Podcast – Sober And Happy Merchandise

How To Combat Excuses For Not Getting Sober

Tim Phillips February 16, 2024

The “Monday Syndrome” – When Change Never Comes

Have you ever decided to start fresh on a Monday, filled with determination to turn your life around? You’ve mapped out the reasons for change, promising yourself this time will be different. But as Monday approaches, the excuses creep in: “Maybe I’ll wait until next week,” “I’m too busy right now,” or “What if it doesn’t work out?”

Suddenly, Monday arrives, and nothing changes.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The cycle of excuses can keep us trapped, whether in addiction or other areas of life, like chasing a long-held dream. But what if you could break free from this cycle and take meaningful action today?

Recognizing and Combating Excuses to Create Lasting Change

Excuses are the silent thieves of progress. They protect us from discomfort but also rob us of growth and happiness. Addiction, especially, thrives on these justifications, blocking the path to recovery and a better life.

In this article, we’ll explore how to identify and dismantle the excuses holding you back. Whether you’re seeking sobriety, improving your health, or pursuing a dream, this guide will empower you to fight for change and prioritize what truly matters.

Strategies to Overcome Excuses and Embrace Change

Your Living In A Dangerous Neighborhood But Are You Ready to Move?

Imagine living in a crime-ridden neighborhood where your family feels unsafe. You dream of a better home but constantly find reasons to stay: the cost, the inconvenience, or the fear of the unknown. This analogy mirrors the excuses we make to avoid change, especially when confronting addiction.
Key Takeaway: Identify your “dangerous neighborhood”—whether it’s addiction, unhealthy habits, or toxic environments. Recognize that staying is riskier than stepping into the unknown.

Awareness: The Power of Recognizing Excuses

Excuses have power only when we allow them to go unchallenged. Begin by questioning the justifications you use to avoid change. Are they fear-based or rooted in genuine concerns?
Practical Tip: Visualize your internal battle as a courtroom. Are you fighting harder for your excuses or your goals? Shift your focus to building a strong case for change.

Shifting Focus: What You Gain vs. What You Lose

The thought of giving up addiction can feel overwhelming, but focusing solely on loss keeps you stuck. Instead, consider what you’ll gain: improved relationships, better health, clarity, and freedom.
Real-Life Insight: No one is ever completely ready to give up their addiction. The leap of faith is essential—focus on the life waiting for you on the other side.

Red Flags in Excuses: Words to Watch Out For

Phrases like “I’ve tried everything” or “Nothing works for me” are classic signs of resistance. They reflect fear, not fact.
Solution: Challenge these blanket statements. Instead of “I’ve tried everything,” ask yourself, “Have I truly explored all options or given my best effort?”

Fighting for What Matters: Becoming Your Own Advocate

Think of your goals as a case worth fighting for. When excuses arise, remind yourself of the reasons you’ve committed to change.
Example: If your excuse is “I’m not ready,” counter it with, “I deserve a better life now. What small step can I take today?”

The Hard Truth: Change Requires Effort

Real, lasting change isn’t easy—it’s a fight. Addiction and old habits are deeply ingrained, but the effort you put in is worth the transformation.
Motivation: Remember, you’ve fought hard for less meaningful things in the past. It’s time to redirect that energy toward something that truly matters.

Transforming Excuses into Empowerment

Excuses are a natural defense mechanism, but they don’t have to control your life. By recognizing and challenging them, you can move from a place of fear to one of empowerment. Prioritize your reasons for change over the fears holding you back, and you’ll find yourself living in a “neighborhood” where growth, safety, and joy thrive. The journey won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

Your Journey Starts Today

You don’t have to wait until Monday to make a change. Today can be the turning point where you challenge your excuses and take a step toward the life you deserve.

If this resonates with you, I encourage you to listen to the full podcast episode, where I dive deeper into these strategies and share more personal insights.

How To Discover Your Own Sobriety Journey

Tim Phillips February 9, 2024

The Moment I Questioned Everything

Early in my sobriety journey, I was told to “take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth” because I knew nothing about staying sober. I listened, not because I wanted to, but because I felt I had no choice. I continued my sobriety that way. Do what I was told; don’t ask questions. Yet, the longer I stayed sober, the harder it was to ignore the question nagging at my heart: “Is this really the best way for me to live?”

Challenging the Recovery Status Quo

Recovery offers a unique sense of community, often built on shared experiences and mutual guidance. But what happens when the advice we’re given doesn’t align with who we are? This article explores the importance of trusting your intuition, seeking diverse perspectives, and forging a recovery path that feels authentic to you.

Blindly Following Advice: The Risks

When I first entered recovery, I believed the only way to stay sober was to follow the advice of old-timers in AA. Their directives—such as telling people to hide past infidelity from a spouse or that I must “find my part” in childhood abuse—often clashed with my inner sense of right and wrong.

By following advice that didn’t resonate, I distanced myself from my intuition. Recovery is about more than abstinence; it’s about reconnecting with yourself. Blindly following advice can hinder that process, keeping you stuck in someone else’s idea of recovery.

Seeking Diverse Perspectives

Recovery isn’t one-size-fits-all. When I began to question traditional advice, I sought input from people outside my usual circle. If I needed financial advice, I spoke to financially responsible friends. For relationship struggles, I turned to those in healthy partnerships.

The key was diversifying my sources of wisdom. By seeking opinions from different backgrounds, I gained clarity and avoided echo chambers where only one perspective prevailed.

Learning to Trust Your Intuition

Deep down, we often know what feels right. But fear and uncertainty can drown out our inner voice. Reconnecting with intuition is a skill that takes time to rebuild, especially after years of addiction.

When faced with a tough decision, I gather advice, weigh it carefully, and then listen to my heart. The moment my intuition speaks, I act. While not every choice is perfect, the process strengthens my trust in myself and my ability to navigate life sober.

Embracing Mistakes as Learning Opportunities

Recovery isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. I’ve taken advice that didn’t work and ignored advice that turned out to be golden. Mistakes are inevitable, but each offers a chance to grow and adapt.

Like learning to walk, recovery is a series of falls and steps forward. Through these experiences, we build resilience and discover our unique paths.

Living Authentically in Recovery

The ultimate goal of recovery isn’t just to avoid drinking; it’s to live a life that feels true to you. By challenging traditional advice, I’ve built a life that aligns with my values, passions, and goals.

Today, my recovery is less about following rules and more about becoming the person I want to be. It’s a journey of self-discovery, growth, and embracing the freedom to live authentically.

Recovery on Your Terms

Recovery isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. By seeking diverse perspectives, trusting your intuition, and embracing the lessons in your mistakes, you can create a life that’s not only sober but deeply fulfilling. The path may not always be clear, but it will always be yours.

Call to Action: Embrace Your Unique Path

Are you following advice that doesn’t feel right? Are you ready to trust yourself and forge your own recovery journey? Start today by listening to your heart and taking one step toward the life you want.

For more insights and encouragement, listen to the full podcast episode. It’s packed with stories and strategies to help you navigate recovery confidently and authentically.

Is Forgiveness The Secret To Lasting Sobriety?

Tim Phillips February 2, 2024

Forgiveness as a Foundation for Recovery

Forgiveness can feel impossible, especially when the weight of addiction and past wrongs bears down on us. Yet, in my journey to sobriety, moments of forgiveness have become pivotal milestones, lifting burdens and creating space for healing.

In this blog, we’ll explore:

How to open yourself to the possibility of forgiveness.
Steps to work through forgiving others and yourself.
The profound impact forgiveness has on sustaining a sober, happy life.

If you’ve struggled with letting go, this guide offers a path to healing.

Starting the Forgiveness Process: Willingness Over Resistance

Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. It begins with the willingness to entertain the idea, even if you’re not ready to act on it. Ask yourself why you’re holding onto anger or pain. Are you punishing yourself or others? Do you believe forgiveness isn’t deserved?

These questions create awareness, the first step to breaking down walls of resistance. Even saying, “Maybe one day I’ll forgive,” is enough to start the process.

Forgiving Others: Releasing Resentment Without Condoning Actions

One of the most challenging aspects of forgiveness is separating a person’s actions from their humanity. For me, the journey to forgive my father required understanding the pain and trauma that shaped his life.

The breakthrough came when I asked myself:

Is it possible he wanted to be better but didn’t know how?
Could he have lacked the tools and resources to heal his own wounds?

Answering “maybe” cracked open the door to compassion. Forgiveness isn’t about approving harmful actions; it’s about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment.

Forgiving Yourself: A Mirror to Self-Worth

Self-forgiveness often feels harder than forgiving others. For years, I carried guilt for the pain I caused while drinking. My biggest hurdle was the belief that I didn’t deserve forgiveness.

But if I could see the humanity in others, why not in myself? The same process I used to forgive my father—separating the person from their actions—helped me begin to heal.

Self-forgiveness requires recognizing your worth and allowing yourself to grow beyond your past. It’s not about erasing mistakes but learning from them.

The Ripple Effect of Forgiveness: Healing Inspires More Healing

Forgiving my father and myself set off a chain reaction. As I began to make amends and receive forgiveness from others, I saw that healing is contagious. As a general rule, human nature typically follows the below universal rules:

Hurt people hurt people.
Healed people heal people.

The more I focused on forgiveness, the more I noticed a shift in my energy and relationships. Each act of forgiveness—whether given or received—became a building block for a happier, sober life.

Shifting Focus: Choosing Healing Over Resentment

Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a choice we make every day. Resentment grows when we focus on it, but healing flourishes when we prioritize forgiveness.

If you’re holding onto decades-old wounds, time alone won’t heal them. It takes conscious effort and the courage to choose forgiveness repeatedly.

Forgiveness Is Freedom

Forgiveness isn’t about excusing wrongs or forgetting the past. It’s about freeing yourself from the chains of resentment. By forgiving others and yourself, you open the door to healing, happiness, and lasting sobriety filled with peace and purpose.

Call to Action: Begin Your Journey to Forgiveness Today

Are you ready to lift the weight of resentment? Start with a small step: consider the possibility of forgiveness.

Listen to the full podcast episode for deeper insights and personal stories. It’s a heartfelt exploration of how forgiveness transforms lives and strengthens recovery.

Fill Your Life With Reasons Not To Drink

Tim Phillips January 26, 2024

A Sobering Void

When I left rehab, I followed the advice to remove everything in my life that revolved around drinking. It seemed simple—until I realized that drinking was central to almost everything I did. Sporting events, concerts, and even casual bus rides—alcohol was always present. As I eliminated these parts of my life, I was left with a vast, empty void. Sobriety felt like a punishment rather than a path to freedom.

Then, while complaining to a sober friend about how hard society makes it to have fun without being around alcohol, he asked me a simple but life-changing question: “You do know your happiness is your own responsibility, right?”

Filling the Void Left by Addiction

Early recovery often involves removing triggers and harmful influences, but what happens when you’re left with nothing to replace them? Many in recovery fall into the trap of living a life of avoidance that ultimately feels empty, boring, and uninspiring. This article explores how to transform that void into a life filled with joy, purpose, and reasons to stay sober.

The Myth of Total Avoidance

In rehab, I was told to avoid people, places, and things that reminded me of drinking. While this advice can be helpful early on, it can also lead to isolation and resentment if taken too far.

My mistake was avoiding everything without considering what truly mattered to me. For instance, I loved playing pool but stopped attending my local bar’s pool tournament because it was a drinking environment. However, I later discovered that I could enjoy playing pool in a different setting, one that didn’t jeopardize my sobriety.

The key is not to eliminate everything but to evaluate and adapt the activities that matter most.

Avoiding the Trap of a “Boring” Sobriety

At one point, my life revolved around work, recovery meetings, and home. It was safe but monotonous, leading me to resent sobriety itself.

The turning point came when a friend pointed out that happiness was my responsibility. I realized I needed to work actively to create a life that excited me. This meant revisiting old passions, trying new hobbies, and building a lifestyle that brought me joy.

For example, camping used to be a weekend of heavy drinking. When I tried it sober, I discovered I loved camping even more when I could fully enjoy nature and solitude.

Building a Life Full of Reasons Not to Drink

Recovery isn’t just about removing negatives; it’s about adding positives. The more reasons you have to stay sober, the less appealing drinking becomes.

Identify What Matters: Make a list of activities you love or want to try. Then, adapt them to fit your sober life.
Reconnect with Your “Why”: Whether it’s repairing relationships or achieving personal goals, your reason for staying sober should be stronger than any temptation.
Focus on Relationships: My nieces, who have never known the drinking version of me, are a huge part of my why. Building meaningful connections has been one of the most fulfilling parts of my recovery.

Facing Discomfort to Grow

Returning to activities that once involved drinking can feel uncomfortable, but discomfort is often a sign of growth.

My first sober concert was filled with reminders of past drunken nights, but I had a strong foundation and supportive friends. Over time, the fear and discomfort faded, replaced by the joy of experiencing live music fully present.

Overcoming Guilt and Shame

Initially, I felt unworthy of happiness. My early reason for quitting drinking was my mother—she didn’t deserve to watch her son drink himself to death. Over time, as I healed and built a fulfilling life, I realized I was worthy of happiness, too.

Today, I am proud to be a good son, uncle, and friend. I’ve built a life so full of meaning that the thought of drinking feels ridiculous.

From Void to Abundance

Sobriety is not about living in a void of “what you can’t do.” It’s about creating a life so full of purpose, joy, and love that drinking no longer feels like an option. By reconnecting with your “why,” embracing discomfort, and actively seeking fulfillment, you can build a life that makes sobriety not just possible but deeply rewarding.

Call to Action: Start Building Your Life Today

What’s one activity you’ve avoided since getting sober that you can reintroduce or adapt? What’s one new hobby or passion you can explore?

For more inspiration and practical tips, listen to the full podcast episode.

What Happens When You Stop Being Anonymous?

Tim Phillips January 19, 2024

A Fearful Admission in a Nashville Bar

Sitting in a Nashville bar during a work trip, my anxiety spiked when a colleague asked what I was drinking. “I will take a Diet Coke,” I told him. “Nothing a little stronger?” he insisted. In the past, I had always used one of the many canned excuses for saying no that I was taught in meetings, but they were usually only moderately successful and felt unauthentic.

For the first time since getting sober, I chose to be honest. “I don’t drink,” I said, fully expecting judgment. To my surprise, he just looked at me and said, “Diet Coke it is,” and moved on to ask the next person if they wanted a drink.

That moment changed everything. The fear I had carried about being open about my sobriety dissolved, and for the first time, I felt free from the shame of the stigma of being a recovered alcoholic.

The Power of Sharing Your Story

The stigma around addiction silences many people in recovery. We fear judgment, rejection, or professional consequences. But what if sharing your story could inspire hope, change lives, and dismantle stigma one conversation at a time?

This article explores the transformative power of recovering out loud. Through my journey, you’ll learn how openness about your sobriety can free you from shame, foster connections, and provide hope to those still struggling.

Understanding the Stigma Around Addiction

Every day, hundreds of people die from addiction-related causes, yet the outcry is minimal. Addiction-related deaths are often dismissed as self-inflicted, creating a societal indifference that creates a stigma around addiction. While societal attitudes play a role, we must ask ourselves: are we, as a recovery community, doing enough to challenge this stigma?

By remaining silent, we unintentionally reinforce the idea that addiction is shameful. Sharing our stories can humanize addiction and inspire compassion.

From Secrecy to Shame: The Weight of Silence

For years, I lived in secrecy about my sobriety. I crafted excuses to avoid questions about drinking, fearing judgment from coworkers and friends. But this secrecy only deepened my shame.

The moment I chose honesty in Nashville, the shame lifted. By being open about my recovery, I discovered that people are more accepting than I imagined. Instead of judgment, I was met with admiration and support.

Secrecy isolates us. Openness creates connection.

The Ripple Effect of Recovering Out Loud

Being open about sobriety doesn’t just free you—it has the power to transform others. At a Tony Robbins conference, I shared my story with a stranger. She later confided that my honesty gave her hope for her son, who was struggling with addiction.

Since then, I’ve had countless conversations with people who were inspired by my journey. Some were family members of addicts; others were struggling themselves. Each conversation reinforced the importance of recovering out loud.

You never know who might need to hear your story to find hope.

Navigating the Fear of Judgment

The fear of judgment can feel paralyzing. What if people think less of you? What if it affects your career?

In my experience, those fears are often unfounded. When I shared my sobriety with a colleague, his response wasn’t judgment—it was respect. He later told me that my honesty demonstrated strength and character.

Yes, some people may judge. But the freedom and connections you gain far outweigh the occasional negativity.

Changing the Stigma, One Story at a Time

When we recover out loud, we challenge stereotypes and humanize addiction. Each story shared chips away at the stigma, creating a ripple effect of understanding and compassion.

Imagine if more of us spoke up. The collective voice of people in recovery has the power to demand better resources, shift public perceptions, and inspire those still struggling to seek help.

The Freedom in Authenticity

Recovering out loud is a courageous act that benefits both you and those around you. It frees you from shame, fosters genuine connections, and contributes to breaking the stigma around addiction. By sharing your story, you can inspire hope, challenge misconceptions, and create a more compassionate world.

Call to Action: Share Your Voice, Change a Life

Are you ready to take the first step in recovering out loud? Start with one honest conversation. Whether it’s a coworker, a friend, or a stranger, your story could provide the hope they need.

For more inspiration and insights, listen to the full podcast episode.

Why Settling May Be Jeopardizing Your Sobriety

Tim Phillips January 12, 2024

A Morning of Reflection and a Life on Hold

On the morning of my fifth sobriety anniversary, I expected to feel triumphant—a milestone worth celebrating. Instead, I felt hollow. I woke up thinking that reaching this milestone would magically unlock fulfillment, but I was struck by the realization that nothing had truly changed from the day before. I had settled into a life where I was merely sober, not living the joyful, fulfilling existence I dreamed of. It was a wake-up call: sobriety was not the final destination—it was the foundation for something more.

Are You Stuck in the Rut of Sobriety?

Many people in recovery experience an initial boost of energy and hope when they break free from addiction. But as the years pass, they can fall into a routine that feels stagnant. Sobriety may become just a box they check off daily rather than a stepping stone to a better life.

In this article, we’ll explore the reasons why so many of us settle for less and how we can recognize when we’re stuck in a rut. You’ll learn practical strategies to break free, pursue your dreams, and create a truly fulfilling life.

Settling in the Name of Gratitude: When Thankfulness Becomes a Barrier

Gratitude is a powerful tool in recovery but can mask complacency. In my early sobriety, I took a job far below my qualifications to rebuild my career. While I was grateful for the opportunity, my sponsor discouraged me from looking ahead, framing my aspirations as a lack of gratitude.

Gratitude doesn’t mean you have to settle for less than you’re capable of. It’s possible to be thankful for what you have while striving for more. Ask yourself: are you grateful or using gratitude as an excuse to avoid pursuing something greater?

The Comfort Zone: A Safe but Unfulfilling Trap

The comfort zone feels predictable and safe, but it’s often where dreams go to die. In recovery, many people fall into routines that feel “comfortable” but don’t challenge or excite them.

Ask yourself: is your comfort zone truly comfortable, or does it leave you longing for more? Growth happens when we push ourselves beyond what’s familiar, even if it initially feels uncomfortable.

The Fear of Failure and the Judgment of Others

Fear of failure is a common reason people settle. For me, it wasn’t just the fear of failing but of being judged—by both those who might see me stumble and those who might criticize my success.

But here’s the truth: the ultimate failure is giving up on your dreams. By stepping out of your comfort zone and embracing vulnerability, you can build something meaningful. Remember, the judgment of others pales in comparison to the regret of not trying.

The Influence of Society and Those Around Us

We are often shaped by society’s and the people closest to us’s expectations. If those influences encourage conformity and discourage risk, they can hold us back.

Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Take a hard look at your inner circle: are they inspiring you to grow or pulling you back into mediocrity? Surround yourself with people who encourage you to chase your dreams.

How to Break Free from the Rut

The first step to breaking free is recognizing you’re stuck. Take time to reflect on your life. What dreams have you left behind? What does your heart truly desire?

Once you’ve identified your dreams, take small, actionable steps to create momentum. Share your goals with someone you trust for accountability.

From Surviving to Thriving in Recovery

Sobriety is not the end of the road—it’s the beginning. Settling for “just being sober” limits the possibilities of the fulfilling, joyful life you can create. By pushing beyond your comfort zone, confronting fear, and surrounding yourself with positive influences, you can chase your dreams and build the life you’ve always wanted.

Call to Action: Take the First Step Toward Your Dream

Are you ready to break free from the rut and live a life beyond sobriety? Take a quiet moment to reflect on your deepest desires. What’s holding you back? Identify one small step you can take today to start building momentum.

For more tips and inspiration, listen to the full podcast episode.

Is Dry January A Good Idea For Quitting Drinking?

Tim Phillips January 5, 2024

A Sobering Encounter on the Open Seas

The idea of Dry January brings to mind the images of fresh starts and healthier habits. But what happens when someone commits to a month of sobriety as a license to overindulge later? On a recent New Year’s Eve cruise, I met a man who was definitely in the “license to overindulge” camp. He was enthusiastic about his plan for a dry January (which he was doing to prove to his friends that he didn’t have a drinking problem)—but equally excited for the four-day drinking binge he had planned for February 1st.

This encounter got me thinking: Is Dry January a helpful challenge for people looking to reset their relationship with alcohol, or is it just a prelude to relapse? As with many things in recovery, the answer depends on your motivations and how you approach the month.

Is Dry January Right for You?

Dry January has become a popular way to start the new year with healthier intentions. But is it a good idea for everyone? For casual drinkers, it can be a fun health challenge. For those with a more complicated relationship with alcohol, it might bring deeper issues to the surface.

In this article, we’ll explore who might benefit from participating in Dry January, who should approach it cautiously, and how to make the most of the experience if you decide to take on the challenge.

Understanding Your Motivation for Dry January

The first step to success in Dry January is understanding why you’re doing it. Are you trying to reset after overindulgence during the holiday? Are you questioning your relationship with alcohol? Or are you, like my cruise companion, trying to prove something to others?

For those with a problematic relationship with alcohol, using Dry January as a way to justify future binge drinking is counterproductive. Instead, approach the month as an opportunity for self-discovery. Pay attention to how often you think about alcohol and how those thoughts affect your mood.

Key Question: What does success in Dry January look like for you?

Avoiding the “Boring Sobriety” Trap

One of the biggest misconceptions about sobriety is that it’s boring. This myth often stems from spending time focused solely on not drinking rather than engaging in meaningful activities.

Take this month as a chance to explore interests that may have been sidelined by drinking. Whether it’s picking up an old hobby, trying something new, or reconnecting with loved ones, use the time to build a fulfilling life that doesn’t revolve around alcohol.

Action Step: Make a list of “someday” activities you’ve been putting off and commit to trying at least one this month.

Challenge Beliefs About Alcohol’s Role in Your Life

Sobriety isn’t just about what you’re giving up; it’s about what you’re gaining. Think about the areas in your life where alcohol has held you back. Are there relationships that need mending? Are there career goals you’ve neglected?

Focus on the benefits of sobriety that matter most to you. For some, it might be improved health or better sleep. For others, it’s about repairing relationships or regaining self-respect.

Action Step: Journal about the positive changes you notice during Dry January and how those changes make you feel.

Journaling: A Tool for Reflection and Growth

Journaling is a powerful tool for self-reflection during Dry January. It doesn’t have to be complicated—just write down your thoughts and feelings daily. Pay attention to patterns, triggers, and moments of clarity.

Your journal will be invaluable when the month ends, helping you assess what worked, what didn’t, and whether returning to drinking aligns with the life you want to create.

Action Step: Spend 5–10 minutes daily writing about your experience, even if it’s just a few sentences.

Reevaluate Before Returning to Drinking

Before reaching for that first drink in February, take time to reflect on the month. Look back at your journal and ask yourself:

What did I gain from not drinking?
What concerns about my drinking led me to try Dry January in the first place?
If I return to drinking, how will I ensure it doesn’t undo the progress I’ve made?

Ultimately, ask yourself whether it’s worth it to go back to drinking, and be honest with your answer.

Turning a Month-Long Challenge Into Lifelong Growth

Dry January can be a helpful reset or a revealing experiment, depending on how you approach it. By using the month to explore your relationship with alcohol, engage in meaningful activities, and reflect on your experiences, you can gain insights beyond a temporary break.

For those questioning whether drinking is holding them back, Dry January might be the first step toward a lasting positive change.

