Podcast Episode #20: Dealing With Tragedy and Staying Sober Through It

This episode is going to be a little bit different. I had another topic scheduled for this week, but I want to talk about dealing with difficult moments that life deals us when we get sober.   This is very fresh for me as someone I love very much had a massive loss in their life this morning.

Here is the thing, life can be tough at times.  Tragedy doesn’t stop just because we got sober.  We just have to learn to deal with it in different and hopefully healthier ways.  One of the greatest gifts in sobriety is being able to show up completely for people in our lives and being able to support them when they need it the most.

I will talk in this episode about how I navigate life’s biggest challenges and how I dealt with my day today.

Podcast Episode #19: How To Set and Maintain Boundaries When We Get Sober

The inability of people in recovery to establish and set healthy boundaries is one of the biggest struggles I see with people when they are building their new lives.

In fact, this is the method I see most people trying to set boundaries which is exactly what I did for the first many years I was sober:

If someone does something that upsets us, we react negatively to it with maybe anger, sadness, storming out of the room, passive aggressiveness, or whatever your preferred method is to show you are pissed off.  Then we assume they know what they did, why it pissed off us, why they shouldn’t do it anymore, and then we assume that we made ourselves clear.  Then the person does it again and we repeat the cycle to only get more and more upset each time.

So how do we establish healthy boundaries?  How do we communicate them to others?  What should we do when people don’t respect our boundaries?  And how do make sure we are respecting others’ boundaries also?

Well, that is exactly what we are going to be talking about in this episode.

Podcast Episode #18: Learning To Trust Your Intuition Again After Getting Sober

One of the hardest shifts I see people in recovery make is becoming someone who believes in themselves.  It makes perfect sense early in recovery.  Most of us while in active addiction have years of making really bad decisions and likely were not someone who can be trusted.

So it is natural that when we first get sober, it can be very challenging to trust ourselves and always be questioning our decisions, even the ones that are obviously good decisions.

So how do you start learning to trust your intuition again?  Well, that is exactly what we are going to talk about in this episode.

Podcast Episode #17: Creating Your Recovery Roadmap For Staying Sober

Most people don’t have a plan for getting sober and simply try to wander through life.  They just decide one day today is the day to get sober.  They might kind of know where they want to go, but do not have directions on how to get there.  They simply wander around hoping that one day they will find a place where they are in a life free of their addiction.

Then when things get painful or even slightly uncomfortable they give up because they don’t know where they are going.  Recovery can be difficult, recovery is overwhelming at times, it is very easy to get off track, and if we don’t have an idea of where we are going and how to get there, it can be very easy to get so lost that the only plan that seems logical at the time, is to simply turn around and go back to where we started.

That is how people get stuck in the relapse cycle of recovery.  It isn’t from triggers, alcohol being a huge presence in our society, life events, lack of support from family or friends, stress or anxiety, or any of the other reasons we usually blame our relapses on.   Those are simply hazards along the way but if you know where you are going and how to get there, they are simply detours and not something that gets us completely lost.

When we have a plan though and are focused on our destination, life is more like a navigation app.  When we get detoured, it simply reroutes us back to our destination.

I want you to become the person that is actively chasing your dreams, checking off boxes of things you want to accomplish, finding ways to overcome your challenges, and growing into the person that is always pushing through those difficult moments of life, knowing that you will come out the other side stronger.

Which life sounds better to you?  The one where you are struggling to simply just be sober and spending most of your time and energy focusing on everything that is wrong, or the one where you are sober and happy because you are chasing and accomplishing your dreams?

So imagine it, name it, write it down, actively plan it, and start moving towards it. You are one decision away from changing your whole life and your destination is not as far as it may seem, so get started today.  Starting with this episode.

Podcast #16: Why All-Or-Nothing Thinking Is Hurting Your Sobriety

When you try to change everything at once, you will get overwhelmed, you give up,  and nothing ends up changing.  So how much should we change at the beginning, and how do we pick and choose what to change?

Podcast Episode #15: Do I Need To Give Up My Old Friends And Life When I Get Sober?

In this episode, I want to talk about whether you need to give up your old friends and other things in your life when you get sober.

I know many people struggle with giving up the people, places, and things that existed in their old life. One of the most common questions people ask me when they are first sober is whether they can still hang out with their friends that they partied with, can they still go to their old bar to listen to that one band they like, and do they need to give up old friendships or relationships that they had when they were drinking or using.  Rather than asking whether we can keep things the same life minus the booze, I think the better question is to ask why would we want to hold onto that old life so desperately.

