priorities that align with recovery and lead to long-term happiness and fulfillment. This mindset requires commitment, a willingness to leave behind the parts of our old lives that don’t serve us, and a clear focus on building a better future.
In this article, we’ll explore the principles of developing a sober mindset:
- Commitment over “trying.”
- Leaving behind what doesn’t serve you.
- Focusing on the future rather than the past.
- Taking action to build the life you deserve.
If you’re ready to move beyond just staying sober to truly thriving in recovery, keep reading!
Committing Vs. “Trying”
One of the most common pitfalls in recovery is the mindset of “trying” rather than committing. When I told myself I was “trying” to get sober, it left me with an escape hatch. It allowed me to give up as soon as things got hard because I hadn’t fully committed to the journey.
True commitment is different. When I finally got sober, I didn’t know if I would succeed, but I committed to trying everything possible before giving up. This mindset didn’t make the journey easier, but it gave me the strength to face the discomfort, push through fear, and confront the insecurities I had been numbing for years.
Commitment means acknowledging that sobriety isn’t always comfortable or easy, but it’s always worth it. It’s about deciding, “No matter how hard this gets, I won’t give up.”
Leaving Behind What Doesn’t Serve You
A sober mindset requires an honest assessment of your life and a willingness to let go of what doesn’t support your recovery. For me, this meant stepping out of my old life. In past attempts, I tried to keep one foot in my drinking life while saying I wanted to be sober. Unsurprisingly, that approach never worked.
When I got serious about recovery, I had to ask myself hard questions:
- Do these people support my sobriety?
- Does this activity put me at risk of drinking?
- Am I prioritizing my old habits over my new life?
This doesn’t mean giving up everything from your past. It means being intentional about what—and who—you allow into your life. In my case, I had to leave behind the bars and drinking buddies. But I also found friends who supported my sobriety and encouraged my growth.
Letting go of the familiar is hard, but it creates space for something better.
Focusing on the Future, Not the Past
One of the biggest traps in recovery is focusing too much on what you’re losing instead of what you’re gaining. In my early attempts at sobriety, I fixated on what I thought I couldn’t do anymore. I’d complain, “I can’t go to the bar,” or, “I’ll never be able to have fun again.”
This mindset kept me stuck. When all you see are losses, it’s easy to justify giving up.
The key to a sober mindset is shifting your focus to the future. Imagine the life you want to build. What excites you about that vision? Who do you want to become?
It’s like driving a car: if you only look in the rearview mirror, you’re going to crash. But when you focus on the road ahead, you can move forward and reach your destination.
Taking Action to Build the Life You Deserve
Sobriety isn’t just about putting down the drink; it’s about picking up the life you’ve always wanted. This requires action.
In the beginning, this might feel unnatural. You’ll face urges to return to the comfort of your old habits simply because they’re familiar. But lasting change happens through consistent action, even when it’s hard.
I use the principle of “acting as if.” Imagine the person you want to become. How would they act, speak, and make decisions? Then, start acting as if you are already that person. Over time, these actions will feel less forced and more natural.
The key is to take small, consistent steps. With each step, you’ll see positive results, which will build momentum and strengthen your commitment to sobriety.
The Power of a Sober Mindset
Developing a sober mindset is the key to not just surviving sobriety but thriving in it. By committing fully, leaving behind what doesn’t serve you, focusing on the future, and taking intentional action, you can build a life that makes the idea of drinking unthinkable.
This process isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. As you grow, heal, and become the person you’ve always wanted to be, you’ll find that the shame and regret of the past lose their power. You’ll be proud of the life you’re creating and the person you’re becoming.
Start Building Your Sober Mindset Today
If you’re ready to shift from simply being sober to living a life you love, start by committing to a sober mindset. Take time this week to reflect on your priorities, let go of what doesn’t serve you, and take one small step toward the future you want.
For a deeper dive into this topic, listen to the full episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast. Together, we’ll explore how to build a mindset that supports lasting recovery and a fulfilling life.