Call to Action: Start the Year Strong

Are you considering Dry January, or are you already partway through it? Make the most of the experience by listening to this week’s episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast. We dive deeper into practical tips and strategies for navigating the month and beyond.

The Biggest Mistakes I Have Learned From In Recovery

Tim Phillips December 29, 2023

A New Year’s Reflection

The end of the year often feels like a natural time for reflection—a chance to look back at what went well and what didn’t. For those of us in recovery, it’s not just about resolutions but recognizing how the lessons from our mistakes can shape a brighter, sober future.

I recently reflected on the many missteps I’ve made throughout my sobriety journey, thinking about what I would tell my younger self if I could go back. While I can’t rewrite my past, I can share those lessons with you so you can avoid some of the same pitfalls.

Transforming Mistakes into Growth

Mistakes are inevitable in recovery, but how we respond to them determines whether they keep us stuck or propel us forward. By examining where we went wrong and making intentional changes, we can break free from harmful cycles and build the fulfilling, sober lives we deserve.

In this article, we’ll explore some common mistakes in recovery, how to learn from them, and practical strategies to foster growth and resilience.

The Power of Reflection: Break the Cycle

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of self-reflection. Early in my sobriety, I would often end up in the same harmful situations, wondering, “How did I get here again?” I kept repeating the same patterns without taking the time to analyze what went wrong.

Reflection isn’t just about journaling; it’s about identifying what didn’t work and why. I now do a weekly check-in, reviewing the past week and planning for the next. This process helps me spot distractions, fears, or misaligned goals before they derail me.

Action Step: Dedicate time each week for a personal review. Ask yourself: What worked? What didn’t? Why?

Rebuilding Intuition: Trust Yourself Again

After years of poor decisions during active addiction, it’s easy to lose trust in your judgment. Many recovery programs emphasize this mistrust, but learning to trust your intuition is essential for long-term growth.

Rebuilding intuition starts with small decisions. Own your choices, learn from your mistakes, and gradually develop the confidence to make decisions that align with your values and goals.

Action Step: When faced with a decision, pause and ask yourself, “Does this align with the life I want to create?”

Avoiding Blindly Following Advice

Early in recovery, I often followed advice without question, believing others knew better than I did. While guidance is valuable, blindly following someone else’s path can lead to missteps.

For example, I once returned to school to work towards my master’s degree based on a sponsor’s advice, even though it didn’t feel right. I eventually realized I was chasing a dream that no longer resonated with me at that point in my life. Seeking diverse perspectives and trusting my intuition could have saved me time, money, and frustration.

Action Step: Seek advice from people with relevant experience, but always evaluate it against your own goals and feelings.

Expanding Your Support System

For years, I believed only other alcoholics could understand and support me. While it’s true that those in recovery offer unique insights, limiting myself to their advice excluded valuable perspectives from non-alcoholic friends and mentors.

Some of the best advice I’ve received came from people outside of recovery—individuals who knew me well and offered fresh perspectives on my challenges.

Action Step: Build a diverse support network that includes both those in recovery and those outside of it who understand and support your goals.

Embracing Mistakes as Learning Opportunities

Mistakes don’t define us; they’re opportunities to grow. Like trees growing stronger roots when exposed to wind, we develop resilience through adversity.

Early in sobriety, I struggled with shame and regret over my past choices. Over time, I learned to view mistakes as lessons rather than failures. Every time I faced a challenge sober, I grew stronger and more capable of handling life’s ups and downs.

Action Step: When you make a mistake, ask yourself: What is the lesson here? How can I use this experience to grow?

From Mistakes to Momentum

Recovery is not about perfection—it’s about progress. By reflecting on our experiences, trusting our intuition, seeking diverse advice, and embracing mistakes as opportunities, we can break free from harmful cycles and build a life filled with resilience and joy.

Your mistakes don’t define you; your response to them does.

Call to Action: Turn Reflection into Action

If this article resonated with you, dive deeper into these lessons by listening to the full episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast. We explore practical ways to reflect, grow, and embrace your recovery journey.

Is Your Limiting Self-Beliefs Holding You Back?

Tim Phillips December 22, 2023

The Power of a Single Seed

Imagine someone handing you a seed and saying, “This is all you’ll ever grow.” You plant, water, and watch as it grows into something small and stunted because you believed their words. Now, imagine another person handing you a seed and saying, “This has the potential to grow into something extraordinary if you nurture it.” You pour love and attention into it, and it flourishes into something magnificent.

This is how our beliefs work. They’re the seeds we plant in our minds, and they dictate how we grow. For those of us in recovery, these seeds often come with a narrative that we’re not enough, can’t change, or our past defines us. But what if we could rewrite that narrative?

Why What You Believe About Yourself Matters

Limiting self-beliefs are the invisible chains that keep us stuck in the past, especially in recovery. These beliefs, often planted by others or by our own past mistakes, can hold us back from living the fulfilling life we deserve.

In this article, we’ll explore how these beliefs take root, how they shape our actions, and, most importantly, how to replace them with empowering beliefs that support sobriety and happiness.

What Are Limiting Self-Beliefs?

Limiting self-beliefs are the internal stories we tell ourselves about who we are and our capabilities. In recovery, these often sound like:

“I’ll never be able to stay sober.”
“I’m not worthy of happiness or love.”
“I’ve made too many mistakes to deserve a better life.”

These beliefs don’t form in a vacuum. They’re often planted by external voices—teachers, parents, peers—or our experiences. For example, struggling with math as a child and hearing a teacher say, “Not everyone is good at math,” can create a belief that you’re inherently bad at math, even if evidence later proves otherwise.

The same principle applies to recovery. If we’ve relapsed before, it’s easy to believe we’ll fail again. This belief then influences our actions, creating a cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy.

How Beliefs Shape Reality: The Role of Confirmation Bias

Once a belief is planted, confirmation bias kicks in. This psychological phenomenon causes us to seek evidence that supports our beliefs, even if those beliefs are negative.

For instance, if you believe you’re unworthy of love, you’ll focus on every rejection or mistake that seems to validate that belief while ignoring evidence to the contrary.

In my own journey, I carried the belief that I wasn’t smart enough to succeed academically. Even though I passed challenging exams and earned a degree, I discounted those achievements because they didn’t align with my beliefs. It wasn’t until someone I respected planted a positive seed—telling me I had untapped potential—that my mindset began to shift.

Action Step: Identify one negative belief you hold about yourself. Write down three pieces of evidence that contradict it.

Changing the Narrative: Planting Positive Seeds

Shifting limiting beliefs starts with planting new, empowering ones. This doesn’t happen overnight, but every small victory can water the new seeds.

When I struggled with self-worth in recovery, a mentor’s words helped me reframe my narrative: “Your past does not define you. You’re defined by what you choose to do today.”

To change your beliefs, surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. As Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If your current environment reinforces limiting beliefs, it’s time to find a new tribe—people who see your potential and cheer you on.

Action Step: Reflect on the five people you spend the most time with. Are they watering your growth or reinforcing your limitations?

The Words We Speak to Ourselves

The words we use shape our reality. Saying “I’ll never be good enough” cements that belief, while saying “I’m learning and growing every day” opens the door to change.

By reframing how we talk about ourselves and our choices, we can create a narrative of empowerment rather than apology.

Action Step: Replace one negative self-statement with a positive affirmation this week.

The Ripple Effect of Positive Beliefs

Changing our internal narrative doesn’t just affect us—it impacts those around us. We inspire others to do the same as we grow more confident and capable.

One of the most rewarding moments in my recovery journey was when someone told me, “Seeing you change made me believe I could change too.” By breaking free from my own limiting beliefs, I unknowingly planted seeds of hope in someone else.

Action Step: Share a positive belief or encouragement with someone in your life who might need it.

You Are More Than Your Past

Your beliefs shape your reality, but they’re not set in stone. You can rewrite your story by recognizing and challenging limiting self-beliefs, planting new seeds of empowerment, and surrounding yourself with supportive people.

Remember, you are not your past. You are not your mistakes. You are capable, worthy, and deserving of a life filled with joy, love, and fulfillment.

Rewrite Your Narrative

If you found this article helpful, I encourage you to listen to the full episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast. In this episode, we dive deeper into the power of beliefs, how to identify limiting ones, and actionable steps to create a more empowering narrative.

Red Flags To Look Out For In Our Sobriety

Tim Phillips December 15, 2023

Imagine preparing for a marathon, but every day leading up to the race, you tell yourself, “I’ll never make it past the first mile.” The day of the race arrives, and sure enough, you collapse before mile two. Not because you weren’t capable but because you had already convinced yourself of failure.

This isn’t just a story about running; it’s the reality many people face in recovery. Predicting failure is just one of the many internal red flags that can lead to relapse.

The Biggest Relapse Threat Is Within

When we think of relapse triggers, we often focus on external factors—being around alcohol, peer pressure, or stressful environments. While these are important to address, the biggest dangers often lurk within us.

From self-defeating narratives to romanticizing the past, internal red flags can quietly pave the way for relapse if we don’t recognize and address them. This article will explore common internal red flags, how to spot them, and what to do when they appear.

Red Flags To Look Out For In Recovery

Predicting Your Own Failure. Henry Ford famously said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t—you’re right.” This is especially true in recovery. When we tell ourselves stories like, “I can never make it past 30 days,” we often create self-fulfilling prophecies. In my early recovery attempts, I repeated this narrative constantly, and sure enough, I always drank before reaching day 30. It wasn’t until I changed my mindset to “I’ll do everything in my power to stay sober” that I finally broke past that milestone.
- Action Step: Identify limiting beliefs you may be repeating to yourself. Replace them with affirmations of possibility and determination.
Romanticizing the “Good Old Days”. It’s easy to remember the fun times associated with drinking and conveniently forget the consequences—destroyed relationships, lost jobs, and the endless cycle of regret. Nostalgia is a powerful force, but it often paints a one-sided picture. When I found myself longing for my carefree college days of drinking, I had to remind myself of the full story: the broken friendships, the financial strain, and the mornings filled with shame and regret.
- Action Step: When you catch yourself reminiscing, write down the consequences you faced during your addiction. Keep this list as a reality check for when nostalgia creeps in.
Telling “War Stories”. In early recovery, there’s a common tendency to swap stories about drinking escapades. While sharing our past can help us connect with others and heal, bragging about old drinking habits keeps us stuck in the past. Recovery is about building a new life, not reliving the old one. Instead of boasting about how much you drank, celebrate your current wins—like showing up for your child’s soccer game or conquering a fear you’ve carried for years.
- Action Step: Focus on sharing stories that highlight your progress and growth rather than glorifying your past.
Negotiating with Yourself. In the early days of sobriety, it’s common to start bargaining. I would tell myself things like “Maybe I wasn’t drinking that much”, “If I only drink on weekends, it’ll be fine”, and “This time, I’ll be different.” These thoughts are dangerous because they lead to justification for relapse. During my first weeks in rehab, I had countless “good ideas” about how I could moderate my drinking. Thankfully, I shared these thoughts with my counselor, who helped me see the flawed logic.
- Action Step: If you start negotiating with yourself, share these thoughts with someone you trust—a therapist, sponsor, or supportive friend.
Blaming Circumstances. It’s easy to blame external factors for drinking: a stressful job, a breakup, or financial struggles. But the truth is, we don’t drink because of our circumstances; we drink because we choose to numb our emotions instead of facing them. Life will always bring challenges, but sobriety gives us the tools to face them without self-destruction.
- Action Step: When faced with a difficult situation, ask yourself, “What can I do to cope with this in a healthy way?” Seek support if needed, and remind yourself of the bigger picture.

Choosing Your Path to Recovery

Recovery isn’t just about avoiding alcohol—it’s about recognizing the internal red flags that can lead us astray. By addressing self-defeating thoughts, romanticizing the past, and blaming circumstances, we can take control of our sobriety and create a fulfilling life.

Sobriety isn’t just about survival; it’s about thriving. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.” Choose to believe in your ability to build a life where you’re both sober and happy.

If this article resonated with you, dive deeper into these topics by listening to the full episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast. Learn how to spot internal red flags, shift your mindset, and take actionable steps toward lasting recovery.

Navigating Sobriety In A Drunk Society

Tim Phillips December 8, 2023

The Unexpected Soundtrack of Recovery

Imagine this: you’re sitting in rehab, a place meant to provide refuge from the chaos of addiction, when a song blares over the radio. The lyrics—detailing dirt roads, ice-cold beer, and carefree nights—transport you back to memories of your drinking days. Suddenly, the very substance you’re trying to escape is front and center in your mind.

This was my reality in early sobriety. Even within the protective walls of rehab, alcohol found its way into my thoughts. Once I left, the reminders were everywhere—billboards, TV ads, grocery store aisles. At first, I thought avoiding alcohol was the solution. What I didn’t realize was that my constant focus on avoidance only made me think about it more.

The Challenge of Sobriety in an Alcohol-Filled World

Getting sober in a world where alcohol is normalized can feel like navigating a minefield. Everywhere you turn, reminders of drinking are embedded into daily life. For those in recovery, this can be overwhelming, especially in the early days.

But here’s the truth: avoiding alcohol entirely isn’t just unrealistic—it’s counterproductive. The more you focus on what you’re trying to avoid, the more power it holds over you. Instead, the key to staying sober lies in shifting your focus to something greater: a vision for the life you want to create.

In this article, we’ll explore how to navigate sobriety in an alcohol-saturated society, why avoidance isn’t the answer, and how focusing on your goals can lead to true freedom.

Why Avoidance Doesn’t Work

In the early days of my recovery, I tried to dodge every possible trigger. I avoided bars, rerouted my commute to miss a Coors Light billboard, and even drove 15 minutes out of my way to shop at a grocery store that didn’t place soda in the same aisle as the alcohol.

At first, this felt like the right strategy. But I soon realized that avoiding alcohol only made me think about it more. Driving past the grocery store became a reminder of what I was trying to escape. Watching football became a chore as I constantly changed the channel to avoid beer commercials. The more I focused on avoiding alcohol, the stronger its presence became in my mind.

This is what Tony Robbins means when he says, “Where your focus goes, your energy flows.” My constant attention to alcohol kept me tethered to its power.

A New Focus: Positive Counter-Triggers

Rather than fixating on the obstacle, focusing on your destination is the key to lasting sobriety. What do you want your sober life to look like? What dreams have you put on hold? Who are the people you’re staying sober for?

For me, this meant replacing moments of temptation with moments of connection and joy. When the thought of stopping at a liquor store on my way home from work arose, I’d redirect my energy toward the positive feelings of coming home sober.

By creating positive counter-triggers, I replaced feelings of deprivation with feelings of gratitude and purpose.

Building a Fulfilling Sober Life

Sobriety isn’t just about removing alcohol; it’s about filling your life with meaningful experiences that leave no room for its presence. Imagine your life as a container: the more you fill it with fulfilling relationships, dreams, and personal growth, the less space there is for temptation.

Early in recovery, your container might feel small—every exposure to alcohol feels potent. But as you rebuild relationships, chase forgotten dreams, and collect joyful experiences, your container grows. Suddenly, the same triggers that once felt overwhelming become diluted and powerless.

Think of it like pouring a bottle of liquor into a glass versus into a lake. The more you expand your life, the less effect those triggers will have.

Paddling Toward Your Goals

In white-water rafting, guides used to warn paddlers about dangerous trees in the water. Despite their best efforts, groups kept hitting the trees. Then, the guides changed their approach, focusing on the safe path instead of the obstacle. By steering their attention to where they wanted to go instead of the obstacles, paddlers naturally avoided the danger.

This is the mindset shift required in recovery. Don’t dwell on avoiding alcohol. Instead, focus on the life you’re building. Set clear goals and paddle with all your energy toward them. Whether it’s reconnecting with loved ones, pursuing a passion, or simply finding peace within yourself, make your goals the center of your attention.

Freedom Beyond Avoidance

The world around you won’t change. Alcohol will always be present, and society will continue to normalize it. But you can change. By focusing on your dreams, creating positive counter-triggers, and building a fulfilling life, you can dilute the power alcohol once held over you.

Sobriety isn’t about fighting a battle every day; it’s about creating a life so rich and joyful that alcohol becomes irrelevant.

Start Paddling Toward Your Dream Life

Are you ready to shift your focus from obstacles to opportunities? Start by envisioning the life you want and take small steps toward it every day.

For more strategies and inspiration, listen to the full episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast. Discover how to navigate triggers, build resilience, and create a life that’s not just sober, but truly fulfilling.

How To Free Ourselves From The Guilt and Shame Of Our Past

Tim Phillips December 1, 2023

The Weight of an Old Photograph

Recently, while sorting through an old box, I stumbled upon two photographs from my time in rehab. The first was taken at the start of my journey—disheveled, older than my years, and visibly worn down by addiction. The second, from my graduation day, was cleaner and younger-looking, but the haunted expression in my eyes told a different story. Despite the progress I’d made, the weight of guilt and shame loomed over me like a storm cloud.

This moment took me back to the heavy emotions of early recovery, particularly the paralyzing guilt over my past actions and the shame of believing I was fundamentally flawed. But as I’ve learned, guilt and shame are not identities—they’re emotions, and they can be addressed and released.

The Grip of Guilt and Shame

One of the biggest obstacles in recovery is dealing with guilt and shame. These emotions can stem from the harm caused to others, broken promises, lies told, or even the simple act of prioritizing recovery over old friendships. Left unchecked, guilt and shame can not only hinder progress but lead to relapse.

But here’s the good news: You don’t have to carry this burden forever. By acknowledging, addressing, and reframing these emotions, you can free yourself and move forward with confidence and self-compassion.

Understanding Guilt and Shame

While guilt and shame often feel similar, they stem from different places. Guilt is tied to specific actions—feeling bad about something you did. Shame, on the other hand, attacks your core identity, making you feel like you are fundamentally flawed or unworthy.

For example, I once took my best friend Dan’s share of the rent and spent it during a drinking binge. When my schemes to fix the situation failed, I left town without a word, leaving him to face eviction. My guilt came from knowing I’d wronged him. But shame whispered darker messages: “You’re a terrible friend. You’re unworthy of love. You’ll never be good enough.”

It’s crucial to separate these emotions and address them individually to move forward. While the guilt could be handled by making amends and paying back the money I owe, the shame only dissipates as I change to no longer become the type of person who would do that again.

Acknowledging and Facing the Emotions

Avoidance is a common response to guilt and shame. Many of us used substances to numb these feelings, creating a destructive cycle: we’d act out, feel guilty, use substances to cope, and then repeat. In recovery, this avoidance might shift to other behaviors like overeating or unhealthy relationships.

The first step to breaking this cycle is acknowledgment. Much like turning on a light to dispel the imagined monsters in a dark room, facing these emotions head-on reduces their power. Researcher Brené Brown identifies four key steps to addressing shame:

Recognize and name your shame triggers.
Identify external factors that contributed to your feelings.
Connect with others to offer and receive empathy.
Speak openly about your feelings.

The act of sharing these emotions with someone you trust can be transformative.

Making Amends and Taking Action

Acknowledgment alone isn’t enough—we must also take action. Making amends where possible is essential for healing. Whether repaying debts, offering heartfelt apologies, or taking responsibility for your actions, these steps allow you to reconcile with the past.

However, amends must be paired with behavioral changes. Apologizing for past mistakes is not enough if we continue the same patterns. Start defining the person you want to be. What are your values? What standards will you uphold? Begin making decisions that align with the life you want to build.

Saying No Without Guilt

In recovery, you may need to say no to situations, people, or behaviors that jeopardize your progress. While feeling guilty when disappointing others is natural, reframing your perspective can help.

When I declined invitations to bars or parties early in recovery, I reminded myself that I wasn’t saying no to friends—I was saying yes to a healthier, happier life. Replacing apologies with firm, confident statements like “That life isn’t for me anymore” helped me set boundaries without guilt.

Forgiving Yourself and Others

Self-forgiveness often feels impossible, especially when shame has taken root. But here’s the truth: you cannot fully forgive yourself until you begin forgiving others.

When we hold onto resentment, we create a lens of judgment through which we view both others and ourselves. If we label others unforgivable for their actions, we will likely do the same to ourselves. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning harmful actions—it means releasing the weight of resentment and choosing to move forward.

Freeing Yourself from the Burden

Breaking free from guilt and shame is one of the most liberating experiences in recovery. These emotions, while powerful, are not identities. You are not your past mistakes; you don’t have to carry their weight forever.

By acknowledging your emotions, making amends, setting boundaries, and committing to growth, you can rewrite your story. Forgiveness—both of yourself and others—is the final step toward a life filled with freedom and joy.

Reclaim Your Worth

You are worthy of happiness, fulfillment, and love. It’s time to release the guilt and shame that no longer serve you.

For more insights and actionable steps, listen to the full episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast where we dive deeper into forgiveness, boundary-setting, and building a life you’re proud of.

Your Sober Guide To The Holidays

Tim Phillips November 24, 2023

The Gift Exchange Gone Wrong

I’ll never forget my first holiday season in recovery. Fresh out of rehab, I had meticulously prepared a relapse prevention plan. Yet, life had other plans. At my work’s white elephant gift exchange, I somehow managed to select not one, not two, but three alcohol-themed gifts. It was the first time I’d held a bottle since getting sober, and anxiety took over.

What could have been a disastrous moment taught me one of the most valuable lessons about sobriety: the importance of having someone who has your back. A close coworker (the only person at work who knew I was sober) lightened the situation with humor, helped me discard the wine, and turned a stressful day into something I could laugh about.

The holidays are filled with potential triggers, but with the right preparation and mindset, they can be a time of joy and growth.

Introduction: Finding Joy in Sobriety During the Holidays

The holiday season can be challenging for anyone in recovery. Parties, family dinners, and social obligations often come with stress, pressure, and plenty of alcohol. But these moments don’t have to derail your progress.

This article will explore strategies for not only surviving the holidays sober but also thriving during them. From building a support network to mastering the art of saying no, these tips will help you create a meaningful and enjoyable holiday season.

Tips For A Sober Holiday

Build a Support System. Having someone who understands and supports your sobriety is invaluable. My coworker’s support made all the difference during the white elephant exchange. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or fellow person in recovery, find someone who can help you navigate difficult situations. Support can look different for everyone. For me, humor eases tension, and my coworker helped me laugh about the absurdity of the gift exchange. If you prefer a more serious approach, find someone who communicates that way to support you.
Communicate Clearly. Family gatherings can be particularly tough if you’re around people who don’t fully understand or respect your sobriety. Open communication is crucial and is best done in advance when possible. Clear, honest conversations can transform potential challenges into opportunities for deeper connections and support.
Set Boundaries and Prioritize Your Sobriety. It’s okay to say no. Whether it’s a family dinner or an office party, if you feel it might jeopardize your sobriety, you are not obligated to attend. Declining invitations early in recovery is not a sign of weakness but a commitment to your health.
Have an Exit Strategy. If you decide to attend holiday events, have an exit strategy. Drive yourself or coordinate with someone who will support you leaving early if needed. Make sure they understand your sobriety is the priority and your ride is not someone who is going to pressure you to “just stay a little longer” when you say you need to leave.
Know Your Triggers and Have a Plan. The holidays are rife with potential triggers: stress, family dynamics, and the prevalence of alcohol. Being prepared can make all the difference.
1. Know your triggers: Reflect on past holidays and identify situations that made you uncomfortable.
1. Have a plan: If you know Uncle Bob will offer you a drink, prepare a polite but firm response ahead of time. If certain conversations stress you out, plan ways to redirect them.
Stay Connected to Your Why. Your reason for staying sober is your most powerful tool. During the holidays, temptations can feel overwhelming, but a deeply rooted “why” can make those temptations disappear. If your “why” isn’t crystal clear yet, I recommend listening to episode #2 of this podcast, where I discuss finding your purpose in sobriety.

Thriving, Not Just Surviving

The holidays don’t have to be a minefield for those in recovery. With a solid support system, open communication, healthy boundaries, and a strong connection to your purpose, you can confidently navigate this season.

Sobriety is about more than abstaining from alcohol—it’s about building a life that makes staying sober worth it. The holidays can be a beautiful opportunity to practice the tools and habits that help you grow into the best version of yourself.

Let’s Make This Holiday Season One to Celebrate

As you prepare for the holiday season, take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you. How can you align your actions with your goals for sobriety?

For more tips, stories, and insights, listen to the full episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast. Whether you’re navigating your first holiday season sober or your tenth, this episode offers practical advice and encouragement to make the season meaningful and joyful.