You will find this episode helpful if you have struggled with the following questions:
Do I have to give up my friends when I quit drinking?
Do I have to change everything when I get sober?
Can I still go to the bar after I quit drinking?
Can I be around alcohol after I get sober?

Podcast Episode #14: Can I Ever Be A Normal Drinker?

Today we are going to talk about the biggest mystery in recovery that almost all of us alcoholics have tried to solve.  I believe people have been trying to solve this riddle since the first time someone figured out how to brew alcohol.  And that mystery is: Is it possible to ever be a normal drinker?

Have asked yourself any of the following questions: How can I control my drinking?  Am I an alcoholic?  Why do I always drink so much?  Will I always be an alcoholic?   Why can’t I control how much I drink?  Is moderation of alcohol possible?

If so, you will find this episode helpful.

Podcast Episode #13: Can I Get Sober Without Alcoholics Anonymous?

One of the more common questions I see on various recovery forums online is “Can I get sober without AA?”  Having spent several years in the beginning of my sobriety in AA and watching the majority of people that come through the doors not stay sober, I have to wonder if we are asking the right question.

I have spent many years struggling in AA, many more years researching some of the reasons why so many people struggle in AA, and have experienced massive growth since leaving and applying different methods to my recovery and that is what we are going to talk about in this episode.

Podcast Episode #12: How To Stay Sober During Adversity Or Challenging Times In Life

How many times have you heard or even said something like this?

Today I lost my job and don’t know how I am going to pay my bills.  I am not sure I can get through this without having a drink.  When we have that mindset, we set up conditional sobriety on the impossible task of nothing ever going wrong.  To live truly sober and happy lives, we must accept and even embrace our challenging times.

If you are asking yourself questions like this, then this episode is for you.

How can I maintain my sobriety when life is going bad?

How do I stay sober after a breakup?

How can I quit relapsing every time something goes wrong?

Podcast Episode #11: Why I Decided To Do A New Years Resolution This Year Despite My 0% Success Rate In The Past

re you planning on doing a new years resolution?

Maybe you are still struggling with your recovery journey and this is the year you want to get and stay sober.

Maybe you have put together some sobriety time, yet are not satisfied with some other areas in your life, and want to improve on something else.

Maybe you are absolutely killing it right now, and want to keep that momentum so you want to improve even more in an area you are already making progress.

Or, maybe you have tried resolutions in the past, failed, have seen everyone around you also fail, and have sworn resolutions off completely.

I was in that last camp until I started doing some research and convinced myself to give it another try.

If you are considering doing a New Year’s resolution this year, this will be a great episode to listen to.

Podcast Episode #10: So You Relapsed, Now What?

In this episode, I want to talk about what to do if you just relapsed. Most of the focus around relapse is through relapse prevention methods and with that focus we tend to think all is lost if we did actually relapse.

I think the biggest thing you can do for relapse prevention if you have already relapsed is to shift the focus off of the fact that you relapsed to focusing on what you can learn from this so that you can break the patterns that led you to where you are now.

We will talk about why you should stop saying things like “relapse is a part of recovery”, how to not give up right before you see the rewards of your sobriety, and how you can start putting in place methods to help make this your last sobriety date.

Podcast Episode #9: Why Shedding Our Old Identities Is Critical To Getting And Staying Sober

In this episode, I want to talk about how our identities based on our past is often holding us back from our greatest potential in recovery and life. So much of our identity when we get sober is based on what we think we are not capable of achieving. We start picking up limitations when we are young from people and experiences in life. Maybe we are told we are not smart enough, not talented enough, are a troublemaker, or that we are never going to amount to anything. Then as life goes on we find ways to strengthen that identity and even defend it sometimes to the point that we become addicted to our perceived limitations. We will discuss here how to identify the old identities that our holding us back, how to break the behavior cycle that keeps is there, and how to step into our infinite potential.

Podcast Episode #8: Creating a Relapse Prevention Plan That Actually Works

Relapse. The most dreaded word in recovery and the most misunderstood event also. How many times have you talked to people who have relapsed and they can’t really tell you why? They might talk about some general ideas of things that happened leading up to it or maybe they put themselves in a compromising position and were unable to resist when the sudden temptation hit. But is that really why people relapse?

In this episode, I want to talk about relapse and how many of the things we have been taught about relapsing and relapse prevention may actually be setting us back on our journey.

