What You’re Not Changing, You’re Choosing: How Holding On Holds You Back in Recovery

One of the most challenging lessons to learn in the journey of recovery from addiction and alcoholism is this: “What you are not changing, you are choosing.” This statement can be difficult to accept, especially as we confront the parts of ourselves and our lives that feel stuck. But it’s also a powerful reminder that stagnation is a choice—and that letting go of what no longer serves us can unlock the doors to real freedom and growth.

Understanding the Weight of What We Hold On To

Addiction often brings years of baggage—limiting beliefs, negative self-talk, toxic relationships, and destructive habits that can become deeply ingrained. When we first get sober, these patterns can feel like familiar parts of us. We might tell ourselves things like, “This is just who I am,” or “I’ve always done it this way.” But the truth is, what we cling to out of comfort or familiarity can ultimately hold us back from building the life we want in recovery.

When we don’t take action to change these aspects of our lives, it’s as though we’re choosing them. We’re giving these habits and beliefs permission to keep us stuck, whether consciously or unconsciously. The first step to breaking free is to recognize that in choosing not to change, we give our past power over our future.

How Holding On Keeps You Stuck in Recovery

In addiction recovery, holding on to old habits, relationships, or beliefs can be like dragging weights along as we try to move forward. Here’s how it can impact your growth:

1. Old Habits and Routines: Many of us have routines that feed into old mindsets or tempt us back toward substances. When we refuse to change these routines, we’re giving up the opportunity to replace them with healthier, more supportive habits.
2. Limiting Beliefs: Believing things like “I’m not capable of staying sober” or “I don’t deserve a better life” can be self-fulfilling. These beliefs hold us back from the confidence and optimism we need to thrive in recovery.
3. Toxic Relationships: If we continue to surround ourselves with people who don’t support our sobriety or personal growth, we limit our potential to evolve. Relationships that encourage old behaviors or drain our energy can be significant barriers to change.
4. Negative Self-Talk: The way we speak to ourselves matters. If we’re constantly criticizing ourselves, building a life we love can feel nearly impossible. Not addressing and improving self-talk keeps us in a cycle of self-doubt and shame.

Embracing Change as a Path to Freedom

To start letting go of what holds us back, we need to embrace change as an ally rather than an enemy. Change doesn’t mean losing a part of ourselves; it’s about discovering who we truly are beneath the patterns we’ve clung to.

Here are a few steps to start making the changes that will empower your recovery:

• Identify What Needs to Change: Take an honest look at your habits, routines, relationships, and beliefs. Ask yourself, “What am I holding on to that is no longer serving me?”
• Set Intentions for Change: Once you’ve identified the areas holding you back, set specific intentions to make changes. This might mean altering your daily routine, working on positive self-talk, or distancing yourself from people who aren’t supportive of your recovery.
• Take Small, Consistent Steps: Big changes don’t have to happen overnight. Start small—replace one negative habit with a positive one, practice affirmations to shift your self-talk, or set boundaries in a toxic relationship.
• Seek Support: Change can be challenging to face alone. Connect with a recovery community, therapist, or trusted friend who can help you stay accountable and provide encouragement along the way.

Choosing Change for a Brighter Future

Recovery isn’t just about quitting a substance—it’s about building a life that aligns with your values, dreams, and potential. By releasing the things that hold you back, you make space for new opportunities, healthier relationships, and a deeper connection with yourself.

Remember, change is not just possible; it’s a choice—and each choice you make toward growth is a step closer to the life you deserve. The journey of recovery is ongoing, but by letting go of what weighs you down, you’re choosing freedom, growth, and a brighter future.