Establishing and Maintaining Healthy Sober Routines

Tim Phillips November 17, 2023

A Sharp Pain and a Life Lesson

Last Thursday, as I bent over to pick up some clothes, a sharp pain shot through my back, leaving me immobile. My physical therapist’s words the next day hit me hard: “Have you been keeping up with the stretching routine I gave you?” Sheepishly, I admitted I’d stopped months ago, thinking I no longer needed it.

That conversation reminded me of countless talks I’ve had with people in recovery. They’ll say, “I don’t know what happened—I was doing so well, and then I relapsed.” But like my back pain didn’t appear overnight, relapses often don’t either. They’re the result of slowly stepping away from healthy routines.

Why Routines Matter in Sobriety

In recovery, establishing and maintaining healthy routines is crucial. It’s not just about avoiding relapse; it’s about creating a fulfilling life that makes sobriety sustainable. But how do we start? How do we prioritize the habits that matter most?

This article explores the steps to build and maintain routines that support lasting sobriety. You’ll learn:

How bad habits form and how to replace them.
The importance of starting small to ensure success.
How to prioritize habits that bring fulfillment and joy.

Let’s dive in and uncover how small changes can lead to big transformations in your recovery journey.

The Cycle of Bad Habits: Recognizing the Pattern

For most of us, addiction is a series of deeply ingrained habits. We drank at specific times, with specific people, or in response to specific emotions. These habits became so strong that the thought of changing them seemed impossible.

But here’s the good news: if you can form bad habits, you can also form good ones. It starts with recognizing the patterns.

Think about your triggers. Do you always feel the urge to drink on Thursdays because it’s “almost the weekend”? Do you associate social events with alcohol? Once you’ve identified these patterns, you can replace them with healthier alternatives.

Start Small: Avoid the Overwhelm

One of the most common mistakes in early recovery is trying to change everything at once. People decide to quit drinking, start going to the gym, meditate daily, eat healthier, and fix every relationship—all at the same time. This approach often leads to burnout and failure.

Instead, focus on one major change and a supporting habit. For example, if you want to stop going to the bar after work, start by taking a different route home. This small change removes a significant temptation and makes your larger goal more manageable.

Research shows that our chances of success increase when we focus on a limited number of changes at a time. So, choose wisely and give yourself the best opportunity to succeed.

Replace Bad Habits with Joyful Alternatives

Quitting a bad habit without replacing it leaves a void, which can lead to frustration and relapse. Instead, find activities that bring you joy or fulfillment.

For instance, if you’re used to going to the bar after work, replace that routine with something you enjoy. Maybe it’s a hobby, exercise, or spending time with your family.

This process may require some trial and error. Not every activity will resonate immediately, but don’t give up. Recovery is about discovery—exploring new interests and finding what brings you happiness.

The Long-Term Benefits of Healthy Routines

When you stick to a routine, the benefits often exceed what you initially expected. Let’s say you start having dinner with your family instead of going to the bar. At first, it may feel awkward or even frustrating. But one day, your child might say, “I love having you home every night. I’m so proud of you.” That moment of connection makes the new routine worth it.

Routines don’t just keep us sober—they help us build a life we’re proud of.

Small Changes, Big Impact

Recovery is a journey, and routines are the roadmaps that guide us. By identifying bad habits, starting small, and replacing harmful routines with joyful ones, we can build a life that supports lasting sobriety.

The process isn’t always easy. There will be challenges and setbacks. But with commitment and consistency, small changes can transform your life in ways you never imagined.

Start Building Your Routine Today

What’s one habit holding you back in your recovery? Take a moment this week to identify it, replace it with a healthier alternative, and commit to the change.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into creating healthy routines, listen to the full episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast. Together, we’ll explore practical strategies for building habits that support your sobriety and bring fulfillment to your life.

The Importance Of Having A Sober Mindset

Tim Phillips November 10, 2023

The Myth of “Trying” to Get Sober

How many times have you told yourself, “I’ll try to get sober”? Maybe you approached it like trying out a new hobby, dabbling in the idea but retreating as soon as it got uncomfortable. That was my mindset during countless failed attempts at sobriety. I was “trying” to get sober, but as soon as the discomfort kicked in, I let go of the reins. It wasn’t until I shifted my approach—from trying to committing—that everything changed.

This shift in mindset, from passivity to action, is the foundation of what I call the sober mindset. It’s not just about putting down the drink; it’s about changing how we think, act, and build a life that no longer needs the crutch of addiction.

Introduction: What Is a Sober Mindset?

A sober mindset is more than abstinence; it’s a fundamental shift in how we approach life. It’s about choosing actions, thoughts, and priorities that align with recovery and lead to long-term happiness and fulfillment. This mindset requires commitment, a willingness to leave behind the parts of our old lives that don’t serve us, and a clear focus on building a better future.

In this article, we’ll explore the principles of developing a sober mindset:

Commitment over “trying.”
Leaving behind what doesn’t serve you.
Focusing on the future rather than the past.
Taking action to build the life you deserve.

If you’re ready to move beyond just staying sober to truly thriving in recovery, keep reading!

Committing Vs. “Trying”

One of the most common pitfalls in recovery is the mindset of “trying” rather than committing. When I told myself I was “trying” to get sober, it left me with an escape hatch. It allowed me to give up as soon as things got hard because I hadn’t fully committed to the journey.

True commitment is different. When I finally got sober, I didn’t know if I would succeed, but I committed to trying everything possible before giving up. This mindset didn’t make the journey easier, but it gave me the strength to face the discomfort, push through fear, and confront the insecurities I had been numbing for years.

Commitment means acknowledging that sobriety isn’t always comfortable or easy, but it’s always worth it. It’s about deciding, “No matter how hard this gets, I won’t give up.”

Leaving Behind What Doesn’t Serve You

A sober mindset requires an honest assessment of your life and a willingness to let go of what doesn’t support your recovery. For me, this meant stepping out of my old life. In past attempts, I tried to keep one foot in my drinking life while saying I wanted to be sober. Unsurprisingly, that approach never worked.

When I got serious about recovery, I had to ask myself hard questions:

Do these people support my sobriety?
Does this activity put me at risk of drinking?
Am I prioritizing my old habits over my new life?

This doesn’t mean giving up everything from your past. It means being intentional about what—and who—you allow into your life. In my case, I had to leave behind the bars and drinking buddies. But I also found friends who supported my sobriety and encouraged my growth.

Letting go of the familiar is hard, but it creates space for something better.

Focusing on the Future, Not the Past

One of the biggest traps in recovery is focusing too much on what you’re losing instead of what you’re gaining. In my early attempts at sobriety, I fixated on what I thought I couldn’t do anymore. I’d complain, “I can’t go to the bar,” or, “I’ll never be able to have fun again.”

This mindset kept me stuck. When all you see are losses, it’s easy to justify giving up.

The key to a sober mindset is shifting your focus to the future. Imagine the life you want to build. What excites you about that vision? Who do you want to become?

It’s like driving a car: if you only look in the rearview mirror, you’re going to crash. But when you focus on the road ahead, you can move forward and reach your destination.

Taking Action to Build the Life You Deserve

Sobriety isn’t just about putting down the drink; it’s about picking up the life you’ve always wanted. This requires action.

In the beginning, this might feel unnatural. You’ll face urges to return to the comfort of your old habits simply because they’re familiar. But lasting change happens through consistent action, even when it’s hard.

I use the principle of “acting as if.” Imagine the person you want to become. How would they act, speak, and make decisions? Then, start acting as if you are already that person. Over time, these actions will feel less forced and more natural.

The key is to take small, consistent steps. With each step, you’ll see positive results, which will build momentum and strengthen your commitment to sobriety.

The Power of a Sober Mindset

Developing a sober mindset is the key to not just surviving sobriety but thriving in it. By committing fully, leaving behind what doesn’t serve you, focusing on the future, and taking intentional action, you can build a life that makes the idea of drinking unthinkable.

This process isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. As you grow, heal, and become the person you’ve always wanted to be, you’ll find that the shame and regret of the past lose their power. You’ll be proud of the life you’re creating and the person you’re becoming.

Start Building Your Sober Mindset Today

If you’re ready to shift from simply being sober to living a life you love, start by committing to a sober mindset. Take time this week to reflect on your priorities, let go of what doesn’t serve you, and take one small step toward the future you want.

For a deeper dive into this topic, listen to the full episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast. Together, we’ll explore how to build a mindset that supports lasting recovery and a fulfilling life.

How To Focus On What Matters In Your Recovery Journey

Tim Phillips November 3, 2023

Imagine a young boy playing catch in his backyard. His mom, doing her best to fill both parental roles, throws pitch after pitch, her enthusiasm as boundless as her love. Surrounding him are neighbors and family members offering support and care, yet his heart remains locked on one thing: his absent father.

Despite the love showered upon him, his focus is elsewhere, and he misses the blessings right in front of him. For many of us, that little boy’s story feels familiar. It is definitely familiar to me because I was that young boy.

In our own lives and recovery, we often fixate on what’s missing or wrong, allowing our focus to drain our energy. Instead of seeing what we have or could build, we stay stuck.

Reclaiming Energy by Shifting Your Focus

Tony Robbins famously said, “Where your focus goes, your energy flows.” This concept plays out in countless ways in our daily lives. When we’re angry, for example, we tend to replay the source of that anger over and over, fueling the emotion. Similarly, if we’re dwelling on resentments, the bitterness seeps into every part of our lives, leaving little energy for joy, love, or growth.

This realization came painfully to me in my own life. For years, I resented my father for being absent. As a child, I couldn’t see my mother’s incredible efforts to fill his role. I couldn’t appreciate the male mentors who stepped in to guide me. My focus was on the void, not the love surrounding me.

This pattern didn’t end in childhood. In adulthood, I delayed quitting drinking because I couldn’t bear the thought of losing my drinking buddies, ignoring the anguish my addiction was causing loved ones who truly mattered. Similarly, I once clung to resentment over an ex who left me, pouring energy into anger and imagining revenge rather than using it to heal and move on.

In all these scenarios, my focus kept me stuck. It wasn’t until I began redirecting that energy that I grew and found fulfillment.

Letting Go of Resentments That Drain Energy

Resentments are perhaps the biggest thieves of our focus and energy. They’re also incredibly seductive, often disguised as righteous indignation or unresolved “justice.” But the truth is, resentment rarely harms the person we’re angry with—it only hurts us.

Take a moment to think about a resentment you’ve carried. How much energy has it consumed? Has it brought you closer to your goals or kept you anchored to the past?

Letting go of resentments required a hard look at my beliefs about fairness and control. I had to ask myself: Am I clinging to this because it serves me or because I’m afraid of what life looks like without it? Once I realized how much energy those resentments were stealing, I began releasing them, freeing myself to focus on the things that mattered.

Focusing on What Truly Matters

When you remove the weight of resentments, it’s easier to direct your energy toward what’s most important. This meant shifting my attention to relationships, personal growth, and long-held dreams I had neglected.

I started asking questions like:

What do I want my life to stand for?
Who and what truly deserves my energy?
What can I build today that will matter tomorrow?

The answers weren’t always obvious, and sometimes they changed as I grew. But each time I redirected my focus to something meaningful, I felt lighter and more fulfilled.

For instance, instead of fixating on what my absent father didn’t do, I began appreciating the love my mom and others had shown me. I worked to strengthen those relationships instead of mourning the one I didn’t have. In sobriety, I replaced my drinking circles with friendships built on shared values, investing my energy in people who lifted me up.

Overcoming Energy Thieves

It’s not just resentments that rob us of focus. Toxic jobs, unbalanced relationships, and negative self-beliefs can also drain us. These energy thieves keep us from being present with the things and people that truly matter.

When I found myself stuck in a toxic job, for example, I realized it wasn’t just draining my energy during work hours—it was following me home. My evenings and weekends were spent stewing about work instead of enjoying time with loved ones or pursuing passions. Recognizing this helped me shift my focus to finding a better fit that aligned with my values and goals.

In other cases, it’s been toxic beliefs about myself that needed challenging. For years, I carried the idea that I wasn’t worthy of happiness or success. That belief drained my energy before I even started anything new. By challenging those thoughts and replacing them with affirmations of my worth, I created space to thrive.

Choosing to Live a Life That Matters

It’s not enough to remove the things that drain us; we must actively choose where to focus our energy. This requires mindfulness and intention.

Each day, I ask myself:

What deserves my focus today?
How can I move closer to my goals?
Who in my life needs my attention and love?

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident. It’s a choice we make moment by moment, day by day.

Imagine a Life Full of Purpose

What if you redirected all the energy spent on resentments, toxic environments, or self-doubt into the people and dreams that light you up? Imagine the relationships you’d strengthen, the goals you’d achieve, and the joy you’d feel.

That life is within reach. It starts with shifting your focus to what truly matters and allowing your energy to flow toward building a life of meaning and fulfillment.

Call to Action: Take the First Step Toward a Better Focus

This week, take stock of your energy. Notice when it’s being drained by anger, stress, or distractions, and ask yourself if those things truly matter. Then, imagine how your life would look if that energy went toward the people, passions, and dreams that mean the most to you.

For a deeper dive into this topic, listen to the full episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast. Together, we’ll explore how to focus your energy on what truly matters and leave behind what doesn’t.

How To Avoid The Pitfalls In Your Sober Journey

Tim Phillips October 27, 2023

A Tale of Relapse That Wasn’t So Sudden

We’ve all seen it. Someone gets sober, and everything seems to be going perfectly. Relationships are mending, they’re full of optimism, and it looks like they’ve finally found their footing. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, they relapse.

But was it really out of nowhere? As in many aspects of life, the warning signs were likely there—unnoticed, unaddressed, and ultimately, devastating. Ignoring the warning signs is like driving without a spare tire and hoping for the best, often leading to being stranded when things inevitably go wrong.

The Hidden Hazards of Recovery

Relapse isn’t a sudden event; it’s a process. The seeds are sown long before the first drink is poured. In this article, we’ll explore how to anticipate and prepare for the inevitable challenges of recovery. Whether it’s unresolved core issues, loss of motivation, or unrealistic expectations, the key is to build resilience and a proactive plan to safeguard your sobriety.

Here’s what we’ll cover:

Why avoiding the root causes of addiction can set you up for failure.
The role of motivation and how to keep the “pink cloud” alive.
How embracing life’s challenges strengthens your recovery.

Addressing the Root Causes of Addiction

Avoidance might feel like the easier option, but unresolved issues are often the silent drivers of addiction.

Core Issues Matter: For many, addiction is more than just a bad habit—it’s a way to cope with pain, trauma, or insecurity. Whether it’s childhood trauma, social anxiety, or a fear of rejection, these underlying issues don’t vanish with sobriety.
Cross-Addiction and Coping Mechanisms: When we don’t address these issues, we often replace one addiction with another—whether it’s food, relationships, or control. The key is to heal the underlying wounds, not just switch vices.
Facing Fears Head-On: Avoidance only reinforces fear. Therapy, support groups, or even trusted friends can provide the safe space needed to confront what’s holding you back.

Keeping the “Pink Cloud” Alive

The “pink cloud” often describes the initial euphoria of sobriety. But when the novelty wears off, it can feel like the joy of recovery is gone forever.

Why the Pink Cloud Fades: The excitement of leaving a toxic lifestyle can fade if it’s not replaced with new sources of fulfillment. Pain is a great motivator to quit, but it’s not sustainable for staying sober.
Building Lasting Motivation: Shift from avoiding pain to pursuing joy. Focus on repairing relationships, chasing long-lost dreams, and creating a life that excites you.
Find Your Island Resort: Recovery is like landing on a tropical island after a storm. If you decide to only sit on the beach feeling stuck, the island will eventually feel like a prison. But if you explore, you might discover the hidden resort waiting for you.

Embracing Life’s Challenges as Opportunities

Life doesn’t stop throwing curveballs just because you’re sober. The difference is how you respond to those challenges.

Unrealistic Expectations: Sobriety doesn’t guarantee a problem-free life. Relationships will falter, loved ones may pass away, and jobs might be lost. Accepting this reality is critical to long-term recovery.
The Power of Perspective: Challenges are opportunities to grow. Like leveling up in a video game, each obstacle overcome makes you stronger.
Reframe the Narrative: When life gets hard, instead of asking, “Why me?” embrace the mindset of “Ah, a worthy adversary.” Every challenge is a chance to build resilience and uncover new strengths.

Building a Resilient Recovery

Recovery isn’t just about staying sober; it’s about building a life so fulfilling that relapse feels unthinkable. You create a foundation that can withstand the inevitable storms by addressing core issues, keeping your motivation alive, and embracing life’s challenges.

Sobriety is an adventure—not a punishment. It’s a journey of self-discovery, growth, and joy. The pink cloud isn’t a fleeting phase; it’s always within reach when you build a life you love.

Take Control of Your Recovery Journey

If you’re ready to stop waiting for someone else to rescue you and start building the life you deserve, begin today. Reflect on the areas where you’re stuck, address the root causes of your addiction, and chase the goals you’ve been putting off.

For more insights and actionable advice, listen to the full episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast. Together, we’ll navigate the challenges of recovery and uncover the joy that awaits on the other side.

Can You Be A Functional Alcoholic?

Tim Phillips October 20, 2023

It’s a term you’ve likely heard before: functional alcoholic. It conjures an image of someone who drinks excessively but manages to hold a job, pay bills, and even attend social events. But is this state sustainable, or is it just a stop on the road to full-blown alcoholism?

Is Functional Alcoholism Real?

The idea of a functional alcoholic is alluring for many who aren’t ready to quit drinking. It allows us to justify our behavior while avoiding the stigma of the term alcoholic. But the truth is that functionality is subjective and fleeting. Even if you meet the basic definition—holding down a job and paying your bills—alcohol’s effects on your relationships, ambitions, and emotional well-being tell a different story.

In this article, we’ll explore:

Why functional alcoholism is often just denial in disguise.
The emotional and relational costs of maintaining “functionality.”
How settling for functional prevents us from living a fulfilled, happy life.

Functional Alcoholism: A Convenient Excuse

The term functional alcoholic can be comforting. It helps us rationalize our drinking while convincing ourselves and others that we don’t have a problem. But what does functional really mean?

A Shifting Definition: When I first heard the term, I latched onto it. I could claim functionality as long as I went to work and paid most of my bills. But as my drinking progressed, my definition of functional kept changing. I began excusing missed payments, skipping social events, and poor job performance. By the time I realized I was far from functional, the damage was already done.
The Reality Behind the Term: Functional alcoholism often masks deeper struggles. Even if life looks stable on the outside, relationships, dreams, and mental health often deteriorate behind the scenes.

The Emotional and Relational Costs

Even for those who appear to maintain functionality, alcohol often leaves an undeniable mark on their emotional well-being and relationships.

The Strain on Relationships: Alcoholism—functional or not—makes it impossible to show up fully in relationships. Loved ones feel the disconnect, even if they can’t always pinpoint its cause.
Emotional Turmoil: Functional alcoholics often experience heightened anxiety, depression, and self-doubt. No matter how much we justify or rationalize, a part of us knows we’re not living authentically.

Maintaining functionality is like driving a beater car that leaks fluids, has smoke blowing out of the tailpipe, and maxes out at 60 mph. It may get you from point A to point B, but the ride is uncomfortable, unreliable, and ultimately will break down.

Settling for Functional Prevents Fulfillment

One of the biggest dangers of functional alcoholism is the way it limits your potential. By clinging to the idea of being functional, you risk settling for a far less fulfilling life than it could be.

Dreams Put on Hold: Alcohol numbs not just pain but also ambition. It becomes easy to accept mediocrity and abandon the goals that once excited us.
The Hard Question: Are you happy? Many functional alcoholics struggle to answer this honestly. Deep down, we know functionality is far from true joy, purpose, and connection.

Moving Beyond Functional to Fulfilled

Breaking free from the cycle of functional alcoholism means asking tough questions and embracing the possibility of a better life.

Questions to Reflect On:
- Are you happy with your life as it is?
- Are your relationships thriving, or are they strained?
- Are you proud of the way you’re showing up in the world?
The Path Forward: Recovery isn’t about becoming functional—it’s about becoming fulfilled. It’s about building a life that excites you, where you’re present for your loved ones and pursuing your passions wholeheartedly.

Don’t Settle for Functional

Functional alcoholism is often just denial wrapped in a nicer package. While it may help you avoid the full consequences of drinking for a time, it’s not sustainable—and it’s certainly not fulfilling. If you’re questioning whether you’re happy with your life as it is, the answer might already be clear.

You deserve more than just functionality. You deserve a life of joy, purpose, and connection.

Build a Life That Excites You

If you’re ready to move beyond the myth of functional alcoholism, it starts with asking yourself the hard questions. Are you living the life you truly want, or are you just getting by?

To explore more about overcoming alcohol’s grip and creating a life worth living, listen to the full episode of the Sober and Happy podcast. Together, let’s build a life so amazing that “functional” becomes a distant memory.

Will Your Rock Bottom Keep You Sober?

Tim Phillips October 13, 2023

The Misconception of Rock Bottom

We’ve all heard it: “You must hit rock bottom to get sober.” For many, it’s a pivotal moment—the arrest, the breakup, the health scare—that sparks the decision to quit drinking. But here’s the hard truth: if rock bottom were enough, relapse wouldn’t exist. Why do people who hit their lowest point often return to drinking, even after swearing it off?

Let’s uncover the reasons why rock bottom alone isn’t enough and what truly sustains long-term sobriety.

Why the Wake-Up Call Isn’t the Solution

Rock bottom is often the catalyst for change but rarely the solution. Pain is a powerful motivator—at first. Over time, however, its intensity fades, leaving a void that can easily be filled with old habits. For sobriety to last, it requires more than just a desire to avoid pain; it demands the creation of a meaningful and joyful life worth staying sober for.

In this article, we’ll explore:

Why pain alone can’t sustain recovery.
The dangers of rationalization and justification in relapse.
How building a life of purpose and self-love creates lasting motivation.

Pain Wears Off Over Time

Pain is often the spark that gets us to quit drinking. It’s immediate, sharp, and unavoidable. But like any wound, emotional pain fades. Imagine two lines on a graph. The pain from drinking starts high and gradually decreases as time passes. The pain from not drinking (cravings, loneliness, boredom) starts low but increases over time. Eventually, these two lines intersect. For many, this is the danger zone—when the immediate pain of drinking fades, and the discomfort of sobriety grows.

The Role of Rationalization and Justification

Alcoholics and addicts are master storytellers—especially when it comes to convincing ourselves to drink.

Common Justifications For Relapse:
- “I’ll just be more careful this time.”
- “It wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be.”
- “I can control it now.”
The Danger of Selective Memory: In the moment, we downplay the pain of past consequences while exaggerating the discomfort of sobriety. This mindset creates a slippery slope back to relapse.

Why Pain Alone Isn’t Enough

Pain may get you sober, but it won’t keep you sober. Long-term recovery requires shifting from pain avoidance to building a life filled with purpose and joy.

The Joy of Recovery: Sobriety isn’t just about avoiding alcohol—it’s about creating a life that makes drinking unappealing.
Key Areas to Focus On:
- Repairing damaged relationships.
- Building meaningful friendships.
- Pursuing passions and dreams that were stifled by addiction.
- Developing self-worth and self-love.

The Magic of Self-Love and Purpose

Recovery isn’t about getting sober. It’s learning to love yourself so much that you no longer need to drink. For many in early recovery, the idea of self-love feels impossible. Years of addiction damage our self-worth, making it hard to believe we deserve happiness.

A Shift in Perspective: In the early days, the author stayed sober to avoid causing pain to loved ones. But as time went on, the motivation shifted to staying sober out of love and respect for himself.
The Journey of Transformation: Self-love doesn’t happen overnight, but with consistent effort—repairing relationships, achieving goals, and embracing personal growth—it becomes the foundation of lasting sobriety.

Building a Life Worth Staying Sober For

Rock bottom is often the wake-up call, but it’s not the solution. Pain fades, and justifications creep in. The key to lasting sobriety is creating a life so full of joy, purpose, and self-love that the idea of drinking becomes unthinkable.

Sobriety isn’t just about what you’re leaving behind—it’s about the amazing life you’re building ahead. Imagine loving yourself so deeply that relapse isn’t an option. It’s possible, and it starts with one step.

If you are struggling with building a joyful, fulfilling recovery, I have some homework for you. Listen to episodes 17, 32, 33, and 34 of The Sober and Happy Podcast.

But don’t forget to listen to today’s episode also:

How To Deal With Triggers After You Get Sober

Tim Phillips October 6, 2023

Imagine this: you’ve strung together a solid few weeks of sobriety. You’re feeling optimistic, maybe even confident, that this time, it will stick.

