What You Are Holding Onto Is What Is Holding You Back In Your Recovery

Letting Go to Move Forward: How Subtraction Can Be the Key to Recovery Success

When we think about improving our lives, we often look for things to add. We consider buying a new car, planning vacations, or finding new hobbies. But sometimes, the greatest transformations come not from adding but from letting go of the things that hold us back. In recovery, this can be even more powerful. By releasing what no longer serves us, we open the door to a future filled with potential and happiness.

In this article, we’ll explore the impact of letting go, how to identify what’s holding us back, and the steps you can take to clear your path toward a fulfilling, sober life.

The Weight of Holding On

Imagine you want to make a car go faster, so you take it to a shop and get top-notch modifications. When it’s ready, you jump in, press the gas, and… nothing happens. You realize the car is still in park. This is exactly what happens when we refuse to let go of the past. We might add things to our lives, but if we’re still holding on to what limits us, we stay stuck.

The challenge? Letting go often means confronting fears and doubts. It’s easier to focus on potential losses than on the rewards that lie beyond our comfort zone. In recovery, these fears can be especially intense, as we often cling to old habits and mindsets out of familiarity.

Identifying What Holds Us Back

1. Focus on the Loss Instead of the Reward
   Many of us in recovery resist letting go because we fixate on the immediate loss. When thinking about quitting drinking, for example, people often think, How will I enjoy a football game without a beer? Or will my friends judge me if I stop drinking? Instead of focusing on potential losses, try to look ahead to the life you could gain by letting go of drinking.
2. Understand the Stories We Tell Ourselves
   The mind can be very creative when justifying holding on. For years, I told myself, “If I stop drinking, I’ll lose my friends,” not considering that real friends wouldn’t abandon me. We cling to these stories, fearing rejection, failure, or pain. To break free, we must recognize these as stories, not facts.
3. Look Beyond the Surface Excuses
   Sometimes, we tell ourselves we’re not capable of achieving an amazing life, convincing ourselves that change is too hard. Addiction often teaches us to lower our standards, both in behavior and potential. This mindset keeps us stuck. Challenge your internal dialogue and ask whether your beliefs serve your goals.

Key Steps to Start Letting Go

• Examine the Pros and Cons Honestly
  Making a pros and cons list can be helpful—but be mindful of exaggerating the cons. Often, we overestimate the losses and minimize the potential rewards. Try to consider not only the immediate changes but also the longer-term gains.
• Question the Stories You Tell
  What beliefs are keeping you stuck? For example, if you think I won’t have any friends if I stop drinking, challenge that idea. Perhaps the reality is that people who genuinely support you will remain, and you’ll have space to create new, meaningful relationships.
• Identify Emotional Triggers
  We often resist change to avoid uncomfortable emotions. By staying in our comfort zones, we feel a false sense of security, even though the status quo may be harming us. Acknowledge these feelings and remind yourself that embracing change can lead to a more rewarding life.
• Look at the Long-Term Cost of Holding On
  Imagine the cumulative effects of staying where you are. For instance, holding onto addiction might result in continued pain, disappointment, and regret. Now, think about the future you could build if you let go of these self-imposed limits.

In recovery, letting go can be more transformative than adding more to our lives. We sabotage our potential when we refuse to release harmful habits, beliefs, or people. By examining our fears, challenging our limiting stories, and focusing on the rewards of change, we open ourselves to a fulfilling and vibrant life.

If you’re ready to begin letting go, identify one area of your life where you feel stuck. Is it a habit, a belief, or a relationship that no longer serves you? Consider the cost of holding on and imagine the possibilities if you release it.

Listen to the full podcast episode for a deeper dive into these concepts and additional strategies for moving from simply being sober to truly living a sober and happy life.