We will discuss why so many people relapse and don’t know the reasons why, how come some people are able to stay sober without much difficulty and others become chronic relapsers, and why alcohol, drugs, life events, society, the people in your life and your surroundings are not the reason people relapse.

You will learn how to understand your recovery better, ways to learn from the speedbumps along the way and be able to create a solid foundation that doesn’t crumble to the point where picking up seems like the only solution.

Podcast Episode #7: How To Handle Being Around Alchohol After You Get Sober

In this episode, I share practical tips to navigate a world filled with alcohol after quitting drinking.

Although it can be challenging to be surrounded by alcohol, especially in social settings, there are strategies to help. Rather than trying to avoid alcohol entirely, I’ve learned to accept its presence and focus on what I can control: my reactions and approach to situations involving alcohol.

Initially, I used to stress about saying no or explaining my choice to not drink anymore. Seeking advice from others in recovery, I received valuable tips which I share in this episode.

By accepting the presence of alcohol, preparing ahead, asserting my choices, building a support network, and prioritizing self-care, I’ve been able to navigate a world filled with alcohol successfully.

Remember, it’s about taking control of our own journey and making choices that align with our sobriety.

If you have ever asked any of the following questions this would be a good episode to listen to:
How can I be around alcohol after I get sober?
How to say no when someone offers you a drink?
How do I tell people I work with that I don’t drink?

Podcast Episode #6: 10 Tips For Staying Sober During the Holiday Season

Holidays can be challenging times.  When we have drank for so long, so many of the things that we do in life is associated with drinking and that couldn’t be truer for many of us than during the holidays.  Everything about the holidays for me revolved around drinking.  Partly because many of the people I celebrated with enjoy drinking, and partly because well I am a drunk so I managed to incorporate alcohol into every holiday tradition.   In this episode, I will give you 10 tips to help you stay sober during the holiday season.

Podcast Episode #5: Do You Need To Hit Rock Bottom To Get Sober?

In this episode, we delve into the concept of rock bottom and its relevance to staying sober.

Many believe that hitting a dramatic low point is necessary to maintain sobriety, such as experiencing a DUI, losing a job, or facing legal troubles. However, simply having these external consequences doesn’t guarantee long-term recovery.

I remember questioning my own rock bottom, comparing it to others in recovery. But what I realized is that rock bottoms aren’t definitive; they’re more like muddy bottoms that we can keep digging deeper into.

I share my personal story of a three-year bender, the moment I agreed to go to rehab, and the transformative experience with my mother. It was her unwavering love that finally anchored my “why” to quit drinking.

I came to understand that finding your personal motivation, your own “why,” is more powerful than any rock bottom event.

Rather than waiting for a devastating low, it’s crucial to pause and reflect on the lines we’ve already crossed, the promises we’ve broken, and the voids we’ve left in our lives.

By recognizing the evidence of our past actions, we can choose to stop digging and start building a solid foundation for a better future.

Remember, you are capable of change and worth the effort. Join me on this journey of self-discovery and growth.

This would be a great episode if you are asking yourself any of the following questions:
Do I need to hit rock bottom to get sober?
How can I get sober?
How can I stop relapsing?
What can I do to break free of my addictions?

Podcast Episode #4: How To Forgive Others and Ourselves

In this episode, we dive deep into the transformative power of forgiveness. I share my personal journey of forgiveness and how it has played a pivotal role in my life.

One crucial lesson I’ve learned is the importance of recognizing patterns. By understanding the repeating mistakes in our lives, we can break free from harmful cycles and find healing.

I can’t stress enough the significance of seeking professional help, like therapy when processing past resentments and trauma. It provides invaluable support and guidance on our path to forgiveness.

Acknowledging and fully feeling the emotions associated with the harm done is essential. It allows us to release the pain and make room for healing and growth.

Empathy is another key element in the forgiveness process. Putting ourselves in the shoes of those who have hurt us helps foster understanding and compassion.

But let’s not forget, forgiveness starts from within. We must learn to forgive ourselves for our own mistakes and shortcomings. It’s a personal journey of self-acceptance and self-love.

Remember, forgiveness isn’t easy, and it takes time. Each person’s journey is unique, but by embracing forgiveness, we can experience true liberation and find happiness in sobriety.”

This would be a great episode if you are asking yourself any of the following questions:
How can I forgive others for things they have done to me?
How can I forgive myself for my past?
How can I move on from my past?
Do I have to forgive myself before I can forgive others?
How can I get sober?
What can I do to break free of my addictions?