Then, out of nowhere, a series of small annoyances—an argument on social media, a bad day at work, and a stressful commute—pile up. By the time you pass your usual liquor store on the way home, the pull toward a drink feels almost unbearable. Sound familiar?

If you’ve been there, you’re not alone. In this blog, we’ll explore how to recognize and manage triggers so you can move through these moments without turning back to old habits.

Triggers Are Inevitable

Triggers are an inevitable part of the recovery journey, especially in early sobriety. They can appear as small annoyances, unresolved emotions, or situations we didn’t expect. Left unchecked, they often lead to relapse. But here’s the good news: By understanding what triggers us and building coping strategies, we can navigate these challenges and strengthen our recovery.

How To Deal With Triggers In Sobriety

Understand Your Why. At the core of every relapse is a tipping point: when the reasons to drink outweigh the reasons not to. Having a clear, deeply personal “why” for sobriety is your strongest defense against triggers.
- Pro Tip: If your “why” doesn’t resonate, revisit it. For many of us, doing it “for ourselves” may not feel compelling enough early on. Instead, think about what (or who) motivates you most to stay sober, whether it’s family, health, or a long-term dream. If you’re struggling to define your why, listen to Episode #2 of the podcast for guidance on creating a solid foundation for your recovery.
Identify and Categorize Triggers. Not all triggers are created equal. By recognizing patterns, you can create a proactive plan to address them.
- Common Trigger Categories:
  - Stress: Work, finances, or unexpected events.
  - Loneliness: Isolation or feeling disconnected.
  - Boredom: Downtime or lack of fulfilling activities.
  - Environment: Places or people associated with drinking.
  - Cravings: Physical or emotional reminders of alcohol.
- Example Exercise: Think back to your last relapse or near-relapse. What was the root cause? Was it really the argument, or was it underlying stress or loneliness? Identifying the true source helps you break the cycle before it starts.
Develop Coping Strategies. Once you know your triggers, experiment with healthy alternatives to manage them.
- Stress: Practice mindfulness, exercise, or take quick breaks to reset your mindset.
- Loneliness: To avoid feeling isolated, call a friend, attend a recovery group, or plan activities in advance.
- Boredom: Start a new hobby, explore nature, or try something creative like painting or writing.
- Environment: Temporarily avoid bars or parties and create a safe space at home where alcohol is out of sight and mind.
Embrace The Power of Acceptance. Early in sobriety, it’s easy to feel like the world is against you. Whether it’s a beer commercial during your favorite show or a rude coworker, triggers can seem personal. But most of the time, they’re not. When you stop taking triggers personally, you take away their power.
Set Boundaries and Take Action. Some triggers, like toxic relationships or disrespectful behavior, require more than acceptance—they demand action.
- Steps to Set Boundaries:
  - Speak Out: Address the issue calmly and clearly when emotions aren’t high.
  - Communicate Needs: Let others know what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate.
  - Enforce Consequences: If someone refuses to respect your boundaries, be prepared to step back from the relationship if necessary.
- Why It Matters: Respecting your boundaries protects your sobriety and reinforces self-worth. If you want to learn more about setting boundaries, we cover that in detail in episode 19 of The Sober and Happy Podcast.

You Can Navigate Triggers

Navigating triggers is one of the most challenging aspects of recovery but also one of the most rewarding. By understanding your why, identifying triggers, experimenting with coping strategies, and setting boundaries, you can reduce their power over time. Recovery isn’t about avoiding every possible trigger—it’s about building resilience so they no longer dictate your choices.

Triggers may feel overwhelming now, but with the right tools and mindset, you can move through them and become stronger. Listen to the full episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast for a deeper dive into managing triggers and building a resilient recovery.

Sober October: How To Get The Best Out Of The Challenge

Tim Phillips September 29, 2023

Sober October is a popular annual challenge where participants commit to a month of sobriety. But most of the people I would see participate in it would take a month off drinking and be back to their old ways come November 1^st.

But what if we made it more than just a break from alcohol? What if we approached it as a chance for self-reflection, personal growth, and resetting priorities?

Whether you’re new to sobriety or have been sober for years, this article will help you make the most of Sober October by setting meaningful goals and building a solid foundation for change.

What is Sober October?

Sober October is a month-long challenge to abstain from alcohol. While many take it as a standalone challenge, it’s also an opportunity to reflect on your relationship with alcohol and identify areas of life where it may be holding you back.

Tip for Success: Don’t just focus on quitting alcohol—set goals to make the month meaningful. Use this to explore new habits, rediscover old passions, or chase long-neglected dreams.

Preparation: The Key to Success

Preparation is crucial to maximizing the benefits of Sober October. Start by setting clear goals for the month using the SMART method: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

Example Goal Using SMART: Instead of saying, “I want to feel better,” say, “I will exercise for 30 minutes five days a week and journal my progress daily.”
Why It Works: SMART goals turn vague intentions into actionable plans with clear steps, helping you build momentum and stay on track.

Accountability and Support

Accountability is a powerful motivator. Share your Sober October commitment with friends, family, or a support group.

Tip for Success: Join a recovery group, such as the Sober and Happy Community, on Facebook, or find an accountability partner.
Real-Life Impact: Announcing your goal publicly can help you stick to it. A simple text from a friend asking, “How’s Sober October going?” can be the nudge you need to keep going when the couch and ice cream are calling.

Overcoming Challenges

Challenges are inevitable, but how you respond to them matters most. Recognize that cravings, FOMO (fear of missing out), or stress might arise, and plan ahead to manage these hurdles.

Proactive Strategies:
- Replace drinking with healthier habits like exercise, creative hobbies, or cooking new recipes.
- Avoid triggering situations if necessary, especially in the early days.
- Practice self-care and mindfulness to process emotions without numbing them.
Self-Care Reminder: Be mindful of substituting alcohol with other unhealthy habits, such as overeating or excessive screen time. Prioritize activities that align with your goals.

Building Momentum Beyond October

Sober October doesn’t have to just be about one month; it is an opportunity to create lasting change by using the progress and insights gained during the challenge to set yourself up for long-term success.

Reflection Questions Post-Sober-October:
- What habits or behaviors did you enjoy the most during the month?
- How did sobriety impact your mood, relationships, or productivity?
- What changes do you want to maintain moving forward?

By reflecting on your experience, you can identify what’s working and carry those habits into the future.

Sober (Beyond) October

Sober October is more than a temporary challenge—it’s an opportunity to redefine your relationship with alcohol and set yourself on a path of personal growth. Setting clear goals, seeking support, and building momentum can turn a month of sobriety into a foundation for a healthier, happier life. Whether you aim to reassess your habits or test the waters of sobriety, this challenge can be a game-changer.

Ready to make Sober October count? Dive deeper into the strategies and tips shared in this episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast. From setting SMART goals to overcoming challenges, this episode is packed with actionable advice to help you succeed.

How To Achieve Emotional Sobriety

Tim Phillips September 22, 2023

Mastering Emotional Sobriety: Moving Beyond Physical Sobriety to a Life of Fulfillment

Early in my recovery journey, I kept hearing about “emotional sobriety.” Intrigued, I started asking people what it meant, but the answers were vague at best—something about being “happy, joyous, and free.” I thought, “Great, but what does that mean when I have a bad day? Does that mean I’ve lost my emotional sobriety?” This question led me down a path of discovery, uncovering what emotional sobriety truly is and why it’s essential for long-term recovery.

Emotional Sobriety Is Essential for Lasting Recovery

Emotional sobriety is a cornerstone of lasting recovery, yet it’s often misunderstood. Beyond simply abstaining from substances, emotional sobriety is about learning to live a life where we can manage our emotions in a healthy way without relying on substances to cope. In this blog post, we’ll define emotional sobriety, explore why it’s vital for recovery, and provide actionable steps to start achieving it.

What is Emotional Sobriety?

Emotional sobriety is the evolution that follows physical sobriety. It’s not about always being happy but about learning how to process and manage emotions constructively. Instead of relying on substances to numb feelings, emotional sobriety encourages us to face emotions head-on.

Emotional sobriety is about moving beyond the daily struggle of staying sober and learning to live a fulfilling, balanced life.

Being emotionally sober doesn’t mean life will always be perfect. Struggles will happen, but emotional sobriety equips us to deal with them effectively.

Accepting Life’s Uncertainties

One of the first steps toward emotional sobriety is accepting that life is unpredictable. No matter how good a person you are or how hard you try, there will be challenges.

After nearly a year of good fortune in early sobriety, I hit a streak of hardships—my father’s terminal illness, failed relationships, and losing my dog. I spiraled into a dangerous mindset, wondering if sobriety was even worth it.

We must accept that life includes ups and downs and stop personalizing bad circumstances as punishments or failures.

The Importance of Self-Awareness

To achieve emotional sobriety, you must develop self-awareness. This means acknowledging your emotions without judgment and understanding what’s really triggering you.

Early in sobriety, alcohol ads and social events would trigger me. I thought I was angry at society’s normalization of drinking, but I realized the real issue was my belief that I couldn’t have fun without alcohol.

Identify the root emotions behind your triggers. Are you feeling lonely, jealous, or sad? These emotions are normal and must be processed rather than avoided.

Processing Emotions Constructively

For many in recovery, learning to process emotions is brand new. Emotional sobriety requires replacing old coping mechanisms with healthy ways to deal with feelings. The following can be incredibly helpful in learning new coping mechanisms:

Therapy: A professional can guide you through understanding and processing emotions.
Self-Care Practices: Journaling, mindfulness, exercise, and creative outlets can help process feelings.
Books and Resources: Explore titles like The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and Rising Strong by Brené Brown for further guidance.

Avoiding the Trap of Avoidance

While it’s common to focus on avoiding external triggers, true emotional sobriety comes from addressing the internal emotions behind those triggers. Avoidance only works temporarily. Focus on healing the emotions that fuel your triggers rather than spending all your energy on avoidance.

Ready To Achieve Emotional Sobriety?

Emotional sobriety is the key to transforming recovery from a daily struggle into a fulfilling life. By accepting life’s uncertainties, developing self-awareness, and learning to process emotions constructively, you can move beyond merely staying sober to fully embracing your new life. It’s a journey that requires time, patience, and self-compassion, but the rewards are immeasurable.

If you’re ready to take your recovery to the next level, dive deeper into emotional sobriety by listening to the full episode of the Sober and Happy podcast. I share personal stories, insights, and actionable strategies to help you embrace this transformative stage of recovery.

What Are You Willing To Sacrifice For Your Sobriety?

Tim Phillips September 15, 2023

The Power of Sacrifice in Recovery: Building a Life Free from Addiction

Imagine trying to build a new life while clinging desperately to pieces of your old one. For many in recovery, this is a familiar struggle. I learned this the hard way during my first attempts to quit drinking. I held onto the same friends, the same habits, and the same environments, convincing myself that I could change everything except the life I had built around alcohol. Each attempt ended in relapse. It wasn’t until I embraced the power of sacrifice that my recovery truly began.

Sobriety Requires Transformation

Recovery requires more than simply putting down the drink or substance—it demands a complete transformation. Sacrifice becomes a cornerstone of this transformation, as we must give up the habits, environments, and beliefs that tether us to addiction. In this article, we’ll explore how to identify necessary changes, the emotional barriers that hold us back, and how embracing sacrifice can pave the way for a life free from addiction. You’ll learn practical strategies to let go of the past, redefine your identity, and discover new sources of joy and fulfillment.

Understanding the Tradeoffs in Recovery

Every decision we make involves tradeoffs, and recovery is no exception. We can’t hold onto old habits and environments and expect to thrive in sobriety.

When I first got sober, I clung to my drinking buddies and continued visiting the same bar, convincing myself I could just drink soda. While I managed to avoid alcohol for a while, my cravings intensified, and I eventually realized that these choices were keeping me tethered to my addiction.

It can be hard to know if we are making the right decisions, so evaluate each decision by asking:

What are the potential positive and negative outcomes of this choice?
What might happen if I choose the opposite?

This reflection can clarify whether a decision aligns with your recovery goals.

Identifying and Confronting Emotional Barriers

Knowing the right choice is often not enough. Emotional fears, such as disappointing others or losing familiar comforts, can prevent us from making necessary sacrifices.

I feared that cutting ties with my drinking buddies would make them think I believed I was “too good” for them. But I had to ask myself: Was I willing to prioritize their approval over my recovery?

The Role of Identity in Recovery

Recovery requires an identity shift. To create a new life, you must let go of the old version of yourself. This can feel uncomfortable but is essential for growth.

Early in my recovery, I struggled to redefine fun without alcohol. Over time, I discovered new activities like concerts, bowling, and sports events that brought joy without the need for a drink.

Reflect on the stories you tell yourself about who you are. Are they aligned with the person you want to become? Rewrite these stories to support your new identity as someone committed to sobriety.

Sacrifices Are Not Permanent

In recovery, some sacrifices are temporary. Over time, as you build a solid foundation, you can reintroduce certain activities or environments in ways that support your sobriety.

Early on, I avoided bars entirely. Years later, I can attend concerts or sporting events where alcohol is present because my identity as a non-drinker is firmly established.

Recognize that sacrifices made in the early stages of recovery are investments in long-term freedom and fulfillment.

Redefining Fun and Fulfillment

One of the biggest fears in recovery is that life will be boring without substances. The truth is, sober fun is richer and more meaningful than the fleeting highs of addiction.

Initially, I found some new activities dull, but I kept trying. Over time, I discovered passions that brought genuine joy and helped me thrive in sobriety.

Experiment with new hobbies, revisit old interests and keep an open mind. Remember, the joy of discovery is part of the recovery journey.

Embrace Your Transformational Journey

Recovery is a journey of transformation, and sacrifice is a necessary part of the process. By evaluating your decisions, confronting fears, embracing a new identity, and redefining fun, you can build a life that makes your old one pale in comparison. Sacrifices in recovery are not losses—they are investments in your future self. The story of your recovery is shaped by the choices you make today. Choose wisely.

If you’re ready to embrace the sacrifices leading to a life of freedom and fulfillment, listen to the full Sober and Happy podcast episode. In it, I explore these strategies and share personal stories to inspire your recovery journey.

How To Handle Feeling Unsupported In Your Sobriety

Tim Phillips September 8, 2023

Navigating Unsupportive Relationships in Recovery: A Guide to Building the Support You Deserve

Picture this: you’ve just left rehab, 60 days sober, feeling optimistic about your new path. But as your plane lands and you prepare to face your friends and family, a wave of anxiety washes over you. Will they support your sobriety? Will they abandon you? Or worse, will they pressure you to drink again? For many in recovery, this is a common fear—and an obstacle they must learn to navigate.

In a perfect world, everyone would rally around us when we decide to get sober. But the reality is more complicated. Some friends or family members may unintentionally make the journey harder. Whether it’s a friend pressuring you to “just have one” or a family member who constantly brings up your past, navigating unsupportive relationships can be one of the most challenging parts of recovery. This blog explores practical steps you can take to communicate your needs, set boundaries, and build the support system you deserve.

Communicate Your Needs

Many people don’t know how to support someone in recovery. Unless you clearly communicate your needs, there will likely be a gap between their actions and your expectations. Miscommunication often breeds resentment, but a candid conversation can bridge the gap.

Have open, honest conversations with the people closest to you. Let them know how they can support you in ways that feel helpful rather than harmful.

Apologize and Take Accountability

Healing relationships isn’t just about asking for support—it’s also about taking accountability for the harm caused during addiction. A heartfelt apology and consistent actions can go a long way in rebuilding trust.

Approach those you’ve hurt, acknowledge the pain you caused, and ask how you can make things right. Follow through with your promises and allow time for forgiveness to unfold.

Set Boundaries with Compassion

Not everyone will be quick to forgive or willing to support you. Setting boundaries is essential for those who continually bring up your past or try to tear you down. Boundaries protect your progress and mental health without dismissing their pain.

Explain your needs compassionately, emphasizing that moving forward requires letting go of constant reminders of your past. If they refuse to respect your boundaries, you may need to distance yourself from the relationship.

Handle Peer Pressure Effectively

Friends or coworkers may not understand the significance of your sobriety and could inadvertently pressure you. Honest communication often works wonders, as many people don’t realize the impact of their actions.

When coworkers invited me to happy hour, I initially made excuses to avoid attending. Once I explained my sobriety, they not only stopped pressuring me to join events centered around alcohol but also organized alternative activities like escape rooms.

Share your journey and explain why sobriety is important to you. Once they understand its significance, most people will respect your decision.

Let Go of Toxic Relationships

Some people will refuse to respect your boundaries or actively try to drag you back into your old life. While it’s painful, removing toxic relationships from your life is sometimes necessary for long-term recovery and personal growth.

Assess whether a relationship is helping or hindering your recovery. If someone consistently holds you back, consider stepping away to make room for healthier connections.

Build a Supportive Community

When you let go of toxic relationships, you create space for new, supportive ones. Actively seek out people who lift you up and share your values. Online and in-person recovery groups are great places to find these connections.

Connect with sober communities (like ours: Sober and Happy Community), join support groups, or rekindle relationships with positive influences from your past.

Building Healthy Relationships Moving Forward

Navigating unsupportive relationships is one of the most complex parts of recovery but also one of the most rewarding. By communicating your needs, setting boundaries, apologizing when necessary, and seeking healthier connections, you can build a support system that empowers your sobriety. It’s not about changing others—it’s about surrounding yourself with people who respect and uplift you as you evolve.

If this resonates with you, listen to the full Sober and Happy podcast episode, where I discuss these strategies more deeply. Remember, you deserve support, love, and understanding on this journey.

The Top Causes Of Relapse

Tim Phillips September 1, 2023

Breaking the Cycle: Preventing Relapse and Building a Life of Lasting Recovery

It’s a common refrain in recovery circles: “Relapse is part of recovery.” But is it really? While many people struggle with relapses, they don’t have to be a part of your story going forward. I remember my own early attempts to quit drinking—half-hearted tries that led to quick failures. It wasn’t until a deeper mindset shift occurred that I found lasting sobriety. This is a journey not just of quitting but of transforming your life, and today, we’ll explore how to prevent relapses and build a fulfilling, sober life.

Relapse can feel like a frustrating inevitability in recovery, but it doesn’t have to be. By understanding common causes, recognizing warning signs, and making meaningful changes, you can break the cycle.

In this article, we’ll explore the top causes of relapse, strategies to address them, and how to focus on creating a future that inspires you to stay sober.

The Top Causes Of Relapse

A Lack Of Commitment To Sobriety. One of the most common causes of relapse is a lack of full commitment to recovery. When I first attempted to quit drinking, I told myself I was “taking a break” or “trying to stop.” These half-measures left the door open for failure. It wasn’t until I decided to fully commit—no matter what—that I began to see lasting change.
- Action Step: Shift your mindset. Start saying, “I don’t drink,” instead of “I’m trying to quit.” Speak and act as if you are the person you want to become. This small change can have a powerful impact on your commitment to sobriety.
Not Letting Go of the Old Life. Relapse often happens when we try to remove alcohol but keep everything else in our lives the same. Old habits, places, and even people can pull us back into the cycle. Early in recovery, it’s crucial to let go of the things that tied you to your addiction, even if it feels like a loss.
- Action Step: Focus on growth. While it may feel like you’re giving up things you love, those were often tied to the old version of yourself. Embrace the opportunity to discover new hobbies, interests, and relationships that align with your sober life.
Focusing on the Future Instead of the Past. Many of us in recovery get stuck looking in the rearview mirror, focusing on past mistakes and what we’re giving up. But true recovery comes from looking forward to the opportunities and growth ahead.
- Action Step: Start envisioning the person you want to become. What does your ideal life look like? What goals can you set to move toward that vision? By shifting your focus from the past to the future, you’ll find renewed motivation.
Not Addressing Underlying Issues. Addiction is often a symptom of deeper issues like unresolved trauma, guilt, or shame. Simply removing alcohol without addressing these root causes can leave you vulnerable to relapse or substitute addictions.
- Action Step: Seek help through therapy, support groups, or self-development resources. Identifying and working through these underlying issues is a critical step in preventing relapse and building emotional resilience.
Ignoring Lessons from Past Relapses. Relapse can be a powerful teacher if you’re willing to examine it closely. Patterns, triggers, and unaddressed issues often surface when you look at what led to a relapse. This knowledge can help you make necessary changes to avoid repeating the cycle.
- Action Step: Reflect on past relapses. What patterns or warning signs were present? What could you do differently next time? Use these insights to develop a proactive plan for managing similar situations in the future.
Engaging In Destructive Behaviors. When we don’t address the underlying causes of addiction, it’s easy to shift to other destructive behaviors. This can create new problems and even lead back to the original addiction.
- Action Step: Be mindful of how you cope with challenges and emotions. Develop healthy habits like exercise, journaling, or connecting with others in recovery. These practices can help fill the void left by your addiction and prevent substitute behaviors.

Relapse doesn’t have to define your recovery journey. By committing fully to sobriety, letting go of the old life, focusing on your future, addressing root causes, and learning from past mistakes, you can build a life free from relapse. Recovery isn’t just about quitting; it’s about creating a life so fulfilling that you never want to return to the pain of addiction.

If you’re ready to take the next step in your recovery journey, listen to the full episode of the Sober and Happy podcast. In it, we dive deeper into each of these topics and share actionable steps for creating a lasting, fulfilling sober life.

Making A Positive Impact On The People Around Us

Tim Phillips August 25, 2023

Turning the Tide: Creating Positive Ripples in Recovery

At a recent podcast conference, I found myself sharing my story of addiction and recovery with strangers—people I’d just met who felt comfortable enough to share how addiction had affected their own lives. From families torn apart to loved ones lost, everyone had a story.

This experience was a profound reminder that our actions, especially in addiction, create ripples that reach far beyond ourselves. But it also showed me the incredible power we have in recovery to change the direction of those ripples—from negative to positive.

The Ripples We Create

Addiction creates waves of pain and chaos that spread out and touch the lives of family, friends, and even strangers. But recovery offers a unique chance to reverse the course of these ripples.

In this article, we’ll explore how, through sobriety and intentional actions, we can transform the negative impacts of our past into positive forces that bring healing, hope, and inspiration to those around us.

Understanding the Negative Ripples of Addiction

During addiction, it’s easy to convince ourselves that our actions only affect us. But as I learned through countless conversations with people touched by addiction, the ripple effect extends far beyond the immediate circle of family and friends. As I reflected on my own journey, I realized that my actions didn’t just hurt my loved ones; they also affected their friends and extended family members who saw their pain. Addiction creates a wake of destruction that can extend much further than we often realize.

Embracing a Turning Point

Realizing the harm we’ve caused can be a powerful motivator for change. My journey to sobriety began when I finally understood the pain I was causing my mom. But my commitment deepened when I recognized the full reach of my actions. Recovery is not just about abstaining from substances; it’s about using our lives to create a new, positive ripple effect that counteracts the old waves of pain. Recognizing the extent of the harm helped me commit to healing and transforming my relationships.

Practicing Self-Control and Avoiding Negative Ripples

Simply getting sober doesn’t automatically make us more positive people. When I first entered recovery, I was often irritable and quick to argue, unintentionally causing further harm. Learning to pause before reacting helped me reduce those negative impulses. For example, I practiced delaying my response if I was angry about a situation—waiting before sending a heated text or commenting online. While I wasn’t perfect at first, practicing self-control and making amends where I’d failed became a powerful way to start repairing my relationships.

Making Amends to Change the Narrative

One of the most transformative steps in recovery is making amends. This can be challenging, as it requires us to confront our past mistakes. However, delaying amends can leave others trapped in pain and resentment. Reflect on a time when someone hurt you and never apologized. That pain sticks with you, doesn’t it? Offering an apology allows others to release that pain and begin healing. While we may not be able to undo our mistakes completely, a sincere apology can start the process of restoring trust and mending relationships.

Inspiring Positive Ripples through Your Story

One of the greatest gifts we can give in recovery is hope. Our stories hold incredible power to inspire others, not only those struggling with addiction but also their loved ones. I experienced this firsthand at a Tony Robbins event when I met a mother who had nearly lost hope for her son. Sharing my journey with her gave her a renewed sense of hope that her son, too, could find his way to recovery. By “recovering out loud,” we can touch lives in ways we may never fully realize.

Becoming A Force For Good

Addiction may send out waves of pain, but recovery offers us a chance to create ripples of healing and hope. From practicing self-control and making amends to sharing our stories of resilience, each action contributes to a more positive ripple effect. The path to sobriety is about more than abstinence; it’s about becoming a force for good that inspires others and repairs the harm caused by our past actions.

