Why Being A People Pleaser May Be Hurting Your Sobriety

The Hidden Weight of People Pleasing in Recovery

Does this sound familiar? You say yes to a happy hour invite, even though you’re working on your sobriety. You agree to help a friend, even if it compromises your peace. 

Many of us in recovery identify as people-pleasers, often putting the needs and opinions of others before our own. While well-intentioned, this habit can keep us trapped in environments or decisions that undermine our sobriety. 

But what if learning to say no isn’t selfish—it’s the key to a happier, healthier you?

The Power of Saying No in Recovery

People pleasing can feel like second nature, especially for those in recovery who often seek validation from others. But constantly prioritizing others’ opinions can lead to poor decisions, self-neglect, and even relapse. 

This article explores how to break free from the cycle of people pleasing, build healthier boundaries, and make decisions rooted in your values—not others’ expectations. By the end, you’ll have the tools to confidently prioritize your sobriety and well-being.

Breaking Free from People Pleasing

Recognizing the Impact of People Pleasing

Being Guided by Others’ Opinions: Are your choices dictated by what others might think? Reflect on a recent decision—was it truly yours, or did the fear of disappointing others play a role?

The “Impossible Task”: People pleasing is like trying to fly by flapping your arms—it’s unsustainable and ultimately leads to disappointment.

The Trade-Off: Saying Yes to One Thing Means Saying No to Another

Every yes has a hidden no, and every no has a hidden yes. For example:

• Saying yes to drinking with friends means saying no to a better life, authentic relationships, and personal growth.
• Saying no to a toxic relationship means saying yes to healing, self-worth, and the opportunity for real love.
• Action Step: Write a list of reasons for and against a decision. Then, explore what you’re saying no to with each yes.

Breaking the Cycle of People Pleasing

Are You Addicted to Approval? Many people pleasers base their self-worth on others’ opinions. Disappointing someone can feel like being a disappointment.  This is a vicious cycle. Constantly seeking approval only deepens feelings of inadequacy. Awareness is the first step toward breaking free.

Practical Strategies for Saying No

Stop Apologizing: Avoid starting refusals with “I’m sorry.” You don’t need to apologize for prioritizing your well-being.

Set Boundaries: Learn to assertively say no and stand firm when faced with guilt trips or manipulation. Check out Episode #19 of The Sober and Happy Podcast for more on boundaries.

Self-Care Isn’t Selfish

Recovery circles often emphasize being “selfish” in sobriety, but selfishness is often looked at negatively; instead, they look at it as self-care. Taking care of yourself isn’t about neglecting others—it’s about ensuring you can genuinely show up for the people who matter most.

A member from The Sober and Happy Facebook Community said in a post, “Self-care is not selfish—it just feels that way sometimes.” This reminder can help ease the guilt associated with prioritizing yourself.

Choosing Yourself Without Guilt

Learning to say no is a powerful act of self-respect. It’s not about being selfish; it’s about aligning your decisions with what truly matters to you. By breaking free from people pleasing, you’re not only prioritizing your sobriety but also creating healthier, more authentic relationships. 

Remember, every no to someone else is a yes to something greater for yourself—your well-being, your goals, and your happiness.

Call to Action: Embrace the Freedom of Self-Care

Are you ready to stop letting others’ opinions dictate your decisions? Start today by questioning where people-pleasing might be holding you back. 

For more insights and practical tips, listen to the full podcast episode.