Podcast Episode #3: How Can We Make Right The Wrongs We Have Done In the Past?

In this episode, I want to start the discussion on the importance of forgiveness and specifically tackling the difficult challenges of facing our past, acknowledging what we have done wrong, and the steps we can to do begin to start repairing the relationships that we have damaged.

In my journey towards sobriety, I learned a powerful lesson in forgiveness from my friend Dan. After years of destructive behavior, I finally faced my past and sought forgiveness from those I had wronged, including Dan. I expected anger and rejection, but instead, I received a warm hug and genuine happiness from him.

Dan had forgiven me long ago, valuing our friendship above holding a grudge. We spent hours reminiscing and laughing together. His forgiveness opened my heart to forgive others and myself.

Leaving their home, I realized that holding grudges denies others the same gift I received. It inspired me to begin the journey of forgiveness for others and myself.

Facing our past, seeking forgiveness, and making amends are crucial steps toward healing. It allows us to let go of guilt and shame, preventing relapse and freeing ourselves from the burden of the past.

Remember to create a list of those you’ve wronged, including financial debts, and approach the process with a realistic plan. Embrace the opportunity to become a better person through forgiveness.

This would be a great episode if you are asking yourself any of the following questions:
How can I get sober?
What can I do to break free of my addictions?
How can I ask for forgiveness for my mistakes?
What is the best way to make amends after getting sober?
Will people forgive me for the things I did during my addiction?

Podcast Episode #2: Finding Your Why For Getting and Staying Sober

In this episode, we dive into the concept of finding your purpose or “Why” for getting sober and the pitfalls of the common belief that you must get sober for yourself.

It’s crucial to understand why you started drinking, why you continued despite the negative consequences, and why you want to quit.

I share my own journey of initially getting sober to make my mother proud, even though I struggled with feeling unworthy of a better life.

I believe that motivation can come from various sources, like the love for your children or the desire to be a better partner.

However, I caution against placing conditions on sobriety based on others’ responses, as it shifts responsibility and potential blame. Taking ownership of your drinking and recovery is key.

We discuss the importance of getting your “why” out of your head and onto paper whether it is just writing it out or creating a vision board.

Then you can prioritize your motivations and goals, avoid overwhelming yourself, and tackle obstacles head-on.

In my own experience, I’ve grown into someone I’m proud of, staying sober out of self-love and the desire for continuous personal growth.

This would be a great episode if you are asking yourself any of the following questions:
How can I get sober?
Do I have to get sober for myself?
Can I get sober for someone else?
What can I do to break free of my addictions?

Join me in this episode as we explore the power of finding your purpose on your sober journey.

Podcast Episode #1: Dangers of Focusing So Much On The Addiction Instead Of Recovery

In the first episode of the “Sober and Happy” podcast,  I share my personal journey of sobriety and discuss the potential pitfalls of focusing too much on substances and the recovery model of avoidance.

We discuss my experiences of going through rehab and immersing myself in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), diligently working the steps, and actively participating in the community. Despite staying sober, I found myself increasingly depressed and anxious.

I realized that my focus on alcohol, relapse prevention, and constant vigilance created a mental state of fragility and limited my enjoyment of life and that I needed to shift my focus from the dangers of alcohol to the sober life I want to live.

Although we should use common sense precautions to avoid high-risk situations, fixating on the obstacles increases the likelihood of encountering them.

This realization helped me reshape my identity and I am no longer defined solely by being an alcoholic but by my aspirations, relationships, and personal growth.

I invite you to join me on this journey of self-discovery, where I offer tools and insights for living a sober and happy life.

This would be a great episode if you are asking yourself any of the following questions:
How can I get sober?
Can I get sober without Alcoholics Anonymous?
How can I stop relapsing?
What can I do to break free of my addictions?
Is sobriety boring?

Welcome to the Sober and Happy Podcast!

Have you tried everything, but you still can’t make sobriety stick? Or maybe you are sober, but you feel like there should be something more to your new sober life? There are many paths to getting sober, but whatever path you choose, quitting drinking is only the beginning. Tim has over a decade of sobriety and has gone through the journey from rehab to 12-step programs, to finally discovering his own path to recovery and happiness. He has transformed from the daily battle of trying to stay sober to learning to love himself and his life so much that he no longer needs to drink. In the Sober and Happy Podcast, you will learn how to discover yourself and blaze your own path, methods to help you along your journey to recovery, and motivation to help live a sober and happy life.