If you’re ready to start creating your own positive ripples, I invite you to listen to the full episode of the Sober and Happy podcast. We delve deeper into practical steps for transforming your life and the lives around you.

Dealing With The Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) In Your Sobriety

Tim Phillips August 18, 2023

Finding Fun in Sobriety: How to Overcome FOMO and Embrace a Sober and Happy Life

When I first got sober, I was haunted by FOMO (fear of missing out). Scrolling through social media, I’d see friends out at bars, laughing, living it up. I’d planned a quiet evening with a favorite meal and Netflix, but the night was ruined by one glance at my phone. Sound familiar? Early recovery can feel like a big invitation to boredom, and we’re often convinced that we’ll never have fun again. But that doesn’t have to be the case.

For many in early recovery, the thought of missing out on parties, drinks, and social events brings a wave of dread and even regret. Social media can fuel that sense of loss, especially when it feels like the world is having a good time while you’re left behind. But a sober life doesn’t have to be boring. You can experience more fun, fulfillment, and connection than ever before.

In this article, I’ll share strategies to shift your mindset and replace FOMO with genuine joy in recovery.

How To Combat FOMO In Recovery

Control Your Social Media Experience. Social media can be one of the biggest FOMO triggers. If seeing photos of parties and bar nights brings up tough emotions, it’s time to take control of your feed. You don’t have to unfollow or “unfriend” anyone, but unfollowing old drinking buddies will keep their posts from popping up. Instead, start adding uplifting content to your feed. Follow sober groups, recovery advocates, and friends who bring positivity. Your online world can be a source of motivation and encouragement rather than temptation.
Connect with Positive People. Sobriety often means leaving old social circles behind, but this can be an opportunity to build a stronger support network. If there are people in your life you drifted from during your addiction—positive influences and sober friends—reach out to them. A quick message reconnecting and sharing that you’re now sober can open doors to new friendships and activities that don’t revolve around drinking.
Explore New Activities for Genuine Fun. For many of us, fun and drinking have been tied together for so long that we’ve forgotten what we enjoy outside of them. Reclaiming your authentic interests is a huge part of sobriety and can be surprisingly exciting. Ask in recovery groups or search online for ideas—sober meetups, hiking groups, art classes, fitness events, and more. Challenge yourself to try something new each week, and don’t be afraid to fail; the key is to rediscover your true passions.
Face Challenges Like Social Anxiety. If social anxiety feels like an obstacle to enjoying sober events, know that you’re not alone. Many people in recovery experience heightened social anxiety, especially without “liquid courage.” If you’re heading to a sober event, contact the organizer beforehand and introduce yourself. Explaining your situation can be helpful—they’ll likely understand and be willing to introduce you to others when you arrive. Volunteering to help set up or arrive early can allow you to ease into the space and meet people gradually.
Find Sober Running Buddies. Having a few sober friends to invite you to events or explore new activities together makes all the difference. To start, exchange numbers with people you meet at sober events and be open about your goal of staying connected with sober friends. Building this network over time will make it easier to enjoy outings without the stress of going it alone. In time, your new friendships will bring a sense of joy and belonging that you likely never experienced in drinking circles.

Creating A Life Better Than Any FOMO

Early recovery may trigger feelings of FOMO and loss, but those emotions don’t last forever. With small adjustments to your social life, mindset, and activities, you can create a life that brings more joy than any night out ever could. By building a positive online space, connecting with supportive people, and exploring your interests, you’ll find that sobriety opens doors to lasting fun and fulfillment.

If you’re ready to discover more strategies to overcome FOMO and create a fulfilling sober life, listen to the full episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast.

Discovering The Authentic Versions Of Ourselves In Sobriety

Tim Phillips August 11, 2023

In recovery, many people worry that sobriety will mean the end of fun, confidence, and ease in their social lives. I remember feeling that same fear. Drinking had given me a temporary boost—it made me feel outgoing and confident, almost like a “power-up” in a video game. But just like in a game, the effect wore off, and I would crash even harder. As I came to understand in recovery, true confidence and joy don’t come from alcohol; they come from within. Realizing this changed everything.

Rediscovering Who We Are Beyond Addiction

Sobriety isn’t just about giving up alcohol or drugs; it’s a journey to rediscover who we are beneath the layers of addiction. This journey can feel overwhelming and sometimes empty in the early stages. Many people, myself included, worry that losing alcohol means losing part of their personality.

In this article, we’ll explore how recovery offers the opportunity to connect with our true selves, shed the false traits addiction created, and discover the authentic person we’ve always been.

How To Discover Your Authentic Self In Recovery

Letting Go of Addiction’s Illusions. In the throes of addiction, many of us felt certain traits were “enhanced” by alcohol—confidence, fun, ease. But these weren’t genuine changes; they were illusions. Alcohol didn’t make me more confident; it just dulled my anxiety temporarily. When we remove substances, we have to face those fears without a crutch. But here’s the good news: sobriety allows us to build those traits for real. When we strip away the substances, we open the door to rediscovering who we are at our core.
Unlearning False Beliefs. Addiction often builds on underlying beliefs about ourselves, our worth, and our capabilities. Many of us believe negative things we’ve picked up from our past. By getting sober, we can question those beliefs and let go of what isn’t true. It’s not just about “learning” new traits but also about discarding the weight of old experiences that held us back.
Developing the Traits You Value. As we work through unlearning old beliefs, we can also start building the traits we truly want. Reflect on the characteristics you admired in others or felt you lost in addiction. What qualities do you genuinely want in yourself? Whether it’s confidence, compassion, or resilience, now is your chance to work on them. Sobriety brings a unique opportunity to consciously cultivate the qualities that addiction may have only pretended to give us.
Rediscovering Joy in New Experiences. Recovery is also about rediscovering what brings you true joy. For many of us, addiction took over all aspects of our lives, leaving little room to explore interests. Now is the time to try new things. Look back at what you loved before addiction took hold, and try out activities you’re curious about, even if you’ve never done them. Each new experience will bring you closer to understanding the authentic version of yourself.

Your Path To Rediscovery

Recovering from addiction offers more than just physical health benefits; it’s a path to rediscovering your authentic self. By facing your true emotions, unlearning false beliefs, cultivating real traits, and finding joy in new experiences, you can build a fulfilling life that has nothing to do with substances. This journey to self-discovery isn’t always easy, but the reward of genuinely knowing and loving who you are is immeasurable.

If you want to learn more about reconnecting with your authentic self, listen to the full podcast episode, where we dive deeper into this topic.

Rebuilding Your Life After Addiction

Tim Phillips August 4, 2023

Getting sober can feel like waking up to the aftermath of a storm. For some of us, the storm has uprooted everything, leaving only rubble and memories of the life we once knew. I remember the day I came home from rehab at 34 years old, jobless, in debt, with no driver’s license, and living on my mom’s couch.

Looking at the mess, I felt paralyzed by the sheer amount of work ahead. But a piece of advice changed everything: “Rebuilding is like constructing a house—one small step at a time.” That mindset helped me find my way to the life I live today, one brick at a time.

Recovery Is About More Than Just Getting Sober

In recovery, one of the biggest challenges isn’t just getting sober—it’s facing the mess that addiction left behind. Many of us are left with broken relationships, financial struggles, damaged careers, and lingering legal issues. These challenges can be overwhelming, but the journey of rebuilding a new life can be one of the most rewarding experiences in recovery.

In this article, we’ll explore how to get started, manage the process without feeling overwhelmed, and push through when setbacks arise.

Steps To Rebuilding Your Life After Getting Sober

1. Starting with a Blueprint: List Your Goals

The first step in rebuilding is understanding what needs to be done. This process might be tough, as it requires facing the damage head-on. The key here is to list everything—no matter how small or daunting each item feels. Creating a detailed list helps transform chaos into a clear plan of action. Remember, facing your past can be painful, but as I found, it’s essential to move forward.

2. Prioritize and Avoid Adding New Problems

With your list in hand, start by identifying what needs immediate attention. Avoid creating new problems—whether by spending money you don’t have, indulging in unhealthy relationships, or engaging in behaviors that echo your past. In the early years of my sobriety, I drove a beat-up car, lived simply, and focused solely on my goals. This discipline didn’t just help me dig myself out of debt; it also taught me how to make choices that support my future self. Rebuilding our lives means prioritizing long-term growth over temporary comforts.

3. Develop a Project Plan and Stay Flexible

Once you’ve organized your list, think of it as your blueprint. Like any construction project, you don’t install cabinets before pouring the foundation. Tackle the most critical tasks first. For me, getting a job was my top priority, but it required several steps—resolving a court issue, obtaining a valid ID, and updating my resume. Accept that not everything will go as planned. A flexible mindset helps you navigate inevitable detours and setbacks without falling back into self-pity or despair.

4. Build Momentum and Focus on Progress

Momentum is one of the most powerful motivators. After landing my first job, I felt encouraged to address the next items on my list. But I didn’t stop when things didn’t move as quickly as I wanted. Instead, I focused on tasks I could handle while waiting for other things to unfold. Every small victory added to my momentum, fueling me to take the next step.

5. Keep Moving Forward, Even in Downtime

Staying busy is excellent advice in recovery, but the kind of busy matters. It’s easy to distract ourselves with TV or social media, but this doesn’t help us move forward. Choose activities that support your goals and emotional well-being. Taking positive steps will help keep your momentum going and help you avoid falling back into old habits.

Embrace Rebuilding After Addiction

Rebuilding after addiction can feel like an uphill battle, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. By breaking down the tasks, creating a project plan, and building momentum with every step, you’ll find that your path forward becomes clearer. This journey requires patience, flexibility, and a commitment to face each step one day at a time. No matter how small, each accomplishment moves you closer to a life built on strength and resilience.

If you’re ready to start rebuilding but need a little encouragement, listen to the full episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast for more in-depth advice and personal stories from my own recovery journey. We dive into practical strategies to help you build momentum and stay motivated, even when the road gets tough.

Navigating The Ups And Downs Of Recovery

Tim Phillips July 28, 2023

When I first got sober, life felt like it had finally “clicked.” Everything was turning around, I was filled with energy, and I felt like I’d tapped into something miraculous. This euphoria—often called the “pink cloud”—is common in early recovery, and I thought I’d feel this way forever.

But, as life would have it, reality soon set in. The old feelings I’d numbed with alcohol—anxiety, loneliness, even depression—started to creep back. I went from floating to crashing in what felt like an instant. It was an eye-opener that recovery, like life itself, has its ups and downs. I didn’t realize then that these cycles could make me stronger.

Recovery isn’t a straight path. It’s a journey filled with highs and lows, successes and setbacks. But just like the changing seasons, each stage in recovery has its purpose. When we see these seasons as opportunities rather than obstacles, we set ourselves up to grow stronger, gain wisdom, and become more resilient.

In this article, we’ll explore how understanding and embracing the “seasons” of recovery can help you navigate challenging times and appreciate the journey, wherever it takes you.

The Seasons Of Recovery

1. Spring: The Euphoria in Early Recovery
In the beginning stages of recovery, it’s common to feel renewed, like you’re waking up to a new life. This is your “spring,” where everything feels possible, and there’s a fresh start on the horizon. This period of optimism and rapid progress can be incredibly motivating. Like a tree sprouting new leaves, we feel alive and invigorated in early recovery.

However, it’s essential to remember that the spring of recovery is only one season. If we rely solely on the initial excitement, we risk becoming disheartened when it fades. Embrace this stage by planting the seeds for long-term goals, but be prepared to nurture them when spring’s energy begins to fade.

2. Summer: Thriving and Seeing the Fruits of Your Efforts
In summer, the rewards of hard work become visible. For many, this is the season when relationships begin to mend, job prospects improve, and life feels more stable. It’s the “pink cloud” phase, where we’re enjoying the achievements from sustained sobriety.

But summer isn’t just for celebration; it’s also a time for consistency and maintenance. Just as a tree needs water and care even when flourishing, we must maintain our recovery habits. Staying humble and sticking to the practices that got us here—such as seeking support and caring for our mental health—helps ensure that the summer phase lasts longer and prepares us for the next season.

3. Autumn: The Beauty of Letting Go
As the days grow shorter and leaves begin to fall, autumn represents a time of change and letting go. In recovery, autumn might feel like the stage where we start to see which parts of our lives no longer serve us. This could mean letting go of toxic relationships, old beliefs, or even habits we realize are holding us back.

This phase can be challenging because it can feel like we’re losing what we worked so hard to build. But just like the tree that sheds its leaves to nourish the soil, letting go of what no longer serves us makes room for future growth. Embrace this phase as an opportunity to release old patterns and trust that it’s a natural and necessary part of the cycle.

4. Winter: Building Inner Strength in Times of Challenge
Winter is often the most challenging season. It’s a time of introspection, where things can feel cold and barren. In recovery, winter might be those tough times when emotions surface, old wounds reappear, or progress seems to stall. This is when we’re most likely to face feelings of doubt, anxiety, and even fear.

Yet, just like a tree that draws strength from its roots during winter, this season allows us to dig deeper within ourselves. Winter teaches us patience, resilience, and the importance of tending to our inner lives. Instead of seeking quick fixes or running from the cold, we can focus on nurturing our roots by connecting with supportive people, engaging in self-care, and remembering that winter, too, will pass. Each winter we endure makes us stronger and more prepared for the next.

Preparing For The Next Cycle Of Growth
With each completed cycle, we’re more equipped for the next. As we return to spring, we bring the wisdom, strength, and experience gained from each season. The recovery journey is not about avoiding hardship but about learning to navigate life’s challenges and emerging stronger on the other side.

Recovery is a journey of seasons, each bringing its own lessons and gifts. By understanding that each phase has a purpose, we can release the idea of “getting through” and start to experience our growth fully. Whether it’s the excitement of spring, the joy of summer, the letting go of autumn, or the reflection of winter, each season makes us who we are. In time, we become resilient and adaptable, much like a tree that stands firm through all of nature’s cycles.

Want to dive deeper? Listen to the full podcast episode, where I share more insights, stories, and strategies on navigating the seasons of recovery and becoming stronger with each turn.

Recovering Outloud: How To Remove The Stigma Around Addiction

Tim Phillips July 21, 2023

Breaking the Chains of Shame: Recovering Out Loud

For years, I kept my past hidden like a shameful secret, worrying that if people knew the depths of my addiction, they’d see me as weak, irresponsible, or unworthy. Every person I kept my story from only reinforced the shame I carried. But what happens if we let go of that fear and embrace our journey openly? Could speaking up about our struggles help lift the burden of shame—not only for ourselves but for others in recovery, too?

In this article, we’ll examine the barriers of shame and stigma in recovery and explore the powerful freedom that comes when we decide to recover out loud.

The Impact of Hiding

Early in my recovery, I found myself at lunch with a coworker when I saw someone from AA in line behind us. Panic filled me. What if she brought up the meeting tonight? What if my coworker finds out I’m in AA? The fears multiplied: If he finds out, he’ll tell everyone at work. They’ll think I’m unreliable. What if I get fired? Although none of these fears came to pass, this moment made me realize how much my shame was holding me back.

Hiding our past doesn’t make it go away. Instead, it keeps us tethered to it. This secrecy holds us down like an anchor, preventing us from confidently moving forward. Dr. Brené Brown, a well-known researcher on shame, says it requires three ingredients to thrive: secrecy, silence, and judgment. We feed these three elements by keeping our past hidden and inadvertently allowing our shame to grow.

Combatting Shame In Recovery

1. Understanding Shame and Its Ingredients

As Brené Brown notes, shame is a powerful emotion that makes us feel fundamentally flawed and unworthy of connection. For many in recovery, this is all too familiar. We may see our addiction as a personal failure, something to hide from the world. But it’s this secrecy, silence, and judgment that intensifies our shame, keeping us isolated and, in many cases, at risk of relapse. In recovery, we must recognize that our struggles don’t define us—they are part of our journey.

2. The Importance of Authenticity and Connection

Keeping our past hidden often stops us from creating authentic relationships. When we withhold parts of ourselves, we’re not truly connecting; we’re only sharing the “acceptable” pieces. My story changed when I finally opened up to a close coworker. His response? “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I thought we were close.” This is the transformative power of vulnerability: it builds genuine bonds and removes the fear that others will reject us if they see who we truly are.

3. Combating Stigma Through Education and Openness

The stigma around addiction paints it as a moral failure rather than the complex challenge that it is. As a result, many of us hide our recovery journeys to avoid discrimination. However, the best way to fight stigma is through education. When we share our experiences openly, we challenge the misconceptions about addiction and encourage understanding. Rather than reinforcing shame, we’re helping reshape society’s view on addiction and recovery.

4. The Life-Changing Freedom of Recovering Out Loud

For years, I avoided talking about my addiction openly, but eventually, circumstances required me to do so. When a new company was set to take over my workplace, a background check brought my past out into the open. Facing it head-on allowed me to share my story honestly with my boss, who responded with compassion and understanding, opening a door to a promotion instead of shutting one.

This experience led me to question why I was hiding at all. I began to open up more and more, and each time I did, the shame lessened. When I shared my recovery journey with someone like my coworker, it strengthened our connection. When I was honest with others, like a woman I met at a seminar who was struggling with her son’s addiction, it provided her the comfort and hope she needed. Recovering out loud transformed my life, freeing me from shame and strengthening my sense of purpose.

Embracing Authenticity Over Fear

The journey to shed shame and stigma is not quick, nor is it always easy. But letting go of secrecy and embracing authenticity allows us to show up fully in our lives. When we step out from behind the curtain of shame, we become empowered, inspiring others who may still be in the shadows.

If this resonates with you, consider taking a step to recover out loud in a way that feels right for you. Start by sharing your story with someone you trust or joining a supportive group like our community on Facebook. Opening up is not just about releasing your own shame—it’s a powerful way to encourage others to find freedom in their recovery journey as well.

For a deeper look into the process of letting go of shame, tune in to this week’s podcast episode. Learn more about the impact of stigma, and hear stories of how recovering out loud can bring strength, connection, and peace.

What You Are Holding Onto Is What Is Holding You Back In Your Recovery

Tim Phillips July 14, 2023

Letting Go to Move Forward: How Subtraction Can Be the Key to Recovery Success

When we think about improving our lives, we often look for things to add. We consider buying a new car, planning vacations, or finding new hobbies. But sometimes, the greatest transformations come not from adding but from letting go of the things that hold us back. In recovery, this can be even more powerful. By releasing what no longer serves us, we open the door to a future filled with potential and happiness.

In this article, we’ll explore the impact of letting go, how to identify what’s holding us back, and the steps you can take to clear your path toward a fulfilling, sober life.

The Weight of Holding On

Imagine you want to make a car go faster, so you take it to a shop and get top-notch modifications. When it’s ready, you jump in, press the gas, and… nothing happens. You realize the car is still in park. This is exactly what happens when we refuse to let go of the past. We might add things to our lives, but if we’re still holding on to what limits us, we stay stuck.

The challenge? Letting go often means confronting fears and doubts. It’s easier to focus on potential losses than on the rewards that lie beyond our comfort zone. In recovery, these fears can be especially intense, as we often cling to old habits and mindsets out of familiarity.

Identifying What Holds Us Back

Focus on the Loss Instead of the Reward
Many of us in recovery resist letting go because we fixate on the immediate loss. When thinking about quitting drinking, for example, people often think, How will I enjoy a football game without a beer? Or will my friends judge me if I stop drinking? Instead of focusing on potential losses, try to look ahead to the life you could gain by letting go of drinking.
Understand the Stories We Tell Ourselves
The mind can be very creative when justifying holding on. For years, I told myself, “If I stop drinking, I’ll lose my friends,” not considering that real friends wouldn’t abandon me. We cling to these stories, fearing rejection, failure, or pain. To break free, we must recognize these as stories, not facts.
Look Beyond the Surface Excuses
Sometimes, we tell ourselves we’re not capable of achieving an amazing life, convincing ourselves that change is too hard. Addiction often teaches us to lower our standards, both in behavior and potential. This mindset keeps us stuck. Challenge your internal dialogue and ask whether your beliefs serve your goals.

Key Steps to Start Letting Go

Examine the Pros and Cons Honestly
Making a pros and cons list can be helpful—but be mindful of exaggerating the cons. Often, we overestimate the losses and minimize the potential rewards. Try to consider not only the immediate changes but also the longer-term gains.
Question the Stories You Tell
What beliefs are keeping you stuck? For example, if you think I won’t have any friends if I stop drinking, challenge that idea. Perhaps the reality is that people who genuinely support you will remain, and you’ll have space to create new, meaningful relationships.
Identify Emotional Triggers
We often resist change to avoid uncomfortable emotions. By staying in our comfort zones, we feel a false sense of security, even though the status quo may be harming us. Acknowledge these feelings and remind yourself that embracing change can lead to a more rewarding life.
Look at the Long-Term Cost of Holding On
Imagine the cumulative effects of staying where you are. For instance, holding onto addiction might result in continued pain, disappointment, and regret. Now, think about the future you could build if you let go of these self-imposed limits.

In recovery, letting go can be more transformative than adding more to our lives. We sabotage our potential when we refuse to release harmful habits, beliefs, or people. By examining our fears, challenging our limiting stories, and focusing on the rewards of change, we open ourselves to a fulfilling and vibrant life.

If you’re ready to begin letting go, identify one area of your life where you feel stuck. Is it a habit, a belief, or a relationship that no longer serves you? Consider the cost of holding on and imagine the possibilities if you release it.

Listen to the full podcast episode for a deeper dive into these concepts and additional strategies for moving from simply being sober to truly living a sober and happy life.

Reflections From 12 Years Of Sobriety

Tim Phillips July 7, 2023

Reflections on 12 Years of Sobriety: Lessons Learned and Growth Achieved

Twelve years ago, I sat in an airport, uncertain and terrified. I was on my way to rehab, but doubt consumed me, and I almost turned back. As I reflect on my sobriety journey, I realize that many lessons learned along the way have shaped my recovery and brought me to a place I couldn’t have imagined back then.

In this article, I’m sharing some of the most significant lessons I’ve learned, from the power of simply trying to the incredible strength of healing and self-discovery. I hope these insights resonate with you and bring a fresh perspective to your own recovery journey.

1. Just Trying Is Enough To Get Started

When I started my recovery, I was overwhelmed by doubt. I thought, “What if I can’t do this?” But I learned it’s okay not to know if you’ll succeed. Just being willing to try is enough to start. Even today, I face moments of self-doubt. But I’ve adopted a mantra that has helped me: “Yeah, but I can still try.”

Key Takeaway: It’s normal to feel uncertain. All that matters is that you’re willing to take the first step.

2. You Don’t Have to Get Sober “For Yourself”

Many people in recovery are told, “You have to get sober for yourself.” But I couldn’t connect with that idea initially because, after years of addiction, I thought so low of myself that I didn’t feel I was worthy of anything good. My first motivation to get sober was for my mom; I wanted to stop hurting her. Hearing that my reason “wasn’t good enough” made me question my ability to stay sober. Thankfully, a supportive individual told me, “Don’t let anyone tell you your reason isn’t good enough.” That was precisely what I needed to hear.

Key Takeaway: Your reason for sobriety is personal. Whatever motivates you to start is a valid and powerful enough reason.

3. Ask “Why?” to Find Practical Solutions

Recovery communities often use familiar slogans like “Let go and let God.” While these can be inspiring, they can feel vague without guidance on applying them practically. I learned to ask “Why?” when advice didn’t resonate with me. It’s important to seek clarity rather than following slogans without understanding their deeper meaning. Eventually, I found mentors who could offer practical advice, like letting go of expectations while still taking action toward my goals.

Key Takeaway: Don’t hesitate to ask questions. Finding practical meaning in advice will make it much more effective.

4. Embrace Detours as Part of the Journey

One of the most valuable lessons I learned in recovery is that setbacks don’t necessarily mean failure. In fact, they can often lead to unexpected growth and open doors we hadn’t considered before. At times, events that feel like obstacles reveal hidden opportunities, even if we can’t see them immediately. This mindset shift—from viewing setbacks as roadblocks to seeing them as potential stepping stones—has been transformative. Now, when things don’t go as planned, I try to stay open to the possibility that they might ultimately be guiding me toward something better.

Key Takeaway: Not every setback is a disaster. Trust that life’s detours can ultimately lead you to better places.

5. Healing Takes Time and Effort

Early in recovery, I thought simply staying sober would heal my emotional wounds. But true healing requires facing and processing difficult emotions. I’ve learned to prioritize my mental health by working with a therapist and finding resources to address my needs. And when it comes to mending relationships, time and consistent action are essential.

Key Takeaway: Healing isn’t instantaneous. Be patient with yourself and commit to working on your growth.

6. You’re Capable of More Than You Think

A couple of years ago, I came across my old rehab workbook with a list of goals I set for myself in early recovery. Back then, these goals seemed almost impossible. Now, I’ve not only met but surpassed them. When I first made that list, I was limited by my past experiences and self-doubt. But recovery has shown me that we are often capable of more than we ever imagined.

Key Takeaway: You are not your past. Give yourself permission to dream big, and you may surprise yourself with what you can achieve.

Recognizing the Strength Within

Recovery is about more than just staying sober; it’s about growth, resilience, and discovering our potential. By taking it one step at a time and keeping an open mind, we can overcome the challenges that seem impossible. The lessons learned along the way have helped me realize the strength I never knew I had.

If these reflections resonate with you, I encourage you to listen to the full podcast episode, where I delve deeper into each lesson. You’ll find insights that can help guide you on your own journey, whether you’re just starting out or celebrating years of sobriety.

Why It Is Important To Be Intentional In Your Recovery Journey

Tim Phillips June 30, 2023

The Power of Intentional Recovery: Turning Dreams into Reality

In addiction recovery, some people thrive, and others struggle through relapse after relapse. What sets them apart? The answer lies in one essential factor: intentionality.

The Key Difference in Recovery Journeys

Throughout my 12 years in recovery, I’ve witnessed countless people fighting the same battle. Some of them rise from the depths of addiction to create beautiful, fulfilling lives. Others fall into relapse, unable to sustain the momentum they built. The key difference? It’s not just motivation or support—it’s being intentional about their recovery and their growth.

Why Intentionality is Essential in Recovery

Intentionality is crucial in building a life that’s not only free from addiction but genuinely fulfilling. When we become intentional with our actions, we’re no longer just “staying sober”—we’re creating lives so meaningful that relapse becomes irrelevant. Approach recovery with purpose and you will set yourself up for lasting happiness.

Becoming Intentional In Your Recovery

1. Recovery is a Journey of Growth, Not Just Maintenance
When we first enter recovery, there’s often a structured plan: rehab schedules, meetings, and mentorship. But once we reach the “maintenance” phase, we may start to feel stagnant. Simply “maintaining” sobriety is like doing basic home maintenance without any upgrades or renovations—practical but uninspiring. To thrive, we must engage in “home improvement,” constantly adding to our lives through personal growth and new goals.

2. Understanding the Relapse Cycle and the “Pink Cloud”
The early days of recovery often come with a euphoric sense of freedom—the “pink cloud.” But when that fades, it’s easy to slip into a dull routine and turn to old coping mechanisms. People in this stage might seek temporary comfort in unhealthy ways, leading to an eventual spiral back toward relapse. Relapse usually begins long before the drink or drug use; it starts when growth stops and boredom takes over.

3. Shifting Your Focus: From Pain Avoidance to Life-Building
Some programs emphasize the importance of staying close to the pain of addiction, focusing on what we don’t want to return to. But we need more than just avoiding pain; we need compelling reasons to live fully. Instead of emptying our “reasons to drink” bucket, we should focus on filling our “reasons not to drink” bucket. When we build a life rich with purpose, meaning, and joy, addiction’s grip weakens.

4. Building an Intentional, Purpose-Driven Life
It is significant to have a clear purpose and know the steps needed to bring that purpose to life. Define your “why” for sobriety, set meaningful goals, and hold yourself accountable. By creating structure and seeking guidance, you can turn longtime dreams into a reality.

5. Setting Goals and Accountability to Sustain Momentum
Intentionality requires clear goals and milestones, as well as accountability. Setting specific, actionable goals keeps us focused and motivated, and holding ourselves accountable ensures that we stay on track even when motivation fades. Accountability can come from self-discipline, but also from sharing our goals with a trusted person or support group who encourages us to follow through. Consistency, especially during challenging times, helps build resilience and keeps us moving toward the fulfilling life we envision.

The Freedom of Intentional Living

Intentional recovery transforms sobriety into an active, joyful journey. When we align our actions with our values, each day has meaning. Life in sobriety isn’t just about staying away from substances—it’s about creating something extraordinary. With purpose and intentionality, we’re not “missing out” on life by not drinking; we’re building fulfilling lives on every level.

Are you ready to add intention to your recovery journey? This week, take a step toward a goal that has meaning to you. Whether it’s a big dream or a small milestone, start today. Listen to this episode to learn how embracing intentionality can lead to lasting change, happiness, and a life you’ll love.

Yesterday You Said Tomorrow

Tim Phillips June 23, 2023

Embracing Action in Recovery: Why Tomorrow is Too Late

For many, tomorrow seems like a comfortable time to pursue dreams or make amends. But what if waiting could lead to a lifetime of regret?

A Life Lesson from My Father

As Father’s Day approaches, I’m reminded of the final days with my dad, a man who faced the end of his life with a heart full of regrets. For years, he put off mending relationships, promising he’d “do it tomorrow.” But in his last moments, he was haunted by unspoken apologies and unfulfilled intentions. This experience struck me deeply, especially as someone navigating sobriety. I realized that if I wanted to live a life free of regret, I had to take action today, not tomorrow.

Why Waiting Leads to Regret

In recovery, we often hear “take it slow” or “wait until you’re ready.” But waiting can easily turn into a lifetime of missed opportunities and regrets. Putting off dreams, apologies, or changes can erode our joy and well-being. By embracing action, we avoid the pitfalls of “someday” thinking and create a life we’re proud of.

How To Break Free Of The “Tomorrow” Mentality

1. The Trap of “Someday” Thinking
When it comes to taking significant steps in life, whether making amends or chasing dreams, it’s easy to say, “I’ll do it when I’m ready.” This mindset, however, often leads to constant delays. Each “tomorrow” becomes a lost opportunity, making it harder to break the cycle. The reality is that we’re not guaranteed another chance, and waiting only builds a legacy of missed moments.

2. The Power of Taking Action in the Present
Breaking free from procrastination requires setting meaningful, realistic goals. Taking even a small action today brings momentum and builds confidence. There is a freedom that comes with taking responsibility and choosing to make positive changes now. Life won’t always wait for the “perfect” time, but we can embrace this moment and make progress every day.

3. How Avoidance Leads to Regret
Psychologist Bronnie Ware interviewed people nearing the end of their lives about their regrets. Many wished they’d been braver in pursuing their passions and connecting with loved ones. Their regrets weren’t about mistakes; they were about things left undone. This study is a reminder that avoiding discomfort today leads to more profound disappointment tomorrow. Avoiding action doesn’t save us from discomfort; it only prolongs it.

4. Strategies to Start Today, Not Tomorrow
For anyone struggling to take that first step, breaking down big goals into small, manageable actions is essential. Having supportive people in your life helps, too. Each small action builds the resilience needed to handle life’s challenges. Whether it’s making amends, starting a new hobby, or building healthier relationships, each step forward reduces the weight of procrastination.

Seizing Today for a Better Tomorrow

In recovery and life, every action we take today builds a foundation for tomorrow. Waiting doesn’t remove fear or discomfort; it only compounds it. Instead, by choosing to act now, we create a future free from the burden of missed opportunities. The energy we put toward avoiding something uncomfortable can be redirected toward achieving something remarkable.

If you’ve been putting something off, today is the day to take one small action. Whether it’s starting your recovery journey, reconnecting with a loved one, or pursuing a dream, commit to doing it today. Listen to this episode for actionable insights on avoiding regret and building a life filled with fulfillment, growth, and happiness.

Embracing Discomfort in Recovery: How to Stop Avoiding and Start Living

Tim Phillips June 16, 2023

Breaking Free from the Comfort Trap

It’s no secret that many people fall into addiction as a way to escape discomfort. The desire to dodge uneasy feelings and situations often leads us to self-destructive habits. It’s often not just big, painful events but small, seemingly harmless moments of discomfort that trigger a cycle of avoidance. Over time, these coping mechanisms become habits that weigh us down, and our attempts to avoid discomfort often keep us trapped. Facing those uncomfortable feelings can be the doorway to genuine freedom.

Discomfort in Recovery

Whether you’re just starting your recovery journey or have been sober for years, discomfort remains a persistent challenge. In recovery, discomfort is both physical—cravings and detox—and mental: fears of being judged, losing friends, or facing unresolved emotions. Instead of avoiding discomfort, what if you could make it an ally?

This episode unpacks how embracing discomfort can build resilience, foster personal growth, and empower you to create the life you genuinely want.

Episode Highlights

1. Discomfort and the Vicious Cycle of Avoidance
It’s natural to want to avoid pain, but in recovery, we often find ourselves dodging not only pain but also ordinary emotions like social awkwardness or uncertainty. Avoidance might offer momentary relief, but it doesn’t eliminate discomfort; it only delays it. For example, many people fear the unknowns of sobriety: What will life be like without alcohol? How will I cope at social events? Will people judge me? Yet, ironically, sticking with the familiar pain of addiction or avoidance often leads to greater discomfort over time.

2. The Hidden Cost of Choosing Familiar Pain Over Growth
It’s like the analogy of the frog in boiling water: the longer you sit in your comfort zone, the more you’re essentially “cooked” by familiar pains. From toxic relationships to unfulfilling careers, staying “comfortable” can leave you stuck in a life that doesn’t bring you happiness or growth. This “slow burn” erodes potential, confidence, and fulfillment. Instead of escaping discomfort, we’re simply choosing the discomfort we’re used to.

3. The Benefits of Embracing Discomfort
Embracing discomfort is like strengthening a muscle. It fosters resilience and personal growth, helps us build self-confidence, and opens us up to new opportunities. The willingness to face discomfort makes it easier to grow in recovery, push through difficult moments, and chase dreams that once seemed out of reach. Real transformation often happens when we step into discomfort rather than avoid it.

4. A Practical Strategy to Start Embracing Discomfort
To begin embracing discomfort, identify one goal that’s just outside your comfort zone. Then, without overthinking, take one immediate action. If the goal feels daunting, remind yourself of the persistence you had as a child when learning to walk or ride a bike. Facing discomfort in this way empowers us, slowly building our courage and resilience for bigger challenges.

Why Embracing Discomfort Matters

Avoiding discomfort doesn’t make it disappear—it only keeps us stuck. By embracing discomfort, you gain control over your life rather than letting fear control you. Whether you’re facing fears of social situations, career challenges, or personal doubts, stepping into discomfort is a chance to grow, heal, and thrive. Facing our fears head-on transforms recovery from merely “not drinking” into a journey toward a life that’s deeply fulfilling.

If you’re ready to move beyond the comfort trap and embrace the freedom on the other side, listen to the full episode for actionable steps and personal insights on facing discomfort in recovery. Don’t let another season pass by in hesitation. Embrace discomfort, challenge your fears, and create a life you truly love.

Becoming The Hero Of Your Recovery Story

Tim Phillips June 9, 2023

Finding the Hero Within: How Recovery Mirrors the Hero’s Journey

Imagine a movie without any struggle or obstacles—just a character who breezes through life with no challenges to overcome. Sounds dull, right? But this is exactly what many of us think we want out of life. In reality, adversity shapes us, and, like the hero of a great story, our struggles make us grow.

Addiction recovery isn’t just about getting sober; it’s about stepping up to become the hero of your life. In recovery, we confront trials, overcome our darkest moments, and come out stronger on the other side, ready to inspire others.

In this episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast, we explore how the Hero’s Journey framework—a storytelling structure from many cultures—perfectly mirrors the journey of recovery.

The Hero’s Journey (In Sobriety)

1. The Ordinary World and the Call to Adventure

In a story, the hero’s journey starts in an ordinary world, marked by familiarity and routine. For those battling addiction, this “ordinary world” may mean a cycle of pain and addiction that feels oddly comforting in its familiarity. But the hero’s call to adventure arrives when we realize we can’t go on like this. Whether it’s a painful incident or an internal wake-up call, we’re nudged to step into the unknown and embark on our recovery journey.

2. Crossing the Threshold

The next phase, “crossing the threshold,” represents the first courageous step toward recovery. It’s the moment we leave behind the old, painful routine, knowing the path forward is uncertain. Fear often urges us to stay in the familiar world of addiction, but embracing the unknown is the only way to grow. This choice opens the door to recovery—our true adventure.

3. Tests, Allies, and Enemies

Every hero faces tests, finds allies, and encounters enemies. In recovery, these tests come in many forms: cravings, triggers, self-doubt, and challenges from the past. But we’re not alone; along the way, we find allies like support groups, friends, and mentors who uplift us. Enemies like old habits and negative influences try to pull us back, but they ultimately strengthen us as we work to overcome them.

4. The Abyss and Revelation

The abyss represents our darkest moments—the times we feel hopeless or ashamed. Yet it’s often in these low points that we confront the painful truth of addiction and experience a life-changing revelation: we have the power to change. This clarity can transform our motivation, setting us on a path to genuine healing.

5. Transformation and Atonement

As the hero gains wisdom, so too does a person in recovery. In this stage, we begin to rebuild our lives, repair relationships, and forgive ourselves. Moments of transformation come in all shapes and sizes, from a child saying, “I’m proud of you,” to milestones like getting a license back or landing a job. These experiences bring us closer to becoming our best selves.

6. Return and Sharing the Journey

Finally, the hero returns home to share their knowledge, offering inspiration to others. In recovery, this “return” is our chance to give back. We’ve transformed our lives and now have the chance to become a beacon of hope, sharing our story to uplift those still struggling. This is when we fully step into the role of hero—not just in our story but in the lives of others as well.

Embracing The Hero’s Journey

Recovery is a journey, not a straight path, and it’s filled with obstacles that demand resilience and courage. By framing it as the Hero’s Journey, we can see that each challenge strengthens us, each setback is a lesson, and each victory brings us closer to the best version of ourselves. Embracing the hero within allows us to reclaim our lives, inspire others, and ultimately find lasting happiness in sobriety.

To dive deeper into how you can embrace the Hero’s Journey in your recovery, listen to the full episode. Through personal stories and reflections, I explore how recovery and heroism intertwine, offering actionable steps to help you move forward on your path. Don’t miss this opportunity to unlock your inner hero and keep living a sober and happy life.

How To Realize Your Amazing Sober Life

Tim Phillips June 2, 2023

In this week’s episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast, we’re diving into a powerful concept inspired by the Rat Park study—a research experiment that challenged the idea that addiction is inevitable when substances are available.

Last week, we explored how a supportive, stimulating environment, like the Rat Park for rats, can dramatically reduce the likelihood of addiction. This episode focuses on creating our own “Rat Park” by building a life so fulfilling that addiction no longer holds sway.

There was a point in my recovery where I realized my life had shifted to a place where alcohol no longer had any hold over me. This happened not by focusing on abstaining from drinking but by creating a life I genuinely loved. My journey took me from obsessively focusing on sobriety alone to discovering purpose, healing, and the joy of life without alcohol.

This episode provides actionable steps for building a life free from addiction by identifying what gives you purpose and constructing a path to get there.

Episode Highlights:

Envisioning Your Dream Life: We discuss the importance of visualizing a life where addiction doesn’t even have a place. Picture the people, activities, and daily joys in your “best self” life, and write these dreams down or create a vision board to bring them into focus.
Setting a Path with Clear Goals: Rather than vague dreams, we talk about the importance of breaking your vision down into achievable steps, just like using a GPS for a destination. Start with one goal at a time, build habits, and adjust as you go.
Navigating Obstacles and Remaining Patient: We address common challenges like over-promising or getting discouraged when things don’t progress quickly. Consistency, patience, and focusing on your progress are crucial to sustaining motivation on the journey to a fulfilling life.

By focusing on growth, healing, and creating a life that excites you, you can leave addiction behind not by avoiding it but by building something so beautiful you wouldn’t want to give it up.

Listen to the full episode to learn how to create a personal “Rat Park” for a lasting, joyful recovery.

The Story Of Rat Park: What A 1970’s Addiction Study Could Teach Us Today

Tim Phillips May 26, 2023

In this episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast, we examine the famous “Rat Park” study from the 1970s—a lesser-known experiment that challenges the traditional view of addiction.

The classic study many know involves isolated rats who, given a choice between water and drug-laced water, chose drugs repeatedly until overdosing. For years, this has been cited to demonstrate the addictive pull of drugs.

But here’s the twist: the same scientist created “Rat Park,” an engaging, social environment where rats had space to explore, play, and bond. Here, even with access to the same drug-laced water, the rats chose it only occasionally, never to the point of addiction or overdose. Even more strikingly, previously addicted rats, when moved to Rat Park, quickly stopped choosing the drug water entirely.

This eye-opening finding suggests that a fulfilling environment rich in connection and stimulation can dramatically reduce the appeal of addictive substances.

Please tune in to hear how this revelation can transform how we approach recovery, focusing on building a rewarding life that makes addiction lose its grip.

Special Episode: The Impact of Addiction on Families – A Conversation with My Mom

Tim Phillips May 19, 2023

In this special episode of The Sober and Happy Podcast, I had the privilege of sitting down with someone who has been through every step of my journey from addiction to recovery—my mom. We discussed the emotional toll addiction has on families and the ways they cope, support, and sometimes lose hope along the way.

We start by talking about her background and how her own experiences with sobriety shaped her response to my struggles. She shares candidly about her initial fears, self-blame, and the helplessness she felt as my addiction took hold. She recalls desperately searching for anything that might stop my downward spiral and the constant fear of “getting the call” that every parent dreads.

Together, we explored the mindset of holding on to hope even as my addiction grew worse. My mom describes the heartache of watching a loved one in the grips of addiction, feeling powerless to help, yet never fully giving up hope. She talks about the importance of having her own support system through friends and Al-Anon, which provided her with tools to cope and avoid losing herself in my struggles.

We also dive into the breakthrough moment—when I asked her to help me find a rehab. She describes the emotional journey from hopelessness to relief and the initial fears she faced when I moved back into her home after treatment. She shares the joy and cautious optimism of seeing me rebuild my life, step by step, and how it felt to see the weight of worry finally lifted as I grew stronger in my recovery.

For families with loved ones in active addiction, my mom offers a message of hope and resilience. Her advice? Hold on to hope, seek support, and understand that while the road may be long and painful, recovery is possible, both for the person struggling and for the family members by their side.

Make sure to listen to the full episode!

Getting Unstuck in Recovery: The First Steps Toward Change

Tim Phillips May 12, 2023

Moving Beyond Feeling Stuck

In recovery, feeling stuck is one of our most common feelings. Whether it’s from addiction, a job we hate, or a relationship that doesn’t serve us, it’s easy to feel like we’re spinning in circles. But here’s the good news: feeling stuck is a sign that change is needed and possible.

How To Get Out Of A Sober Rut

Why We Get Stuck: Holding On to What No Longer Works. It’s easy to stay committed to things that once worked well. But as we grow and evolve, those same things can start to hold us back. Whether it’s a toxic relationship, unhealthy habits, or even addiction, when we keep trying to make something work long after it’s stopped benefiting us, we get stuck. I know I stayed stuck in alcohol addiction long past its usefulness, convinced that one more drink would fix everything. But addiction, like anything else, has a shelf life—and once it becomes destructive, it’s time to let go. The first step to moving forward is identifying what no longer serves you and recognizing it’s time to stop trying to make it work.
The Power of Clarity: Defining What You Want. Feeling stuck often stems from not knowing where you want to go. When I was in the thick of my addiction, I didn’t know what a life without alcohol looked like. I had to get clear on what I wanted out of life—something I had avoided for years. The same principle applies in recovery: you need a clear vision of what you want. This clarity doesn’t come overnight but begins with one simple step: write it down. Write down what you enjoy, what you want more of, and where you want to be. It becomes real once you have it on paper, and you’ll start building momentum.
Breaking Big Goals into Small, Achievable Steps. Getting sober, finding a fulfilling career, or building healthy relationships can seem overwhelming. And when something feels overwhelming, the instinct is to avoid it. But as I learned, breaking a big goal into smaller, manageable tasks makes it achievable. Whether it’s sobriety or a career change, take the first small step. For example, when I thought about quitting drinking, the overwhelming fear of the unknown would paralyze me. But the decision to go to rehab—just one simple step—was the catalyst for everything that followed. Breaking your big goals down into smaller, actionable steps will keep you moving forward and prevent you from feeling stuck.
Overcoming Doubt and Fear with Action. As you start pursuing your goals, doubt and fear will inevitably creep in. I can’t tell you how often I hesitated to start my podcast because I thought, “Who am I to share my story?” But when we act despite fear, something magical happens. Momentum builds. The fear doesn’t disappear, but it becomes easier to push through. Every time you take action, you reinforce the idea that you can do this. Whether it’s taking one step toward sobriety, finding a healthier job, or pursuing a new passion, small actions build the confidence needed to keep going.
The Role of Support: Mentors and Positive Relationships. While self-motivation is important, you don’t have to go it alone. Finding support from mentors and positive relationships is key to long-term success. Surrounding yourself with people who believe in your goals and who are on their own journeys of growth can inspire you to push past your fears. When I finally decided to start this podcast, I reached out to others who had already made similar strides. Their guidance and wisdom helped me avoid common mistakes and stay focused on my goal. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or seek advice from those who’ve been where you want to go.

Learn More in the Full Episode

If you’ve found this article helpful, I encourage you to listen to the full Sober and Happy Podcast episode. In this episode, I dive deeper into overcoming the feeling of being stuck in recovery and provide actionable steps to help you move forward in your journey.

Why is sobriety so overwhelming at times?

Tim Phillips May 5, 2023

Facing Sobriety Alone at the Airport

Imagine completing rehab, feeling both accomplished and terrified. I was about to face the real world again for the first time in years, unsupervised and surrounded by temptation. As I walked through the airport, with bars and lounges in view, I questioned if I could withstand the pressures of life sober.

That day marked the beginning of a journey through overwhelming emotions, deep-rooted fears, and life changes that sobriety brought into sharp focus.

Moving Beyond “Just Being Sober”

In recovery, we face not only the physical cravings but also the emotional storms we used to numb. The path can feel overwhelming, but understanding these challenges and how to manage them is key to reclaiming a joyful, sober life.

Common Sources Of Overwhelm In Sobriety

Embracing Real Emotions without Alcohol. One of the hardest adjustments in early sobriety is dealing with emotions that we once numbed with alcohol. For years, I masked my social anxiety, fear of rejection, and insecurities with drinking. When we stop drinking, we’re forced to face these emotions head-on, and it can feel overwhelming.
Navigating Identity Shifts in Sobriety. Sobriety often forces us to redefine who we are. I got sober at 34 after drinking dominated my adult life. I thought certain things, like camping with friends and drinking all weekend, were integral to my identity. As I looked closer, I realized my attachment was not to the alcohol but to the experiences. Today, I still enjoy the outdoors and my favorite activities—just without the need for alcohol. Sobriety gave me the space to shed the negative parts of my identity while embracing activities that truly fulfill me.
Letting Go of Friendships Rooted in Addiction. Many of us face the daunting realization that relationships built around drinking don’t always survive sobriety. In my experience, these friendships naturally faded as I changed. Initially, I feared they’d see me as someone who thought he was “too good” for them. However, my counselor in rehab shared a valuable perspective: let the relationships run their course. When I stopped clinging to friendships rooted in drinking, I found space for new, meaningful relationships that align with my values and lifestyle. Remember, making room for healthier connections is crucial to developing a supportive, sober life.

Your Path to a Life You Love

Moving through sobriety isn’t just about staying sober—it’s about embracing a fuller, happier life. From processing deep-seated emotions and accepting a new identity to building healthier relationships, each step forward shapes you into the person you want to become. The struggles and discomfort will test you but are also essential to growth. On the other side of these challenges lies a life that’s not just sober but deeply fulfilling.

If these insights resonate with you, tune in to this week’s Sober and Happy Podcast episode. I explored each of these topics more deeply, sharing stories and strategies that helped me move from feeling overwhelmed to empowered. Please take a listen, share it with someone who might need it, and join the journey to a life that’s both sober and truly happy.

Your Questions Answered

Tim Phillips April 28, 2023

Six months into running the Sober and Happy podcast, I’ve received many questions from listeners. Some are practical, others deeply personal, but all are familiar challenges on the path to lasting sobriety.

In today’s post, I’m answering some of the most common questions I’ve received, from handling unsupportive loved ones to finding a routine that helps you thrive in recovery. Whether you’re newly sober or a few years into the journey, I hope you find insights here that help you continue growing.

The Most Asked Questions From People In Recovery

What Can You Do If Your Loved Ones Don’t Support Your Sobriety? One of the most challenging parts of early sobriety is feeling unsupported by those closest to you. My first advice: communicate openly. Don’t assume people understand your needs. Explain why sobriety matters to you and share how they can support you. For example, you might say, “I can’t control my drinking, and I want to live a life I’m proud of. Your support means the world to me, so please help me by not offering me drinks.”
Is Alcoholism a Disease? Questions about alcoholism being a disease or whether we’re “always recovering” often come up in recovery communities. While these debates are common, I choose not to focus on them. Instead, I put my energy into areas I can control: healing my past, making positive changes, setting goals, and growing into the best version of myself. By focusing on what moves you forward, you’ll conserve energy for things that truly impact your recovery journey.
How Can I Build a Daily Routine for Success in Sobriety? Routine can be a powerful anchor in recovery. My daily ritual starts with coffee—outside if it’s a nice day in Phoenix. It’s my quiet time to meditate, reflect, and observe my thoughts. I also take daily walks, listen to inspiring podcasts or audiobooks, and end each day by reviewing my progress and setting goals for tomorrow. Having a daily routine helps me stay grounded, and finding a balance between structure and flexibility has been key to my happiness.
Should You Wait a Year Before Dating? “Wait a year before dating” is common advice in recovery circles, but blanket rules don’t work for everyone. In my experience, I waited a year and still wasn’t ready, and it took more time and healing to reach a place where I felt prepared for a relationship. If you’re thinking about dating, check in with your motivation. Are you lonely or trying to fill an emotional void? If so, it might be worth waiting until you feel more secure in yourself. Pursue a relationship when you’re ready, not just because a rule says so.
Do You Still Crave Alcohol? Thankfully, I no longer crave alcohol, nor do I feel like I’m missing out by not drinking. This change happened gradually. For probably the first 18 months sober, I still occasionally thought about drinking but was able to resist. Over time, those thoughts became less frequent. After leaving AA, I realized one day that I hadn’t even thought about drinking in months. Today, the idea of jeopardizing my life for a drink seems absurd. My advice? Build a life so fulfilling that alcohol becomes irrelevant.
Were You Afraid to Leave AA? Leaving AA after five years was one of the scariest decisions I’ve made in my sobriety journey. I was taught that leaving the program could mean relapse, even death. But in my heart, I knew I needed something different. Leaving allowed me to grow in ways I hadn’t imagined, ultimately deepening my recovery. If you’re considering a change, trust yourself and be open to exploring new paths.
How Do I Stop Relapsing? Relapse is a tough topic, and I addressed it in detail in episode 10. The short answer? Learn from past relapses. Each relapse provides clues about what went wrong, so take the time to examine it. Identify patterns and avoid the same pitfalls, and you’ll increase your chances of long-term success.

Listen to the Full Q&A on the Podcast

For more in-depth answers and personal stories, listen to this week’s Q&A episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast. I dive deeper into each of these topics, sharing personal experiences and advice that’s helped me and many others along the way. Tune in, and let’s keep moving forward together toward a life that’s both sober and truly happy.

How to Live Your Best Life in Recovery: Practical Steps for Everyday Fulfillment

Tim Phillips April 21, 2023

Beyond the “Pink Cloud”

When I was newly sober, life felt fresh and exciting. I was rebuilding relationships, advancing in a new job, and eager to help others. But as time passed, the initial thrill—the “pink cloud” of early sobriety—faded, and life became routine. Conversations in my recovery group suggested this was just part of the process. One friend told me, “My life is kind of boring, but it keeps me sober.”

I knew then that I wanted something more—a life that was fulfilling and joyful on ordinary days. Living a fulfilling life in recovery is about more than staying sober. It’s about finding joy in the every day—without needing a vacation or a thrilling event to feel alive.

The Journey to Lasting Joy in Sobriety

Define What Your Best Life Looks Like—For You: In recovery, it’s easy to fall into the trap of living a life that seems “normal” or “successful” without thinking about what truly makes you happy. In rehab, I created one-, five-, and ten-year goals based on what I thought would make me successful, not what would make me happy. I achieved those goals but felt unfulfilled. The first step to living your best life is defining what that life looks like for you, regardless of what others might consider successful. If you don’t know what makes you happy, start trying new things, exploring new interests, and let your path evolve.
Set Specific Goals with Real Deadlines: Once you know what kind of life you want, setting specific, measurable goals will help you get there. Vague intentions like “going back to school someday” rarely lead to action. Instead, create a goal like, “I will enroll in college by fall to pursue a degree in psychology.” Write down your goals and share them with at least one person who can help keep you accountable. Then, break down the larger goals into smaller steps with deadlines, like meeting with an advisor or applying for financial aid. Big dreams become achievable when broken into smaller tasks.
Remove What’s Blocking Your Happiness: While achieving goals can bring happiness, it’s equally important to identify and remove what’s dragging you down. Adding positive things to your life won’t bring lasting joy if you still have habits, relationships, or environments that drain your energy. When I first set out to find happiness, I realized I had to let go of certain toxic relationships, bad spending habits, and even my physical environment. Ask yourself, “Does this habit, person, or place bring me closer to my best life or pull me away from it?” Then, take steps to remove or reduce those negative influences.
Surround Yourself with Positive, Motivated People: The people you spend time with significantly impact your mindset and happiness. You’ll struggle to make progress if you’re around people who are always negative or discourage your goals. Famous motivational speaker Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Evaluate your circle, and spend time with people who encourage your growth, are positive, and have their own ambitions. Look for mentors already living the kind of life you aspire to.
Embrace Challenges as Opportunities for Growth: Every journey has setbacks, and recovery is no different. Instead of seeing challenges as obstacles, view them as opportunities to build resilience and develop character. Challenges force us to grow, adapt, and become stronger. Instead of giving up when things get tough, try approaching obstacles with curiosity and determination. This shift in perspective can transform obstacles into exciting challenges and build the foundation for a more resilient and fulfilling life.
Discover Purpose Through the Journey, Not the Destination: As I started striving for a life that fulfilled me, I discovered the deeper key to happiness—purpose. Purpose isn’t something you just “find”; it’s something you uncover by pursuing dreams, facing challenges, and staying true to your values. Purpose often emerges when you’re living authentically and striving toward meaningful goals. So don’t stress about finding your purpose right away. It will reveal itself through the process of creating a life you love.

Building a Life You Love Every Day

Recovery is about more than just staying sober—it’s about building a life filled with joy, meaning, and fulfillment. By defining what makes you happy, setting specific goals, removing obstacles, surrounding yourself with positive influences, embracing challenges, and discovering purpose along the way, you can create a life you’re genuinely excited to live. You don’t have to rely on the “pink cloud” of early sobriety to feel alive; you can wake up every day with a sense of purpose and excitement.

Start Your Journey to Fulfillment

If you’re ready to start living your best life in recovery, tune into this week’s episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast. I go into more detail about my journey from living a life of simple sobriety to one filled with purpose and joy. You’ll learn how to define what happiness means for you, set goals, remove what holds you back, and embrace the challenges along the way. Listen now to begin building a life that’s truly worth living.

Raising Your “Thermostat”: The Secret to Lasting Happiness in Recovery

Tim Phillips April 14, 2023

The Five-Year Sober Question

I’ll never forget getting my five-year chip at an AA meeting. Birthday night was always a big celebration with my home group, and I felt proud walking out with that chip. But when I got home, a question popped into my mind: “Are you happy?”

After some reflection, I had to face the truth. I was sober, but I wasn’t truly happy. That night, I decided to take steps to shift from a life of mere sobriety to one of joy, fulfillment, and growth.

For many of us, staying sober is only half the journey. Sobriety doesn’t always equate to happiness, and it’s common to find ourselves still searching for fulfillment years into recovery.

There is a concept called the “Happiness Thermostat,” which is an internal setting that, like a thermostat, returns us to a baseline level of happiness. If we never raise our thermostat, we will always return to the baseline level it was previously set at.

How To Raise Your Happiness Thermostat In Recovery

Understanding Your “Happiness Thermostat”: Just as a thermostat controls the temperature in your home, we each have an internal baseline of happiness. External events—like getting a promotion, receiving compliments, or having a great day—can temporarily raise our happiness. But as the effect wears off, we return to our set “temperature.” Many of us, especially in recovery, seek out these external “quick fixes” to feel good. But when the excitement fades, we’re right back where we started. The key to lasting joy lies in resetting that internal thermostat, not depending on external validation.
Identifying Limiting Beliefs and Negative Identities: Often, our thermostat is set low because of ingrained beliefs. I spent years struggling with self-worth, seeking validation through achievements, relationships, and external praise. But no amount of success could override my internal identity that I was “not good enough.” When we don’t challenge these negative identities, they keep us stuck. For example, if you believe you’re “unworthy of love” or “destined to struggle,” your internal setting will always return to those beliefs, no matter the highs you achieve. Identifying these beliefs is the first step to changing them.
Letting Go of Temporary Highs for Lasting Joy: Quick fixes were a central part of my addiction, and I see this in recovery, too. Many people seek instant highs—jumping into relationships, chasing success, or relying on social media validation. While these might temporarily raise our happiness, they don’t address the deeper need for internal fulfillment. I’ve learned that true joy requires work and commitment. Activities like setting personal goals, creating a fulfilling routine, and focusing on inner growth take time, but they raise your happiness thermostat in a way that temporary fixes never will.
Creating a Future-Focused Narrative: You become the story you tell. If you focus on being a victim or on past struggles, that will shape your current experience. I used to let my story as a victim of my past define me. Shifting my story allowed me to see myself as a resilient, empowered individual on a journey to happiness. Reflect on your narrative: Are you focusing on your past failures or shaping a story of growth and potential? The way you talk about yourself directly impacts your mindset and actions.
Surrounding Yourself with Positive Influences: The people we spend time with significantly impact our happiness thermostat. If you’re surrounded by people stuck in a victim mindset, you will likely mirror that negativity. As motivational speaker, Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Choose to be around those who support growth, resilience, and positivity. Their energy and outlook can help elevate your baseline happiness.
Checking in with Your Goals Daily Setting goals that align with the person you want to become is crucial for long-term joy. Every day, ask yourself if your actions align with your goals. When I started my recovery, I wanted to be someone others could rely on. Every day, I focused on keeping commitments, showing up for myself and others, and making steady progress. Over time, I became that reliable person, not just someone aspiring to be. This alignment between goals and daily actions reinforces positive change and raises your internal thermostat.

Embracing a New Level of Happiness

If you’re feeling stuck, it may be time to focus less on external fixes and more on raising your internal happiness thermostat. True, lasting joy doesn’t come from fleeting highs; it comes from building a life that reflects your values, positive beliefs, and personal growth. By shifting your identity, focusing on positive influences, and setting meaningful goals, you can raise your baseline happiness and finally experience the fulfilling life you deserve.

Dive Deeper with This Week’s Podcast Episode

Are you ready to take your recovery beyond sobriety and step into a life of joy and fulfillment? Tune into this week’s episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast, where I go deeper into each of these steps and share more personal insights on raising your happiness thermostat. You’ll learn how to let go of temporary fixes, shift your identity, and build a life where happiness is your new normal. Listen now and start your journey toward true, lasting joy in recovery.

The Secret To Long-Term Sobriety: Change Your Story, Change Your Life

Tim Phillips April 7, 2023

The Power of One Question

I recently spoke with someone whose brother had struggled for years to get sober, failing over and over again. After sharing my own journey, he asked me a simple question: “What’s your secret?” I paused momentarily before answering, “The biggest difference in my recovery was my willingness to change my story.”

When you change your story, you change your life. And today, I’m going to walk you through exactly how I changed my story—and how you can, too.

Why Your Story Matters

The stories we tell ourselves shape our reality. Whether it’s the narrative that we’re not worthy of love, destined to fail, or can’t have fun sober—these stories dictate our actions and our future. The good news? You have the power to rewrite your story. In this article, I’ll share how changing my narrative helped me break free from addiction and how you can take steps to create a new story for yourself, one filled with happiness, fulfillment, and sobriety.

Recognizing the Stories We Tell Ourselves The first step to changing your story is understanding the one you’re telling yourself right now. These stories often come from our past—mistakes, judgments from others, or experiences that shaped our beliefs about who we are. Maybe you’ve been telling yourself that you’re unworthy, that you’ll never stay sober, or that life is miserable without alcohol. Every time you repeat that narrative, it becomes more deeply ingrained, shaping your actions and outcomes. But every story has multiple perspectives. Imagine seeing your life through a different lens. What if the challenges you’ve faced aren’t signs of weakness but evidence of your resilience? What if your past mistakes don’t define you, but your commitment to change does? Changing your perspective can shift your entire story—and your future.
The Resistance to Change Changing your story isn’t easy. We cling to our old narratives because they’re familiar, even when they’re harmful. Sometimes, we think we’re getting something useful from them, like validation or sympathy. One of the most challenging stories to let go of was my victim mentality. I blamed my struggles on my past—growing up with a father in prison—and for years, I used that as an excuse for my drinking. It was comfortable, and it gave me a way to explain away my actions. But once I realized that clinging to that story was holding me back, I had to face a harsh truth: if I stopped blaming others, I had to take full responsibility for my life. It was one of the toughest but most transformative realizations I’ve ever had.
Shifting Perspectives: Seeing the Story Differently One of the most powerful ways to change your story is by seeing it from a new perspective. In the movie Field of Dreams, the main character, Ray, builds a baseball field on his farm despite everyone—including his brother-in-law—thinking he’s crazy. But when a moment of crisis reveals a truth his brother-in-law hadn’t seen before, his perspective shifts instantly. Suddenly, he understands Ray’s vision. Your story can change in an instant, too. Think about your narrative: is there another perspective you haven’t considered? Are you focusing only on the negatives, missing the opportunities for growth or redemption? For example, if your story is that you’ve failed as a parent because of your drinking, try reframing it: you love your children enough to get sober and become the parent they deserve. That’s the new story you can create.
Challenging the Old Narratives Many of our stories come from deep-seated beliefs we’ve held for years. Maybe someone in your life told you that you weren’t good enough, and you’ve carried that belief ever since. Or maybe you’ve been telling yourself, “That’s just the way I am,” to avoid the discomfort of change. To rewrite your story, start by journaling your thoughts. What are the recurring themes? Ask yourself, “Is this story true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?” Recognize that just because a story feels familiar doesn’t mean it’s serving you. It’s time to challenge and replace those beliefs with ones that empower you.
The Power of a New Story Once you’ve started recognizing and challenging the old narratives, it’s time to write a new story. This doesn’t mean ignoring the past—it means choosing a new way to interpret it. For parents struggling with guilt over their past actions, the new story might be, “I’m becoming the parent my children deserve.” For someone battling self-worth issues, it might be, “I am worthy of love and happiness.” The best part? When you change your story, you not only transform your life, but you can also change the lives of those around you. Your new story has the power to inspire others, showing them that change is possible.

The Power to Rewrite Your Life

The stories we tell ourselves hold immense power. If you’ve been living under the weight of negative, limiting narratives, it’s time to challenge them. By shifting your perspective, challenging old beliefs, and writing a new story, you can change your life. This isn’t an overnight process—it requires practice, self-reflection, and perseverance—but the transformation is worth it. You don’t have to be stuck in your old story. You can become the hero of your journey.

Learn More on This Week’s Podcast

Are you ready to start rewriting your story? Tune in to this week’s episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast, where I dive deeper into how changing my story transformed my recovery journey. I’ll walk you through the steps to identify the narratives holding you back, how to challenge those stories, and how to create a new, empowering version of your life. Listen now, and take the first step toward becoming the person you’re meant to be.

How to Successfully Plan Your First 30 Days of Sobriety

Tim Phillips March 31, 2023

Celebrating With a 12-Pack After 30 Days? I Did Too

I remember the first time I put together more than a few days of sobriety, and I made it to 30 days exactly—only to celebrate with a 12-pack of beer.

Sound familiar? This wasn’t my first failed attempt, but it taught me a critical lesson: getting sober without a plan is like trying to run a marathon without training. It’s why this time, after multiple attempts, I finally made it stick, and now I’m 11 years sober. If you’re ready to break the cycle and finally achieve lasting sobriety, I’m going to walk you through the plan that helped me turn those first 30 days into over a decade of recovery.

The Importance of Planning Your Sobriety

Getting sober is more than just making the decision to stop drinking. It requires a well-thought-out plan to guide you through those crucial first 30 days and set you up for long-term success. Whether it’s understanding the importance of setting a quit date, preparing for the emotional rollercoaster of early sobriety, or learning how to deal with triggers, this article will give you actionable steps to navigate the first month of sobriety and beyond.

Why You Need a Plan Before Your Last Drink The foundation of successful sobriety starts before you take your last drink. The first thing you should do is consult a medical professional to ensure that detoxing from alcohol is safe for you. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous, and sometimes medical supervision is necessary. Once you’ve cleared that step, it’s time to set a quit date. Don’t just think about quitting—commit to a specific day. Without a set date, it’s easy to keep pushing off sobriety, and many people spend years stuck in this planning phase.
Anchor Yourself to a Strong “Why” One of the most common pieces of advice in the recovery community is that you need to get sober for yourself. But in the early days of recovery, that might not feel like enough. If you’re struggling with shame, regret, or self-hate, as I was, you might not feel worthy of sobriety. That’s why you need a “why” that is deeply emotional and meaningful to you. For some, it’s family. For others, it’s a dream they’ve put on hold. Whatever it is, your “why” should be strong enough to keep you motivated, even on the hardest days. Once you’re clear on your why, everything else becomes a little easier.
Communicate with Friends and Family Telling your friends and family about your decision to get sober is essential for both accountability and support. When I kept my plans to myself in previous attempts, I left the door open to relapse. If no one knows you’re trying to quit, it’s easier to give in at the first sign of difficulty. On my final attempt, I let everyone know, and it made a world of difference. Not only did it help reduce invitations to go drinking, but I also found unexpected support from friends who I thought wouldn’t understand. It’s also crucial to set boundaries with those closest to you. If your spouse drinks, you’ll need to discuss how alcohol will be handled in your household. Open communication will help prevent future conflicts that could derail your progress.
Prepare to Reduce Stress and Triggers The first 30 days are often the hardest, so reducing stress is key to setting yourself up for success. If possible, take time off work during your first week of sobriety. Not only will you be dealing with physical withdrawal symptoms, but your mood and energy levels will also be all over the place. Avoid stressful situations and people whenever possible. This isn’t the time for big life changes, family vacations, or major projects. Keep things simple, and focus on your sobriety.
Create a Roadmap for Success Once you’ve made it through the first few days, start thinking about your long-term goals in sobriety. Without a plan, it’s easy to drift through recovery. Identify where you want your life to go, and create a roadmap to get there. This might involve setting personal, professional, or relationship goals that will help keep you motivated and focused.
Celebrate Small Victories and Stay Active Don’t forget to celebrate even the smallest victories. Whether it’s making it through a tough day without drinking or finding a new hobby, every step in the right direction counts. I also encourage you to fill your time with activities that are healthy and enjoyable. Explore hobbies you’ve always wanted to try. Exercise, yoga, or just taking a walk can be great ways to clear your mind and reduce cravings.

Setting Yourself Up for Success

The first 30 days of sobriety can be challenging, but with the right plan, you can get through it and set the stage for long-term success. Start by consulting a medical professional, anchor yourself to a strong why, and communicate your plans with friends and family. Reducing stress and preparing for triggers will give you the emotional space to focus on your recovery. And don’t forget to celebrate every small victory along the way—these wins will keep you moving forward.

Learn More on the Podcast

If you’re ready to dive deeper into planning your sobriety and making those first 30 days count, check out this week’s episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast. I share my personal journey of failed attempts and what finally worked for me to get sober for good. You’ll hear practical tips for setting boundaries, managing triggers, and staying motivated during the crucial early days of recovery. Tune in to start your journey to lasting sobriety.

How to Conquer Cravings and Find Freedom in Recovery

Tim Phillips March 24, 2023

I used to start every morning with a beer in hand, unable to brush my teeth without first taking a drink. Cravings controlled every aspect of my life, and I thought I’d never break free. Yet, here I am, years later, without a single craving for alcohol. The journey wasn’t easy, but it’s possible, and today, I’m going to share how you can go from battling daily cravings to living a life free from them.

The Struggle with Cravings in Early Sobriety

In early recovery, cravings can feel like an insurmountable obstacle. Many people find themselves stuck in a cycle of battling urges to drink, even long after getting sober. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to fight cravings forever.

In this article, we’ll break down practical steps you can take to understand your cravings, address their root causes, and eventually eliminate them for good. Whether you’re just starting your sobriety journey or have been struggling for a while, these insights will help you take control of your recovery.

Understanding Your Cravings: More Than Just Triggers One of the first steps to conquering cravings is understanding where they come from. Sure, there are obvious triggers like social settings or stress, but the cravings often run deeper than just surface-level reactions. For example, in my early recovery, everything was a trigger. I drank in nearly every situation—while working, socializing, or even showering—so nearly everything reminded me of drinking. The key was not just avoiding triggers but understanding why I craved alcohol in the first place.The solution? I started a cravings log. Every time a craving hit, I wrote down what was happening and how I felt. This process helped me identify recurring emotional themes, such as boredom, loneliness, shame, and resentment. Recognizing these deeper causes allowed me to focus on healing those emotions rather than simply trying to avoid the situations that triggered them.
The Power of Logging and Analyzing Your Cravings Many people think cravings are just an inevitable part of early recovery, but they don’t have to be. By logging my cravings and analyzing the emotions behind them, I realized I could address the root issues causing them. For example, boredom was a major trigger for me, so I started actively seeking new hobbies and activities that were fulfilling, like hiking or trying meditation.Keeping a cravings log allows you to pinpoint patterns. You don’t need to create an elaborate system like I did—an Excel spreadsheet with charts—but writing down the event that sparked the craving and the emotions surrounding it is enough. This simple act can reveal powerful insights that will help you understand what drives your cravings.
Leaning Into Your “Why”: The Key to Long-Term Sobriety While understanding and tracking your cravings is important, it’s equally vital to have a strong reason for staying sober. This is your “why.” Change doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a process of consistently choosing the person you want to become and stepping away from the person you no longer wish to be.When cravings hit, lean into your why. Whether it’s being a better parent, partner, or professional, connecting with your purpose will give you strength. If your why is to be a present parent, instead of drinking, take your kids to the park or help them with their homework. By taking actions that align with your deeper purpose, you not only resist the craving but also move closer to the life you truly want.
Cravings Are Temporary—Don’t Make Permanent Decisions The intensity of cravings can make you feel like you’ll always struggle, but remember: cravings are temporary. They come and go like waves. It’s crucial to not make a permanent decision—like relapsing—based on a temporary feeling. Each time you resist a craving, you strengthen your ability to do so again. Over time, the cravings diminish until, one day, they disappear entirely.

Cravings don’t have to define your recovery journey. By understanding the deeper emotions driving them, logging your triggers, and constantly leaning into your “why,” you can break free from the constant battle. Instead of running from your cravings, face them head-on and watch as their power fades over time. Recovery is not just about abstaining from alcohol—it’s about building a life that no longer needs it.

Learn More in This Week’s Podcast Episode

If you’re ready to dive deeper into how to conquer cravings and free yourself from the cycle of addiction, tune into this week’s episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast. I’ll walk you through my personal journey from craving alcohol every moment of the day to living completely free of those urges. You’ll hear practical steps you can start using today to not just resist cravings but eliminate them entirely. Don’t miss out—this episode could be the turning point in your recovery.

Why You Must Get To The Cause Of Your Addiction If You Want To Recover

Tim Phillips March 17, 2023

Have you ever heard someone in recovery talk about the “pink cloud”? It’s that early burst of enthusiasm when sobriety feels amazing, and life seems to finally fall into place. But for many, this cloud eventually fades, leaving behind a struggle to maintain the same joy and enthusiasm. I, too, rode that wave of early recovery, only to find myself crashing into depression as the excitement wore off. Many people, myself included, try to fill that void with external sources—relationships, shopping, promotions—hoping to capture that initial high. But the real, lasting joy in recovery comes not from outside fixes but from doing the internal work.

In recovery, it’s easy to get caught up in the highs and lows of early sobriety. When the “pink cloud” phase ends, it often feels like happiness is slipping away, and many of us turn to other things—anything but alcohol—to fill that void. But those temporary fixes don’t last.

This article will explore why so many people hit a wall in recovery and how to break free from the cycle of seeking outside sources for happiness. If you’re ready to stop relying on temporary highs and find lasting joy, this is for you.

The “Pink Cloud” Trap: Why Happiness Fades in Recovery The early days of sobriety often feel exhilarating. You’re clear-headed, motivated, and life seems to finally be going your way. But for most, this initial burst of joy—the “pink cloud”—doesn’t last forever. When it fades, many of us are left struggling, trying to find ways to regain that feeling. This phase is where many people in recovery start looking for outside sources—relationships, material success, even meetings—to lift them back up. But just like the initial high, these fixes wear off too, leading to deeper depression and frustration.

The Cycle of External Fixes: Replacing One Addiction With Another For years, I sought happiness outside of myself. I turned to relationships, work achievements, vacations—anything that promised a temporary boost. And while those things worked for a while, the happiness never lasted. After the thrill faded, I found myself right back where I started: stuck in the same emotional rut. In recovery, it’s easy to fall into the trap of replacing alcohol with other “fixes,” but without addressing the core issues, these solutions are only band-aids on deeper wounds.

Running From the Storm: Why Avoidance Doesn’t Work There’s a powerful lesson in the way buffalo face storms. While cows run from storms, only to get caught and endure them longer, buffalo charge straight into the storm, minimizing the time they spend in the pain. We often run from our emotional storms in recovery, hoping to avoid the pain. But like the cows, this avoidance only prolongs our suffering. True healing comes when we face those storms head-on, working through the pain instead of running from it.

The Importance of “Why” in Recovery Long-lasting recovery requires more than just abstaining from alcohol—it requires a deep understanding of your “why.” Why do you want to stay sober? Why do you want to be happy? Your reason for recovery has to be strong enough to push you through the toughest moments. If you haven’t identified your “why,” you’re more likely to fall back into old patterns when life gets hard. A strong “why” creates emotional connection and can be the driving force that keeps you moving forward when you feel like giving up.

Finding the Right Support to Face Your Storms Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s not something you should do alone. Whether it’s through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends, finding the right help is crucial for long-term success. If therapy feels out of reach financially, consider making sacrifices in other areas to prioritize your mental health. There are also free and budget-friendly resources available, from online support groups to community programs. The key is to stop procrastinating your healing. Face your storms now, and you’ll find the happiness and peace you’ve been searching for.

Stop Running, Start Healing If you’ve been stuck in a cycle of chasing temporary fixes in your recovery, it’s time to break free. True, lasting joy doesn’t come from external sources—it comes from doing the inner work, from facing the emotional storms head-on instead of running from them. By understanding your “why,” committing to the healing process, and seeking the right support, you can move beyond the “pink cloud” phase and find genuine happiness in sobriety.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into how to find lasting joy in your recovery, this week’s episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast is a must-listen. In the episode, I share my personal story of struggling with post-pink-cloud depression and offer practical tips on how to avoid the cycle of external fixes. We’ll talk about facing your emotional storms, finding your “why,” and learning how to live a sober life filled with joy and purpose. Tune in now to start your journey towards true happiness in recovery.

Getting Honest About Your Alcoholism

Tim Phillips March 10, 2023

It all started with a post I saw in a Facebook recovery group. A gentleman was defending his status as a “functional alcoholic,” proudly stating that while he had stopped drinking, he was in control the whole time. He minimized his relationship with alcohol, treating it as a misunderstood friend. This mindset is familiar to many who struggle with addiction. I remember having similar justifications: calling myself a “binge drinker” in college or labeling myself “functional” as long as I wasn’t fired. But the truth? That denial leads us to dangerous territory in our recovery.

Addiction often comes with layers of denial. We convince ourselves that as long as we’re holding things together, our drinking isn’t “that bad.” But for many, the idea of being a “functional alcoholic” is a way to avoid the painful truth about alcohol’s impact. If you find yourself downplaying your relationship with alcohol, this article is for you. We’re going to dive into how you can confront denial, embrace sobriety fully, and begin living a life that isn’t just sober, but truly happy.

Understanding Denial: The Illusion of Control Denial comes in many forms. Whether it’s calling yourself a “binge drinker” because you only drink on weekends or using the term “functional alcoholic” to excuse daily drinking, these labels are shields from the truth. Denial prevents us from seeing the full extent of how alcohol impacts our lives, leading us to justify harmful behaviors. For me, this manifested in various stages, from binge drinking during my college years to holding onto a career while my personal life crumbled. Denial is not just the refusal to see a problem—it’s actively defending the behaviors that lead to addiction.

The Cycle of Justification and Relapse When we refuse to face the truth, we set ourselves up for relapse. Denial breeds justification, and in moments of stress, loneliness, or boredom, the mind clings to the perceived benefits of drinking. We convince ourselves that alcohol will bring relief, ignoring the inevitable consequences. This cycle keeps us stuck, repeating the same mistakes. Getting honest about our relationship with alcohol is the first step in breaking free.

Analyzing Your Drinking: A Path to Clarity To move past denial, I took an objective approach to analyze my relationship with alcohol. It wasn’t enough to just acknowledge I was an alcoholic. I had to understand the reasons I drank, the excuses I made, and the consequences that followed. Going all the way back to when I started drinking helped me identify patterns, like the way I justified drinking in college because it seemed like “part of the experience.” By listing both the perceived benefits and the harsh consequences, I saw my drinking for what it truly was: destructive.

Questions to Challenge Your Denial If you’re unsure whether alcohol is really affecting your life, start by asking yourself some tough questions:

Is drinking delaying your dreams or goals?
Are you ashamed of the things you do when you drink?
Is your drinking affecting your ability to be present in important relationships?
Are you truly living the life you want, or are you just getting by? These questions aren’t easy to face, but they can be the wake-up call you need to move forward.

Finding Support and Self-Care Confronting denial is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. Reaching out to a trusted friend, therapist, or even a recovery group can provide the support and perspective needed to push through. Just make sure it’s someone who won’t co-sign on your justifications. Along the way, self-care becomes crucial. For me, therapy, exercise, and even long road trips helped me heal emotionally and learn to survive sober. You’ll need to find what works for you, and yes, it may take some trial and error. But it’s worth it.

The journey to sobriety isn’t just about quitting alcohol. It’s about being honest with yourself, confronting your denial, and taking responsibility for your actions. By examining the true impact of alcohol on your life and refusing to let denial hold you back, you can finally start to live fully—not just as someone who is sober, but someone who is truly happy.

Are you ready to confront the truth about your relationship with alcohol? If so, there’s much more to explore. In this week’s episode of the Sober and Happy Podcast, we dive deep into the concept of denial and how it keeps us trapped in harmful cycles. I share personal stories and practical steps for moving beyond denial, so you can begin living your best sober life. Listen now, and start your journey toward true freedom today!

Dealing With Tragedy and Staying Sober Through It

Tim Phillips March 3, 2023

This episode is going to be a little bit different. I had another topic scheduled for this week, but I want to talk about dealing with difficult moments that life deals us when we get sober. This is very fresh for me as someone I love very much had a massive loss in their life this morning.

Here is the thing, life can be tough at times. Tragedy doesn’t stop just because we got sober. We just have to learn to deal with it in different and hopefully healthier ways. One of the greatest gifts in sobriety is being able to show up completely for people in our lives and being able to support them when they need it the most.

I will talk in this episode about how I navigate life’s biggest challenges and how I dealt with my day today.

How To Set and Maintain Boundaries When We Get Sober

Tim Phillips February 24, 2023

The inability of people in recovery to establish and set healthy boundaries is one of the biggest struggles I see with people when they are building their new lives.

In fact, this is the method I see most people trying to set boundaries which is exactly what I did for the first many years I was sober:

If someone does something that upsets us, we react negatively to it with maybe anger, sadness, storming out of the room, passive aggressiveness, or whatever your preferred method is to show you are pissed off. Then we assume they know what they did, why it pissed off us, why they shouldn’t do it anymore, and then we assume that we made ourselves clear. Then the person does it again and we repeat the cycle to only get more and more upset each time.

So how do we establish healthy boundaries? How do we communicate them to others? What should we do when people don’t respect our boundaries? And how do make sure we are respecting others’ boundaries also?

Well, that is exactly what we are going to be talking about in this episode.

Podcast Episode #18: Learning To Trust Your Intuition Again After Getting Sober

Tim Phillips February 17, 2023

One of the hardest shifts I see people in recovery make is becoming someone who believes in themselves. It makes perfect sense early in recovery. Most of us while in active addiction have years of making really bad decisions and likely were not someone who can be trusted.

So it is natural that when we first get sober, it can be very challenging to trust ourselves and always be questioning our decisions, even the ones that are obviously good decisions.

So how do you start learning to trust your intuition again? Well, that is exactly what we are going to talk about in this episode.

Podcast Episode #17: Creating Your Recovery Roadmap For Staying Sober

Tim Phillips February 10, 2023

Most people don’t have a plan for getting sober and simply try to wander through life. They just decide one day today is the day to get sober. They might kind of know where they want to go, but do not have directions on how to get there. They simply wander around hoping that one day they will find a place where they are in a life free of their addiction.

Then when things get painful or even slightly uncomfortable they give up because they don’t know where they are going. Recovery can be difficult, recovery is overwhelming at times, it is very easy to get off track, and if we don’t have an idea of where we are going and how to get there, it can be very easy to get so lost that the only plan that seems logical at the time, is to simply turn around and go back to where we started.

That is how people get stuck in the relapse cycle of recovery. It isn’t from triggers, alcohol being a huge presence in our society, life events, lack of support from family or friends, stress or anxiety, or any of the other reasons we usually blame our relapses on. Those are simply hazards along the way but if you know where you are going and how to get there, they are simply detours and not something that gets us completely lost.

When we have a plan though and are focused on our destination, life is more like a navigation app. When we get detoured, it simply reroutes us back to our destination.

I want you to become the person that is actively chasing your dreams, checking off boxes of things you want to accomplish, finding ways to overcome your challenges, and growing into the person that is always pushing through those difficult moments of life, knowing that you will come out the other side stronger.

Which life sounds better to you? The one where you are struggling to simply just be sober and spending most of your time and energy focusing on everything that is wrong, or the one where you are sober and happy because you are chasing and accomplishing your dreams?

So imagine it, name it, write it down, actively plan it, and start moving towards it. You are one decision away from changing your whole life and your destination is not as far as it may seem, so get started today. Starting with this episode.

Podcast #16: Why All-Or-Nothing Thinking Is Hurting Your Sobriety

Tim Phillips February 3, 2023

When you try to change everything at once, you will get overwhelmed, you give up, and nothing ends up changing. So how much should we change at the beginning, and how do we pick and choose what to change?

Podcast Episode #15: Do I Need To Give Up My Old Friends And Life When I Get Sober?

Tim Phillips January 27, 2023

In this episode, I want to talk about whether you need to give up your old friends and other things in your life when you get sober.

I know many people struggle with giving up the people, places, and things that existed in their old life. One of the most common questions people ask me when they are first sober is whether they can still hang out with their friends that they partied with, can they still go to their old bar to listen to that one band they like, and do they need to give up old friendships or relationships that they had when they were drinking or using. Rather than asking whether we can keep things the same life minus the booze, I think the better question is to ask why would we want to hold onto that old life so desperately.

You will find this episode helpful if you have struggled with the following questions:
Do I have to give up my friends when I quit drinking?
Do I have to change everything when I get sober?
Can I still go to the bar after I quit drinking?
Can I be around alcohol after I get sober?

Podcast Episode #14: Can I Ever Be A Normal Drinker?

Tim Phillips January 20, 2023

Today we are going to talk about the biggest mystery in recovery that almost all of us alcoholics have tried to solve. I believe people have been trying to solve this riddle since the first time someone figured out how to brew alcohol. And that mystery is: Is it possible to ever be a normal drinker?

Have asked yourself any of the following questions: How can I control my drinking? Am I an alcoholic? Why do I always drink so much? Will I always be an alcoholic? Why can’t I control how much I drink? Is moderation of alcohol possible?

If so, you will find this episode helpful.

Podcast Episode #13: Can I Get Sober Without Alcoholics Anonymous?

Tim Phillips January 13, 2023

One of the more common questions I see on various recovery forums online is “Can I get sober without AA?” Having spent several years in the beginning of my sobriety in AA and watching the majority of people that come through the doors not stay sober, I have to wonder if we are asking the right question.

I have spent many years struggling in AA, many more years researching some of the reasons why so many people struggle in AA, and have experienced massive growth since leaving and applying different methods to my recovery and that is what we are going to talk about in this episode.

Podcast Episode #12: How To Stay Sober During Adversity Or Challenging Times In Life

Tim Phillips January 6, 2023

How many times have you heard or even said something like this?

Today I lost my job and don’t know how I am going to pay my bills. I am not sure I can get through this without having a drink. When we have that mindset, we set up conditional sobriety on the impossible task of nothing ever going wrong. To live truly sober and happy lives, we must accept and even embrace our challenging times.

If you are asking yourself questions like this, then this episode is for you.

How can I maintain my sobriety when life is going bad?

How do I stay sober after a breakup?

How can I quit relapsing every time something goes wrong?

Podcast Episode #11: Why I Decided To Do A New Years Resolution This Year Despite My 0% Success Rate In The Past

Tim Phillips December 30, 2022

re you planning on doing a new years resolution?

Maybe you are still struggling with your recovery journey and this is the year you want to get and stay sober.

Maybe you have put together some sobriety time, yet are not satisfied with some other areas in your life, and want to improve on something else.

Maybe you are absolutely killing it right now, and want to keep that momentum so you want to improve even more in an area you are already making progress.

Or, maybe you have tried resolutions in the past, failed, have seen everyone around you also fail, and have sworn resolutions off completely.

I was in that last camp until I started doing some research and convinced myself to give it another try.

If you are considering doing a New Year’s resolution this year, this will be a great episode to listen to.

Podcast Episode #10: So You Relapsed, Now What?

Tim Phillips December 23, 2022

In this episode, I want to talk about what to do if you just relapsed. Most of the focus around relapse is through relapse prevention methods and with that focus we tend to think all is lost if we did actually relapse.

I think the biggest thing you can do for relapse prevention if you have already relapsed is to shift the focus off of the fact that you relapsed to focusing on what you can learn from this so that you can break the patterns that led you to where you are now.

We will talk about why you should stop saying things like “relapse is a part of recovery”, how to not give up right before you see the rewards of your sobriety, and how you can start putting in place methods to help make this your last sobriety date.

Podcast Episode #9: Why Shedding Our Old Identities Is Critical To Getting And Staying Sober

Tim Phillips December 16, 2022

In this episode, I want to talk about how our identities based on our past is often holding us back from our greatest potential in recovery and life. So much of our identity when we get sober is based on what we think we are not capable of achieving. We start picking up limitations when we are young from people and experiences in life. Maybe we are told we are not smart enough, not talented enough, are a troublemaker, or that we are never going to amount to anything. Then as life goes on we find ways to strengthen that identity and even defend it sometimes to the point that we become addicted to our perceived limitations. We will discuss here how to identify the old identities that our holding us back, how to break the behavior cycle that keeps is there, and how to step into our infinite potential.

Podcast Episode #8: Creating a Relapse Prevention Plan That Actually Works

Tim Phillips December 9, 2022

Relapse. The most dreaded word in recovery and the most misunderstood event also. How many times have you talked to people who have relapsed and they can’t really tell you why? They might talk about some general ideas of things that happened leading up to it or maybe they put themselves in a compromising position and were unable to resist when the sudden temptation hit. But is that really why people relapse?

In this episode, I want to talk about relapse and how many of the things we have been taught about relapsing and relapse prevention may actually be setting us back on our journey.

We will discuss why so many people relapse and don’t know the reasons why, how come some people are able to stay sober without much difficulty and others become chronic relapsers, and why alcohol, drugs, life events, society, the people in your life and your surroundings are not the reason people relapse.

You will learn how to understand your recovery better, ways to learn from the speedbumps along the way and be able to create a solid foundation that doesn’t crumble to the point where picking up seems like the only solution.

Podcast Episode #7: How To Handle Being Around Alchohol After You Get Sober

Tim Phillips December 2, 2022

In this episode, I share practical tips to navigate a world filled with alcohol after quitting drinking.

Although it can be challenging to be surrounded by alcohol, especially in social settings, there are strategies to help. Rather than trying to avoid alcohol entirely, I’ve learned to accept its presence and focus on what I can control: my reactions and approach to situations involving alcohol.

Initially, I used to stress about saying no or explaining my choice to not drink anymore. Seeking advice from others in recovery, I received valuable tips which I share in this episode.

By accepting the presence of alcohol, preparing ahead, asserting my choices, building a support network, and prioritizing self-care, I’ve been able to navigate a world filled with alcohol successfully.

Remember, it’s about taking control of our own journey and making choices that align with our sobriety.

If you have ever asked any of the following questions this would be a good episode to listen to:
How can I be around alcohol after I get sober?
How to say no when someone offers you a drink?
How do I tell people I work with that I don’t drink?

Podcast Episode #6: 10 Tips For Staying Sober During the Holiday Season

Tim Phillips November 25, 2022

Holidays can be challenging times. When we have drank for so long, so many of the things that we do in life is associated with drinking and that couldn’t be truer for many of us than during the holidays. Everything about the holidays for me revolved around drinking. Partly because many of the people I celebrated with enjoy drinking, and partly because well I am a drunk so I managed to incorporate alcohol into every holiday tradition. In this episode, I will give you 10 tips to help you stay sober during the holiday season.

Podcast Episode #5: Do You Need To Hit Rock Bottom To Get Sober?

Tim Phillips November 18, 2022

In this episode, we delve into the concept of rock bottom and its relevance to staying sober.

Many believe that hitting a dramatic low point is necessary to maintain sobriety, such as experiencing a DUI, losing a job, or facing legal troubles. However, simply having these external consequences doesn’t guarantee long-term recovery.

I remember questioning my own rock bottom, comparing it to others in recovery. But what I realized is that rock bottoms aren’t definitive; they’re more like muddy bottoms that we can keep digging deeper into.

I share my personal story of a three-year bender, the moment I agreed to go to rehab, and the transformative experience with my mother. It was her unwavering love that finally anchored my “why” to quit drinking.

I came to understand that finding your personal motivation, your own “why,” is more powerful than any rock bottom event.

Rather than waiting for a devastating low, it’s crucial to pause and reflect on the lines we’ve already crossed, the promises we’ve broken, and the voids we’ve left in our lives.

By recognizing the evidence of our past actions, we can choose to stop digging and start building a solid foundation for a better future.

Remember, you are capable of change and worth the effort. Join me on this journey of self-discovery and growth.

This would be a great episode if you are asking yourself any of the following questions:
Do I need to hit rock bottom to get sober?
How can I get sober?
How can I stop relapsing?
What can I do to break free of my addictions?

Podcast Episode #4: How To Forgive Others and Ourselves

Tim Phillips November 11, 2022

In this episode, we dive deep into the transformative power of forgiveness. I share my personal journey of forgiveness and how it has played a pivotal role in my life.

One crucial lesson I’ve learned is the importance of recognizing patterns. By understanding the repeating mistakes in our lives, we can break free from harmful cycles and find healing.

I can’t stress enough the significance of seeking professional help, like therapy when processing past resentments and trauma. It provides invaluable support and guidance on our path to forgiveness.

Acknowledging and fully feeling the emotions associated with the harm done is essential. It allows us to release the pain and make room for healing and growth.

Empathy is another key element in the forgiveness process. Putting ourselves in the shoes of those who have hurt us helps foster understanding and compassion.

But let’s not forget, forgiveness starts from within. We must learn to forgive ourselves for our own mistakes and shortcomings. It’s a personal journey of self-acceptance and self-love.

Remember, forgiveness isn’t easy, and it takes time. Each person’s journey is unique, but by embracing forgiveness, we can experience true liberation and find happiness in sobriety.”

This would be a great episode if you are asking yourself any of the following questions:
How can I forgive others for things they have done to me?
How can I forgive myself for my past?
How can I move on from my past?
Do I have to forgive myself before I can forgive others?
How can I get sober?
What can I do to break free of my addictions?

Podcast Episode #3: How Can We Make Right The Wrongs We Have Done In the Past?

Tim Phillips November 4, 2022

In this episode, I want to start the discussion on the importance of forgiveness and specifically tackling the difficult challenges of facing our past, acknowledging what we have done wrong, and the steps we can to do begin to start repairing the relationships that we have damaged.

In my journey towards sobriety, I learned a powerful lesson in forgiveness from my friend Dan. After years of destructive behavior, I finally faced my past and sought forgiveness from those I had wronged, including Dan. I expected anger and rejection, but instead, I received a warm hug and genuine happiness from him.

Dan had forgiven me long ago, valuing our friendship above holding a grudge. We spent hours reminiscing and laughing together. His forgiveness opened my heart to forgive others and myself.

Leaving their home, I realized that holding grudges denies others the same gift I received. It inspired me to begin the journey of forgiveness for others and myself.

Facing our past, seeking forgiveness, and making amends are crucial steps toward healing. It allows us to let go of guilt and shame, preventing relapse and freeing ourselves from the burden of the past.

Remember to create a list of those you’ve wronged, including financial debts, and approach the process with a realistic plan. Embrace the opportunity to become a better person through forgiveness.

This would be a great episode if you are asking yourself any of the following questions:
How can I get sober?
What can I do to break free of my addictions?
How can I ask for forgiveness for my mistakes?
What is the best way to make amends after getting sober?
Will people forgive me for the things I did during my addiction?

Podcast Episode #2: Finding Your Why For Getting and Staying Sober

Tim Phillips October 28, 2022

In this episode, we dive into the concept of finding your purpose or “Why” for getting sober and the pitfalls of the common belief that you must get sober for yourself.

It’s crucial to understand why you started drinking, why you continued despite the negative consequences, and why you want to quit.

I share my own journey of initially getting sober to make my mother proud, even though I struggled with feeling unworthy of a better life.

I believe that motivation can come from various sources, like the love for your children or the desire to be a better partner.

However, I caution against placing conditions on sobriety based on others’ responses, as it shifts responsibility and potential blame. Taking ownership of your drinking and recovery is key.

We discuss the importance of getting your “why” out of your head and onto paper whether it is just writing it out or creating a vision board.

Then you can prioritize your motivations and goals, avoid overwhelming yourself, and tackle obstacles head-on.

In my own experience, I’ve grown into someone I’m proud of, staying sober out of self-love and the desire for continuous personal growth.

This would be a great episode if you are asking yourself any of the following questions:
How can I get sober?
Do I have to get sober for myself?
Can I get sober for someone else?
What can I do to break free of my addictions?

Join me in this episode as we explore the power of finding your purpose on your sober journey.

Podcast Episode #1: Dangers of Focusing So Much On The Addiction Instead Of Recovery

Tim Phillips October 21, 2022

In the first episode of the “Sober and Happy” podcast, I share my personal journey of sobriety and discuss the potential pitfalls of focusing too much on substances and the recovery model of avoidance.

We discuss my experiences of going through rehab and immersing myself in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), diligently working the steps, and actively participating in the community. Despite staying sober, I found myself increasingly depressed and anxious.

I realized that my focus on alcohol, relapse prevention, and constant vigilance created a mental state of fragility and limited my enjoyment of life and that I needed to shift my focus from the dangers of alcohol to the sober life I want to live.

Although we should use common sense precautions to avoid high-risk situations, fixating on the obstacles increases the likelihood of encountering them.

This realization helped me reshape my identity and I am no longer defined solely by being an alcoholic but by my aspirations, relationships, and personal growth.

I invite you to join me on this journey of self-discovery, where I offer tools and insights for living a sober and happy life.

This would be a great episode if you are asking yourself any of the following questions:
How can I get sober?
Can I get sober without Alcoholics Anonymous?
How can I stop relapsing?
What can I do to break free of my addictions?
Is sobriety boring?

Welcome to the Sober and Happy Podcast!

Tim Phillips October 20, 2022

Have you tried everything, but you still can’t make sobriety stick? Or maybe you are sober, but you feel like there should be something more to your new sober life? There are many paths to getting sober, but whatever path you choose, quitting drinking is only the beginning. Tim has over a decade of sobriety and has gone through the journey from rehab to 12-step programs, to finally discovering his own path to recovery and happiness. He has transformed from the daily battle of trying to stay sober to learning to love himself and his life so much that he no longer needs to drink. In the Sober and Happy Podcast, you will learn how to discover yourself and blaze your own path, methods to help you along your journey to recovery, and motivation to help live a sober and happy life.